Why men and women cheat

[michelangelo]

indifference to inflicting pain is the same thing as willingness to inflict pain

 

It's just a more convoluted way if selfishly getting what you want. telling your self you didn't think of the consequences is a copout, IMHO.

 

Someone who is married has usually at minimum exchanged the usual vows and understands the impact of such an act. And if they did such a thing wearing a wedding dress or tux in a church, they had more of the importance of faithfulness hammered into their psyche.

 

Trying to tell others or oneself that because they didn't intend for the awfulness their selfishness inflicts on their spouse (or even upon them self for that matter)

just seems like justification. As if saying it enough times they'll get a pass on reflecting on their actions.

[Freedom Now]

I agree. It takes alot of soul searching and counseling, I think, to realize WHY someone is cheating and commit to never doing it again. The flaws with cheating behavior lie within the cheater, not the cheated.

 

I cheated 17 years ago and vowed, after much counseling and soul searching, to never cheat again. And I had succeeded...until my xMM unbenounced to me, made me his OW against my knowledge last year.

 

Once a cheater, not always a cheater.

 

But, yes, there must be a life changing event and some serious soul searching to get to the point where one understands why one cheats and vows to never do it again.

[Guest]

Hi everyone:

 

I don't know about ego or anything but I'm in love with a MM. In fact we are members of the same church. He and his wife have been married over 35 years and she has let it be known that they do not have a sexual relationship. He is so starved for affection.

 

We always would just say hello and socialize somewhat over the last ten years but recently things just got heated. My husband died over 5 years ago and I have been alone. My MM just makes me feel great! He is so gentle and comfortable, I know I'm wrong and I want to be right but its so hard and I just love him so much. We are both adults over 50 years of age. What can I do?

[yousaveme]

He couldnt make me happy. I have to make me happy. I was looking at the relationship and its problem in a wrong way. He tried to make me happy in the relationship at times. Trust me we had our problems. But none could ever be solved. Because I WASNT HAPPY. I used cheating to cope in the relationship.

[frannie]

I think a lot of women, rather than 'reinventing' themselves, as they get older, realise that they wasted a LOT of years trying to please other people, putting their own needs on a back burner, and trying to be what other people expect them to be. And yes, making a lot of mistakes in the name of 'love'.

 

You get older; you realise this is ultimately a waste of your life. And yes, you do change.

 

And, no offence meant to anyone posting on this thread, but the very last person a mature, happy woman would want to get involved with is a judgemental, unforgiving, narrow-minded know-it-all so that works in both directions, then.

[Ainsley]

We are temporarily closing this thread in order to separate multiple discussions into different topics, since numerous posts have run off-topic.

 

It will re-open after editing is complete.

 

 

Edit: Thread is now open, after being broken into 3 separate threads. Please try to remain on-topic, and if you have something different to discuss start a new topic. Thank you very much.

[zeldazelda]

 

But, yes, there must be a life changing event and some serious soul searching to get to the point where one understands why one cheats and vows to never do it again.

 

not really. sometimes you just stop doing it. honestly.

[WildKittySub]

If a marriage is open and botth partners are okay with that more power to them but it is cheating when one partners goes behind the other's back.

__________________

 

Thank you. That's exactly what I was trying to say. Cheating = lying. Lying is usually considered a bad thing.

 

I never meant to say that what we do is for everybody, but as long as we are honest with all involved, nobody else has the right to judge either.

[Sevenmack]

The one thing no one's considered is this: Desire, as an Indiana writer I know has written, is more immediate than love. The latter is a state of being displayed by actions, a desire to make a relationship work and a sense of companionship beyond all other relationships (including those with best friends). But it isn't immediate; it takes time to develop it and it takes patience and work to keep it.

 

Desire, on the other hand, is instantaneous. The glance of a gorgeous woman in tight jeans and a sweater; the hunger for food; a craving for apple pie a la mode. When you get horny, you want to bust your nut into and onto anyone or anything; when you get hungry, it can be overcoming; and when you crave food or an item of clothing, it can become an obsession. All of this can make you want the immediate, even at the expense of the long-lasting.

 

This is definitely true when it comes to sex. Dance with a woman you desire at a club and you will want every inch of her body and taste all of her. And if she's new to the touch and the taste, it's even more immediately satisfying.

 

Love, on the other hand, can help you achieve happiness, but it's not the only factor in that. Your wife can't make you the better person you want to be and your husband can't help you shed those ten pounds. And some days, it isn't always satisfying because of a fight with one's significant other.

 

That's why you have to be on guard when it comes to infidelity; there will always be days when your significant other gets on your nerves -- and the woman in accounting has an offer that you may not want to refuse.