Porn_Guy Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 You claim that I don't know what's in my heart? Or that I am continuously lying to everybody on Loveshack? What the hell is your point other than to come to my threads and insult me? Please, stay away from my threads if all you have to say is this. I'm not saying that....what i'm saying is you're in a sticky situation and you must compomise. it up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 I'm not saying that....what i'm saying is you're in a sticky situation and you must compomise. it up!Oh, OK. I am used to you playing another record... or maybe you quickly changed it... cuz you're afraid of me! Yeah, you're right. Being flexible is always more reasonable and gives you time to think of your actions and find better solutions and change your mind (or other people's minds). I am far from being a submissive victim that takes her husband's abuse. Now that I seet hat his threats were just bluff, I am in a great position actually, and my only problem is how to turn my husband into a prince. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Now that I seet hat his threats were just bluff, I am in a great position actually, and my only problem is how to turn my husband into a prince. I wouldn't think so.. I know when I bluff about something and someone calls my bluff because they know I'm bluffing then the stakes are automatically risen to a higher level and I go thru with my bluff.. If you play games with him this will backfire on you and you might find you and your kids in a different position than you have planned for.. Remember that you hubby isn't stupid and he does have a brain that functions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 I wouldn't think so.. I know when I bluff about something and someone calls my bluff because they know I'm bluffing then the stakes are automatically risen to a higher level and I go thru with my bluff.. If you play games with him this will backfire on you and you might find you and your kids in a different position than you have planned for.. Remember that you hubby isn't stupid and he does have a brain that functions.I called him on his bluff and he withdrew. In any case, I will benefit from becoming financially independent. He loves me and he loves the kids, but he doesn't know how to communicate. I have a feeling that everything will be OK eventually. It's my job to hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I called him on his bluff and he withdrew. He won't always... sooner or later he is going to want to prove to you that he is right.. I'm just saying.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 but he doesn't know how to communicate. Well, if he won't go to therapy, do the next best thing. Buy him a book! And together you two can follow it and learn how to communicate, and really listen, understand eachother. My fear though is, he is just telling you what you wanna hear to keep you quiet. Time will tell, in his actions not just his words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 He won't always... sooner or later he is going to want to prove to you that he is right.. I'm just saying..With all due respect, Art, you always are very negative... we do have peaceful and wonderful moments, you know. You don't refer to some positive facts such as: he is wonderful with my sons and treats them even better than their own father; he is very loving and affectionate when we don't fight; he is very generous (buys toys for the kids very often, I can spend a smuch as I want, he supports my mother) and it speaks of him as a person in whole; he doesn't limit me or restrict me in anything I want to do; he is faithful and loyal, and I know that even if we would get divorced, he would always help me, just like he is helping his first wife (she needs emotional help). So the good outweighs the bad big time. We have a lot of potential to succeed; we just need to learn to get along. And since he is the businessman in the relationship and I am the "pshychologis," it's me who should figure out what needs to be changed. I don't need to bend, I just need to get the in-laws out of my mind. Who cares what they have to say? Well, if he won't go to therapy, do the next best thing. Buy him a book! And together you two can follow it and learn how to communicate, and really listen, understand eachother. It's a good idea, but people understand books the way they want to. To tell you the truth, I started with the divorce threats first whenever something pissed me off. I have been abusive in my language also and first started. So I should perhaps take a deep look into myself. If I were a better wife, he would have followed and reaspected my opinions more. It's like if you have a teacher that goes bananas twice a week, you won't consider his whole course of teaching as credible as it actually might be. If I calm down (and view it as acquiring a more mature or even "manipulative" approach - instead of "shutting my mouth up") and show some maturity, wisdom, and flexibility, he will either change or be the only trouble-maker. But for some reson, when I am calm, he is a wonderful husband. So he deals badly with conflicting situations and can't communicate well. That means I should change my approach, rather than teach him how to fight. It's true that he always defends me and that should actually be enough for me. This conflict with the in-laws will be resolved one way or another. It has to be, because none of us wil give up. They want me out of his life and I won't give them the pleasure to see that happening. I will forget about them and stop arguing with hubby because of them. Then we'll have a successful marriage and they will lose. They will either withdraw or go to the extent of making him choose between me and them. I would rather let them be bad. He is not influenced by their opinion of me anyway. I'll deal with their attacks ad hoc and not let them interfere with my relationship with hubby. My fear though is, he is just telling you what you wanna hear to keep you quiet. Time will tell, in his actions not just his words. I don't know what you mean by this. But thatnks for posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 With all due respect, Art, you always are very negative... Hit close to home.. eh ?.. Negative.. no... I was referring to the post where you had said you were seeing all his threats as a bluff and you exuded power over him.. and I told you how I handle when someone calls my bluffs and I know that they know I was bluffing.. How is that negative.. Sorry RP.. I think you fail to realize that your husband is a walking thinking person and he can go any way he choses with your believe that his threats are just bluffs.. and the rest.. I stand by my words.. threats and coercion are used as a form of domestic abuse by an abuser to gain control over the situation.. negative.. not by me.. but for you .. yes Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 You don't refer to some positive facts such as: he is wonderful with my sons and treats them even better than their own father; he is very loving and affectionate when we don't fight; Sure... but I'm not posting to blow smoke up your ass about how wonderful of a guy he is.. I'm posting to show you what I see from your posts about your relationship with him.. Would you rather I just take his side and tell you how wrong you are to feel the way you do and he is perfect and you should just shut up and do what he wants ?.. I'm trying to be objective and always have in previous threads.. but I'm starting to see a pattern of abuse that is originating from him.. I'm not trying to come across as too harsh.. I am trying to get you to see from my vantage point.. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 , and my only problem is how to turn my husband into a prince. here we go again with the woman trying to change the man... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 So I should perhaps take a deep look into myself. If I were a better wife, he would have followed and reaspected my opinions more. Yes, it takes two, and you can look within yourself all you want, but you being a better wife isnt' going to change your situation...Your husband has to do HIS part and look within himself as well. That is the only way things will get better, for BOTH of you to work together, communicate and really understand eachother. Been a while since you've been on LS, so check in soon RP! Hope you're doing alright. Link to post Share on other sites
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