Slooop Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 My ex and I were together for 2 years 8 months before she decided to 'pursue' a relationship with a friend of hers whom she had always had a crush on. She did not cheat on me. I had loved this girl deeply. We shared an intimate emotional and intellectual bond that I never knew was possible. After the breakup I immediately initiated no contact. I was mortally heartbroken. She then emailed me 1 month later on my birthday, called 6 months after that, and 2 or 3 times monthly after that. Each time she left messages about how she wanted to talk. I stayed true to my new dame, NC, for more than 9 months.... ....until last night. So last night I was the last one exiting the subway when someone pulled my right arm, I turned.... ....it was her! It was an electrifying shock to be sure, but I stayed hard to the now internalized loveshack forum advice. I played it cool, calm and casual (in fact I was surprised how unaffected I actually felt). She asked me out for a drink, and at first I declined saying I had somewhere to be. She looked as if I had slapped her and persisted pleadingly. I finally gave in, (I know, my first mistake in 9 perfect months but you try saying no to those watery blue eyes you were once so in love with). At drinks, I kept it light, talking about my life, joking around, and making her laugh alot. I could tell she had something on her mind that she was too afraid to bring up. We went back to my place because she had dropped her bag off there (clever fox). I stayed near the doorway so as not to invite anything further. She looked up at me and got the courage to speak what was on her mind. She told me she still had feelings for me and she wanted to know if I had ever given thought to reconciling with her. I told her I had not. She was visibly hurt by this, she's someone who never cries but I could see her choking back tears. She told me that one of my virtues is that I am someone who put his heart before his head if I thought there was the slightest chance that my heart was right. She asked me to consider this in my decision. I decided to tell her in a nice way that I had thought about this more intensively than she had over the past 9 months and that I was over her. I told her that it would get easier as time went on and she left very upset. She wrote me an email later that night telling me that she cared for me unconditionally and understood that I was past the point of reciprocating. She was happy to see how well I was doing. Well that one shot me dead in the water. All the old feelings have come flooding back. I'm now hanging tangled in a spiderweb of confliction. The truth is that I've been miserable without her the past 9 months. I've thought about her every damn day. I realize though, that often the most mature decisions are the most painful ones. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that I did the right thing. I think I need someone to tell me to 'suck it up', be a man, and keep healing because I'm clearly not over her. But here are my two roads diverging in a wood, do I stick to getting over her and listen to my head? or do I give it another go and listen to my heart? Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny B Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Dude - This post seems almost like a fabrication, almost too good. This precise scenario is what everyone on this board could only hope for. And if it's true, you played your hand perfectly, for the entire 9 months... If she is sincere and you have no anymosity toward her, then why not give it a shot. this is what you wanted right? J Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Dude - This post seems almost like a fabrication, almost too good. This precise scenario is what everyone on this board could only hope for. And if it's true, you played your hand perfectly, for the entire 9 months... If she is sincere and you have no anymosity toward her, then why not give it a shot. this is what you wanted right? J If he truly realizes he is better off without her, then what's the point of reconciling? If she really wants him, she'll keep persisting. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 I think you have to make a choice. A hard one...to open a door or keep it locked. You should take a couple of days and think about all of the progress you have made. Is she still with this crush? Can you handle starting over ...or handle a rejection again from her? A tough decision, but I disagree with Cali in that no, she probably won't persist or at some point she will stop and give up herself. Maybe you could email her that it was nice to see her and catch up. Maybe explain how some of her choices hurt you and ask her simply what it is that she wants. If she does want to reconcile then how does she purpose to correct the damage done to the relationship. Has she learned anything from her experiences? Of course this will open dialog between you two and you may just prefer to not go there with her. Like I said take a couple of days. Nobody said love was easy.... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 I think you played things perfectly. She left you to pursue a relationship with someone else... that must have hurt very deeply. The NC and denying her a second chance was a good decision on your part. EVen if she has changed and truly wants to make it work with you, I'm glad you didn't give in right away. Obviously you have a lot to think about. You are seeing someone new- but have some pretty serious unresolved feelings for your ex. Leaving you for someone else is a pretty serious offense. I don't know if I could ever forgive or forget that. If you can't forgive that, completely let that go- a reconciliation will never work. Take some time before making a decision. It's a lot to take in and think about. D Link to post Share on other sites
LaughMachine Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 My ex and I were together for 2 years 8 months before she decided to 'pursue' a relationship with a friend of hers whom she had always had a crush on. She did not cheat on me. I had loved this girl deeply. We shared an intimate emotional and intellectual bond that I never knew was possible. After the breakup I immediately initiated no contact. I was mortally heartbroken. She then emailed me 1 month later on my birthday, called 6 months after that, and 2 or 3 times monthly after that. Each time she left messages about how she wanted to talk. I stayed true to my new dame, NC, for more than 9 months.... ....until last night. So last night I was the last one exiting the subway when someone pulled my right arm, I turned.... ....it was her! It was an electrifying shock to be sure, but I stayed hard to the now internalized loveshack forum advice. I played it cool, calm and casual (in fact I was surprised how unaffected I actually felt). She asked me out for a drink, and at first I declined saying I had somewhere to be. She looked as if I had slapped her and persisted pleadingly. I finally gave in, (I know, my first mistake in 9 perfect months but you try saying no to those watery blue eyes you were once so in love with). At drinks, I kept it light, talking about my life, joking around, and making her laugh alot. I could tell she had something on her mind that she was too afraid to bring up. We went back to my place because she had dropped her bag off there (clever fox). I stayed near the doorway so as not to invite anything further. She looked up at me and got the courage to speak what was on her mind. She told me she still had feelings for me and she wanted to know if I had ever given thought to reconciling with her. I told her I had not. She was visibly hurt by this, she's someone who never cries but I could see her choking back tears. She told me that one of my virtues is that I am someone who put his heart before his head if I thought there was the slightest chance that my heart was right. She asked me to consider this in my decision. I decided to tell her in a nice way that I had thought about this more intensively than she had over the past 9 months and that I was over her. I told her that it would get easier as time went on and she left very upset. She wrote me an email later that night telling me that she cared for me unconditionally and understood that I was past the point of reciprocating. She was happy to see how well I was doing. Well that one shot me dead in the water. All the old feelings have come flooding back. I'm now hanging tangled in a spiderweb of confliction. The truth is that I've been miserable without her the past 9 months. I've thought about her every damn day. I realize though, that often the most mature decisions are the most painful ones. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that I did the right thing. I think I need someone to tell me to 'suck it up', be a man, and keep healing because I'm clearly not over her. But here are my two roads diverging in a wood, do I stick to getting over her and listen to my head? or do I give it another go and listen to my heart? Still after 1 year and 5 months, I fantasize about a day like this. Your one lucky guy you know that:) Why did you guys break up any way? what were the problems Link to post Share on other sites
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