My situation

[Citizen Erased]

I barely even know where to start... Since my parents have split up I feel as if I have had to take one or the others side. I started off by living with my father, didn't see my mother for 3 months at one point, if she rang the house she would speak to my brother, my sister and not me. I then went to live with my mother because my father had to move areas for work reasons and I wanted to stay in the same school.

 

My father felt betrayed because he obviously took it as I was taking her side so I had VERY limited contact. I lived with my mother for 2 years but ended up moving out shortly before my 18th birthday because my mothers boyfriend was an alcoholic a#@ and I couldn't take it anymore, especially with the stress of exams. Moved in with my grandmother for 2 months whilst I finished school. I now live with my boyfriend.

 

Okay so after I moved out of my mothers my dad pretty much didn't support me in my decision even though he knew the situation. My mother didn't speak to me for about a year because the circumstances in which I left were not exactly nice. My father started being nicer to me and we had at least a bit of a relationship. I worked close to him so I would see him alot, and I worked with my sister whom he is very close to, he prefers her above me because for one he doesn't get me, my mind frame, I have a different level of intelligence to the rest of my family (i'm not saying that I am so smart and they are all dumb, far from it, they are just in the finance business, everything is planned out for them. Whilst I am studying Psychology, am interested in art history, want to travel etc.). My sister is exactly like my father so he doesn't have to take anytime to figure out what is going on inside her head.

 

Anyway so my mother has just broken up with her boyfriend because he assaulted her and she has had enough of his drinking. So I am being supportive of her, we are getting along better then we ever have. But of course life isn't perfect and now my father barely speaks to me. In fact the last time I saw or spoke to him was a week before Christmas. He has just moved with his new wife and my brother. He has not tried to contact me at all. He has changed his mobile number recently and he has not given me his new house number. I have no way to contact him because he of course has changed jobs so his work email is different. My sister has gone to visit him twice since he has moved, everyone else in my family has been invited to see him but I never even got "you're welcome anytime to come visit".

 

It is honestly like I have not even one parent between the both of them and I never have had two, even when they were together. My mother really treats me more like a friend, confidante which is great and all but it makes me sad to see my friends and my boyfriend's relationship with their parents. Because I have never experienced it.

 

There is so much more but this is getting way too long and I won't stop. I guess I just wanted to vent, noone else in my life would know how to deal with this if I spoke to them.

[missdeathwish]

*hug*

 

Divorce sucks. Bottom line. I'm sorry that you're having trouble with your parents.

 

Find out how to get in touch with your dad. Ask him out for coffee. Get your sister's help if you need to. Sit down with him. Tell him, "I love you, and it hurts me that you don't make an effort to have me in your life. I want you to be a part of mine."

 

As for your relationship with your mother, try sitting down with her and saying, "Mom, I love you and I'm grateful that you and I can talk about our lives and what is going on in them together. However, sometimes I feel like our relationship is more like a friendship than a maternal one. I need a mother who will do xzy (what do you think a mother should be? tell her)."

 

Baby steps. It will take a long time. Best wishes.