What would you do? (long distance love)

[Alice]

Where do I start...

 

I've been going out with this guy for a couple of years, of which he has been 'out of town' for about 9 months (the last stint has been a six month period). He is coming back soon, for about a month abnd I don't know if I want to keep going out with him.

 

He is a great guy but I am of an age where I want something more stable in my life and I can't see us being in the same place for at least another 6 months or so.. and maybe not even then.. his plans are to stay where he is for a while.

 

He wont talk about our future and accuses me of nagging whenever I bring it up (though I swear i don't nag at all). On average I get 1 email a day from him (although none during weekends) his emails have become more and more brief and are now at a point where they may be just 1 or 2 lines He signs them with his name and no love. But if I ask him if he loves me/misses me he says "of course silly". He phones maybe once a week but he never really tells me how he is feeling or even what he is up to and it is usually very brief as he is always "running out of money on the phone". I can't phone him because the phone in his house has been disconnected (his housemates wont pay the bill).

 

He seems to be having fun where he is, out drinking with his friends every weekend - I pretty much trust him though (but I think there is always a small amount of doubt no matter what).

 

And he is arriving back in a couple of weeks. I can't even be sure he is coming back for me though either as he has a daughter here (from a previous relationship) whom he loves to the point of obsession and the weather is better here.

 

So, what do I do. I don't want to spend a month with the guy just to get used to him being around only to have him leave again with no promise for the future (if I just wanted a man for a month I could have a fling with a lot less heartbreak), I can't get him to talk about the future, I really feel like I don't know him anymore - though I really really loved the guy when he was here.

 

It is not like I can't get a date with anyone else either I have plenty of really nice offers (but have been completely loyal to my absentee boyfriend).

 

Am I just being stupid hanging on? I feel as though I am and yet I can't help hoping everything will 'work out' . He is the first boyfriend I have had that I would actually seriously consider marrying although I don't think he is ready to grow up or 'settle down' (we are both about 30).

 

What would you do?

 

Thanks a million.