polywog Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Or are you well balanced enough to be both? My recent break-up has made me look back at my past relationships, and reflect on what happened in my last one. Today I realized that in this last one I was the Giver . And when I thought about it, I realized that by being in that role, I was actually keeping a certain amount of intimacy at bay . It was a dismal sort of Eureka moment. Others, what have you been, what did you realize about it? Learn from it?
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I fluctuate being a giver or a taker. In past relationships I was definitely more of a taker but I truly love my husband so he can get the giver out of me whereas no on else ever could. I do think too much of one or the other isn't healthy for a lasting relationship.
Author polywog Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 I fluctuate being a giver or a taker. In past relationships I was definitely more of a taker but I truly love my husband so he can get the giver out of me whereas no on else ever could. I do think too much of one or the other isn't healthy for a lasting relationship. No, I don't think it's healthy either. That's why my realization was such a bummer. Especially since my SO is not really a Taker. I've never felt like someone who's a doormat/giver type. But, geez. I have some thinking to do.
Storyrider Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Is this a Dr. Phil question? I am worried that I'm a taker. I think my natural tendency is to be a taker, and I have to fight against that. Or (worse) to prefer to ask for nothing and give nothing. I think this is my "racket" as they used to say in est training.
Trialbyfire Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Most of the time, I was both. In the horrid situation, I realized that I always giving. Then I took it all back...
Author polywog Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 Is this a Dr. Phil question? Ew, NO. I Hate Dr. Phil. And I can't stand looking at his face with the bad eye job. Gives me the creeps. Anyhow, I used to be a big ol' taker, then I thought I was both, and now I am having to realize that I have to balance it out and I thought I sort of had.
Touche Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I fluctuate being a giver or a taker. In past relationships I was definitely more of a taker but I truly love my husband so he can get the giver out of me whereas no on else ever could. I do think too much of one or the other isn't healthy for a lasting relationship. This is really interesting to me. With my ex I felt that I was more the giver. But it was such an unsatisfactory relationship for me. Now, I'd say I'm more the taker (not that I don't give though) and it's the BEST relationship I've ever had...hmmm...makes me think too.
riobikini Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 re: Polywog: " Are you a Giver or a Taker?" I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Giver -but one that knows her *limits*- and needs the *reciprocation*. -Rio
magichands Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 What is this "giver" you speak of? I'm confused.
riobikini Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 For me, personally, -it means I give my time, my talent, my wealth, my knowlege, my inner strength & physical strength, my understanding, my attention, my praise, my encouragement, both my secret and spoken adoration, my self to fight for you, support & protect you & be your greatest advocate & admirer -in general it means my heart- and much that makes up me. If I have the definition of Giver wrong (Smile) -then I still can't find it in me to apologize, nor redesign myself to fit the other description. I was simply born this way. (Smile) -Rio
Curmudgeon Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I'm a great giver and a cheerful taker. I enjoy reciprocal relationships so I give freely and take graciously.
Quinch Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I've always been too much of a giver but that's been true of all aspects of my life. I give everything away and have nothing left for myself when things go wrong. Its one of my New Years Resolutions to put myself first more.
justagirlforever Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I have traditionally been a giver. And with my most recent relationship ending, came to the stark realisation that I've been giving far too much. Giving is good - but not to the point of your own detriment. Or trying to give even more to make up for that which is missing. And as Quinch said: give everything away and have nothing left for yourself when things go wrong. I kept giving and giving without getting back what I needed - and fundamentally certain needs have to be met to keep the base of a relationship strong. Thank goodness I can see that now. In my next relationship (when that time will come), I will be more conscience to try and achieve that balance.
bluetuesday Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 if you want to put a label on it i am a giver by nature, although i'm no walkover. it is entirely possible to be a balanced giver and my best relationships have been with people who were also givers. i never dated a taker successfully. i believe that giving is the key to fulfilment. the concept of a taker is someone who selfishly thinks having their needs met is paramount. that's not nice to be around, IMO.
riobikini Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Quinch -great pic of The Rock! -I find him irresistable. (Smile) -Rio
Pyro Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 There is that old saying "Is better to give then to receive", and I believe that. I am more of a giver but just to those who deserve it, and I will only take when I feel that it will help me in some way.
OceanBlue Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I enjoy reciprocal relationships so I give freely and take graciously. I love the way way you worded that. I have always been a giver. I am working hard at learning to be a "gracious taker". At times it is not easy to break the long time giver habit and accept when others are giving.
Storyrider Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I am embarrassed to admit this b/c it sounds so bad, but I think this is part of my problem with my family. Of course I have to give to my children every day. But I find that often I do so resentfully. I wish I had a more giving attitude about my giving.
suchislife Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I'm a giver. I have learned to be more careful. I hope someday I find a giver. That would be very nice.
magichands Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I'm a giver. I have learned to be more careful. I hope someday I find a giver. That would be very nice. I think you've got it all wrong. If you find a giver, there will be constant arguments about who gets to do something, and nothing will get done. You will be stuck in perpetual lovelock. What you need is a taker. And you will live forever in perfect harmony. Of course, I already know that you're not going to take my advice, but I had to try.
coco_milkshake Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I was a giver in my last relationship and thats why it hurt so much when we split up. I am hoping to be a giver to someone who is worthy of it.
Author polywog Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 I was a giver in my last relationship and thats why it hurt so much when we split up. I am hoping to be a giver to someone who is worthy of it. Who gives to you, too. I feel like I got a little too black&white starting this post with the terms "Giver" and "Taker". There are so many shades of grey. I started this post because I realized that I had been giving and giving to someone in an unbalanced way; someone who didn't exactly want what I was giving, and didn't really give to me, probably because he wanted out. I think I realized this on some level and hoped that my gestures would make him see how much I loved him. But things just don't work this way.... sigh.
Trialbyfire Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I think you've got it all wrong. If you find a giver, there will be constant arguments about who gets to do something, and nothing will get done. You will be stuck in perpetual lovelock. What you need is a taker. And you will live forever in perfect harmony. Of course, I already know that you're not going to take my advice, but I had to try. lmao, you are too much.
Quinch Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 This one's just for you, Rio Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'????
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