proudtabby Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Hi ... My boyfriend of one year cheated on me last summer ... it may have involved multiple women, but I will never know (I agreed to forgive this and move on, for multiple reasons). Once we got back together after this incident, a friend of mine, who was concerned that he would do it again, 'set him up'. They put a fake profile on a dating site and my boyfriend made initial contact with this person while we were apart; however, it continued after we reunited. They continued to flirt and e-mail/chat with each other. I was not aware of this going on. Once this communication culminated in a date being arranged between these two and me being lied to about it, my friend let me know what was going on (and sent me transcripts of all of their communications). I was absolutely sick about it and couldn't believe what I was reading in their conversations. The issue is this .... my boyfriend is absolutely LIVID that he was 'set up' and only wants to concentrate on that part of the issue. He says that the sting operation was not 'real' .... therefore, it didn't happen and he was 'tricked' ... and he wants me to cut ties with this friend immediately. (I should mention that this friend was a previous boyfriend of mine, but there is absolutely no interest on either part anymore to get back together. We are just very good friends and he honestly was concerned that this guy was wrong for me ... he truly has no burning desire to get back together with me, nor I with him.) My boyfriend says that this was a major violation of privacy and trust .... and I am conflicted about this. Yes .... he was entrapped, but he had cheated on me once before and he could have easily 'passed this test', but he didn't. Anytime we bring this subject up in trying to work through the trust issues we face now, he becomes quite rageful and concentrates only on this past boyfriend of mine trying to break us up. I try to refocus the conversation back to HIS behavior in this (and that's what I'm most concerned about ... how MY boyfriend acted through this) .... and he just shuts down. I have friends who say this "set-up" was justified because he had cheated/lied before to me ("whether you catch a fish with a fake worm or a real worm, it's still a fish").... while he claims that his friends say this was terrible and malicious and the friend of mine is a psychopath. What should I do? I thought I would ask in this forum, as we are not married yet, only dating .... and before things went much further with this fellow. Thanks for any advice/help .... it is needed right now ... in my conflicted life. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Why are you even wondering about this? Your boyfriend cheated on you, not once but twice. Heck, you even said he was the one who made initial contact with the fake profile. Fool me once, fool me twice, yada-yada-yada. If you don't ditch him, then you're just a glutton for punishment. Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 My first question would be WTF is he doing on a dating site to begin with. Taking him back only gives him permission to do it again, hell, he got away with it the first time, what incentive does he have to quit? Have some self respect and ditch the loser! Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 After re-reading the OP, I realize he made initial contact while you too were not together. So no foul there. But he failed to end this other interest and even set up a date after you two were together again. So yeah, he's a lying cheater who should be kicked to the curb, regardless of the ethical debate over setting him up. Sounds to me like he's just pissed he was caught and is clutching at straws. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I say dump this loser your worth more than that! Hes just angry because hes been caught out.Even if you did stay together you will never trust him again so there no point in staying with him.He wants to act like hes single then give him his wish! Link to post Share on other sites
Davis Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Hey Proudtabby! One word of advice: BAIL!! Of course he's angry! That's because he's guilty and you caught him. He's not mad about his behavior, only that he was caught. I have found with these liars and cheaters that if you accuse them or question them, they get overly angry and defensive. My ex used to do this. She was guilty too. You have to get out of this deal. A leopard doesn't change it's spots. I was going out with my ex in the summer. She apparently went back to her ex, slept with him and then broke up with me. I went NC for six weeks until she saw me, then I decided to try again. While we were back together she had this guy "friend". I even caught them kissing at the bar and she denied everything. I had her passwords, to I know she had sex with him too. Dumb me. I should have left at that point for good. About six weeks ago everything was fine between the two of us. At least I thought. She went out "with the girls", got drunk, met this guy that she previously planned on meeting and had sex with him. I knew something was up, so I got into her email and there was an email to him saying she had such a great night. I never called her again. My point is that cheaters never change. Cheaters are, by fact, liars. Yours could easily do what mine did. He could also give you and STD or worse. You could marry him (or get pregnant by accident) and he would be doing all this running around and cheating on you again. THEN, you are in SO deep it's tougher to get out and tougher on you. Read some of the posts by Salicious Crumb. He married one of these women. MOVE ON GIRL!! Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 He is trying to sweep his abhorrent behavior under the rug by making the whole thing about how he was set up. You are giving credence to this by even listening to him. He has cheated on you before. You broke up. You get back together. Then he makes a date to meet someone else. Why are you even entertaining the thought of him anymore?!! Dump him. Hard. Slam him into the curb. And move on. If you don't, the next time he cheats on you, you'll be expected to roll over and take it just as he expects you too now. The only thing a bad guy does really well is keep a good guy away. Stay with him - you'll get more of the same. He shouldn't even get to talk to you at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Davis Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 quote=Island Girl;1092768]Dump him. Hard. Slam him into the curb. The only thing a bad guy does really well is keep a good guy away. See Tabby!!? Here's one of the girls telling you how it is, again! Haha! I had to laugh at that one! If I transpose it, my ex was keeping me away from a good girl!! That's funny! Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Wait - didn't you post this same post in Infidelity a few weeks ago? Why are you re-posting it?? What's the update?? Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Yes I remember that......what is the point? Maybe she is looking for someone to tell her what she wants to hear, which is her bf is an angel and she should stick with him....not doing that Link to post Share on other sites
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