Are you a Giver or a Taker?

[polywog]

Or are you well balanced enough to be both? My recent break-up has made me look back at my past relationships, and reflect on what happened in my last one. Today I realized that in this last one I was the Giver . And when I thought about it, I realized that by being in that role, I was actually keeping a certain amount of intimacy at bay . It was a dismal sort of Eureka moment.

 

Others, what have you been, what did you realize about it? Learn from it?

[Island Girl]

I fluctuate being a giver or a taker. In past relationships I was definitely more of a taker but I truly love my husband so he can get the giver out of me whereas no on else ever could.

 

I do think too much of one or the other isn't healthy for a lasting relationship.

[polywog]

I fluctuate being a giver or a taker. In past relationships I was definitely more of a taker but I truly love my husband so he can get the giver out of me whereas no on else ever could.

 

I do think too much of one or the other isn't healthy for a lasting relationship.

 

No, I don't think it's healthy either. That's why my realization was such a bummer. Especially since my SO is not really a Taker. I've never felt like someone who's a doormat/giver type. But, geez. I have some thinking to do.

[Storyrider]

Is this a Dr. Phil question?

 

I am worried that I'm a taker. I think my natural tendency is to be a taker, and I have to fight against that.

 

Or (worse) to prefer to ask for nothing and give nothing. I think this is my "racket" as they used to say in est training.

[Trialbyfire]

Most of the time, I was both. In the horrid situation, I realized that I always giving. Then I took it all back...

[polywog]

Is this a Dr. Phil question?

 

Ew, NO. I Hate Dr. Phil. And I can't stand looking at his face with the bad eye job. Gives me the creeps.

 

Anyhow, I used to be a big ol' taker, then I thought I was both, and now I am having to realize that I have to balance it out and I thought I sort of had.

[Touche]

I fluctuate being a giver or a taker. In past relationships I was definitely more of a taker but I truly love my husband so he can get the giver out of me whereas no on else ever could.

 

I do think too much of one or the other isn't healthy for a lasting relationship.

 

This is really interesting to me. With my ex I felt that I was more the giver. But it was such an unsatisfactory relationship for me.

 

Now, I'd say I'm more the taker (not that I don't give though) and it's the BEST relationship I've ever had...hmmm...makes me think too.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Polywog: " Are you a Giver or a Taker?"

 

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Giver -but one that knows her *limits*- and needs the *reciprocation*.

 

-Rio

[magichands]

What is this "giver" you speak of? I'm confused.

[riobikini]

For me, personally, -it means I give my time, my talent, my wealth, my knowlege, my inner strength & physical strength, my understanding, my attention, my praise, my encouragement, both my secret and spoken adoration, my self to fight for you, support & protect you & be your greatest advocate & admirer -in general it means my heart- and much that makes up me.

 

If I have the definition of Giver wrong (Smile) -then I still can't find it in me to apologize, nor redesign myself to fit the other description.

 

I was simply born this way.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Curmudgeon]

I'm a great giver and a cheerful taker. I enjoy reciprocal relationships so I give freely and take graciously.

[alphamale]

i'm a lover, not a fighter.

[Quinch]

I've always been too much of a giver but that's been true of all aspects of my life. I give everything away and have nothing left for myself when things go wrong. Its one of my New Years Resolutions to put myself first more.

[justagirlforever]

I have traditionally been a giver. And with my most recent relationship ending, came to the stark realisation that I've been giving far too much. Giving is good - but not to the point of your own detriment. Or trying to give even more to make up for that which is missing. And as Quinch said: give everything away and have nothing left for yourself when things go wrong.

I kept giving and giving without getting back what I needed - and fundamentally certain needs have to be met to keep the base of a relationship strong.

 

Thank goodness I can see that now. In my next relationship (when that time will come), I will be more conscience to try and achieve that balance.

[bluetuesday]

if you want to put a label on it i am a giver by nature, although i'm no walkover. it is entirely possible to be a balanced giver and my best relationships have been with people who were also givers. i never dated a taker successfully.

 

i believe that giving is the key to fulfilment. the concept of a taker is someone who selfishly thinks having their needs met is paramount. that's not nice to be around, IMO.

[riobikini]

Quinch -great pic of The Rock! -I find him irresistable.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Pyro]

There is that old saying "Is better to give then to receive", and I believe that.

I am more of a giver but just to those who deserve it, and I will only take when I feel that it will help me in some way.

[OceanBlue]

I enjoy reciprocal relationships so I give freely and take graciously.

 

I love the way way you worded that.

 

I have always been a giver. I am working hard at learning to be a "gracious taker". At times it is not easy to break the long time giver habit and accept when others are giving.

[Storyrider]

I am embarrassed to admit this b/c it sounds so bad, but I think this is part of my problem with my family. Of course I have to give to my children every day. But I find that often I do so resentfully. I wish I had a more giving attitude about my giving.

[suchislife]

I'm a giver. I have learned to be more careful. I hope someday I find a giver. That would be very nice.

[magichands]

I'm a giver. I have learned to be more careful. I hope someday I find a giver. That would be very nice.

I think you've got it all wrong. If you find a giver, there will be constant arguments about who gets to do something, and nothing will get done. You will be stuck in perpetual lovelock.

 

What you need is a taker. And you will live forever in perfect harmony. Of course, I already know that you're not going to take my advice, but I had to try.

[coco_milkshake]

I was a giver in my last relationship and thats why it hurt so much when we split up. I am hoping to be a giver to someone who is worthy of it.

[polywog]

I was a giver in my last relationship and thats why it hurt so much when we split up. I am hoping to be a giver to someone who is worthy of it.

 

Who gives to you, too.

 

I feel like I got a little too black&white starting this post with the terms "Giver" and "Taker". There are so many shades of grey. I started this post because I realized that I had been giving and giving to someone in an unbalanced way; someone who didn't exactly want what I was giving, and didn't really give to me, probably because he wanted out. I think I realized this on some level and hoped that my gestures would make him see how much I loved him. But things just don't work this way.... sigh.

[Trialbyfire]

I think you've got it all wrong. If you find a giver, there will be constant arguments about who gets to do something, and nothing will get done. You will be stuck in perpetual lovelock.

 

What you need is a taker. And you will live forever in perfect harmony. Of course, I already know that you're not going to take my advice, but I had to try.

lmao, you are too much.

[Quinch]

This one's just for you, Rio

 

Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'????