married man

[Fly My Pretties]

Kenzo, I've read all your posts on this thread and it's going to be sad watching you gradually become jaded and angry. You sound so full of hope now.

 

The things he is telling you, the things you are feeling - they've been done and said and felt a thousand times before, and it's all still ended the same way - with the OW well and truly under the bus.

 

You're still in the first flush of love, so you'll disregard what I'm saying.

 

Read around on this forum and you'll see the pattern of how your affair will go. In a year, you'll have become his "other wife" - you'll spend so much time arguing and being angry at his inaction, not giving you enough time, not being there at Christmas, that he'll see it as going from one bad relationship to another and he'll pull back even more. Then you'll get angrier and the cycle continues. After a while you will try no contact as a weapon to get him to realise how much he wants you. Repeat 3 times. Eventually, after probably several years and much bitterness you will see his lies for what they are and you won't care anymore. At that point, you'll come here and post how the sex was never that good anyway and you're off men for the rest of your life.

 

Or it will continue with you believing that he will leave in a few years. But then the kids will be moving schools and he can't leave just yet. Then it will be puberty. Then it will be graduation. Then he just has to wait until they are settled in college. Then they are having relationship problems and he and his wife have to support them. Then he will leave right after the wedding. Then the grandchildren will be born.

 

Do you have a cut-off date in your mind, and will you keep pushing it back?

 

You never know, you might be one of the lucky ones. But truthfully, everything he has said so far has come from The Big Book Of Married Men, and it's sad to watch you believe it.

[frannie]

Kenzo, I've read all your posts on this thread and it's going to be sad watching you gradually become jaded and angry. You sound so full of hope now.

 

Oddly enough I don't think Kenzo sounds full of hope at all. Far from it, in fact.

 

I think you post might have meant something had it not been full of assumption, generalisation and inaccuracy. I have a real problem with posts of that nature, because they encourage the reader to think... well, she's wrong on that, perhaps she's wrong about everything. They do tend to have an effect counter to the one most likely intended.

 

Which is sad. Because I think people on the OW forum need to focus on their needs and their choices. Encouraging people to become defensive, and clouding reality with truisms, doesn't really help. Or should I say, it never helped me, so I don't see how it will help anyone else..?

[Kenzo]

Oddly enough I don't think Kenzo sounds full of hope at all. Far from it, in fact.

 

I am not hopeful, and I think when I said that I believe in happily ever after I may have sounded that way.

 

I do believe in it, and I wish with everything that I am that it could be with him, but that's all it is-wishful thinking! Easy words to say...impossible to accept...for now (I suppose).

 

Spent the day fighting with him ( i was fighting-he was calm) and throwing around veiled inuendo about why I am so unhappy lately...told him he doesn't need 2 women nagging at him and he says when I'm angry it's not nagging, it's sexy---he is fkn out of his mind!

 

His final words to me "I know that I'm hurting you by putting you in this situation, I know I should let you go, I can't, I won't, I don't have the b*lls to let you go, sweet dreams my angel". Once again-melting my heart! I just hung up the phone...I had no more words...

 

and I don't have the b*lls either!!

[movinon05]

His final words to me "I know that I'm hurting you by putting you in this situation, I know I should let you go, I can't, I won't, I don't have the b*lls to let you go, sweet dreams my angel". Once again-melting my heart! I just hung up the phone...I had no more words...

 

and I don't have the b*lls either!!

 

He knows he's hurting you but he "won't" LET you go.

 

You're allowing him to control you. Don't you want to be the one who controls your own life? I let exMM control me for a very long time. It turns my stomach when I think of what I was like back then. Now, I control everything I do. Its very empowering. You should try it.

[Kenzo]

He openly admits how selfish he is, and I know it, I'm not blind to it, right now I am choosing to close my eyes...It's crazy, I'm crazy, and yes sometimes it actually, physically, makes me sick! My head tells me to run, sadly I've always done what my heart says

[Fly My Pretties]

 

I think you post might have meant something had it not been full of assumption, generalisation and inaccuracy

 

We'll see. Like I said, Kenzo could be lucky and it won't go down like I believe it will. Only time can tell if my assumptions are inaccurate.

[smokenmirrors]

I just don't get what being Pussy whipped has to do with any of this...

 

please elaborate Smoke...

 

You have such a bad attitude about men why?

 

Sure thing Pricillia. How can you not see that alot of these men and some women too, are cowardly pussies? If they weren't, they would do the right thing and make the decision to stay with their wife and be faithful, or leave their wife and live their lives with their OW. They come up with reason after reason why they can't/won't leave and it's always tied to the wife. Wife will take half, wife will use the kids against me, wife will badmouth me to family/friends and the list goes on. Not only that, but they blame the problems in their marriages on the wife. She doesn't do this, she doesn't do that, I don't like this about her, I don't like that about her, she doesn't worship me, adore me, cater to me and have sex with me 20 hours out of a day like she should, regardless whether there are kids to raise, a house to run, plus tackle a full time job etc etc etc.

 

Selfish, whiney pussies, who can't and won't own their own ****. And my attitude isn't limited to men, I know women like this as well. Some of them in my own extended family. I have 5 brothers, I know how some of these guys operate, I've witnessed it. It's disgusting. If there is one thing about people I can't stand, it's those who refuse to be accountable for their own actions.

[Jinxx]

I've never had a problem believing my MM when he says he doesn't have sex with his wife. One of the reasons is that I've been in a similar situation myself. And I've read plenty about sexless marriages... they are most certainly out there!

 

Count me in on this one two. I went two years of not having sex with my husband -- yup -- two years. Just wasn't interested and he left me alone. Now XMM -- he settles for the once a week pity f*ck.

[frannie]

We'll see. Like I said, Kenzo could be lucky and it won't go down like I believe it will. Only time can tell if my assumptions are inaccurate.

 

It's not that I disagree with your prognosis. Far from it.

 

I didn't put it well in my previous post, but what I'm saying is, that if you describe an affair in a way that it doesn't feel to those in it, and you make generalisations that are inaccurate, and the OW herself knows they're inaccurate, then there's a good chance that all the advice will be turned out along with the generalisations.

 

Kenzo has said that she's not hopeful, and feels like more of a 'hobby' to him than anything else... and that she feels used.

[movinon05]

He openly admits how selfish he is, and I know it, I'm not blind to it, right now I am choosing to close my eyes...It's crazy, I'm crazy, and yes sometimes it actually, physically, makes me sick! My head tells me to run, sadly I've always done what my heart says

 

exMM admitted he was selfish too. I closed my eyes too. But be wary, the selfishness usually wins out at your expense. We give too much of ourselves in these type situations and sometimes feel that we need to be unselfish in order to keep him. It doesn't usually work and we lose ourselves in the process.