wanthim4eva Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 my mum has been up and down with christianity since i was about 5. she was in some religeous cult from when i was 6 - 12. i felt like i had my childhood stripped away from me. she got rid of the television. there wsa no pop music, no trousers, make up, earings or fancy hair cuts for women, no movies/cinema, i couldnt play with any friends or go 2 partys i was invited to if they were on a sunday. i felt totaly abnormal at school... i couldnt join in the chats about what had been watched on television, i couldnt talk about the latest pop stars, i rarely went to partys i was asked to go to coz the majority of them were held on sundays. i lived a normal childhood till i was 6 n then i had eveything ripped away from me and i rebelled hard at 13 and did loads of drink, drugs, sex, runing away for days etc etc. even though my mum was there with me when i was 6-12... i felt like she wasnt there emotionaly and i couldnt talk to her about anything coz most things were "worldly". my mum stopped it all when i was about 14 and went off the rails herself,, drinking, trying out bisexuality, smoking weed, partying etc etc. was a bit weird to say the least. then she met someone and everythign was cool with them. a few years back i stared to notice her starting to get a little religeous again and its got more and more and mroe intense again. she said the cult thing tha twe went to when i was a kid was most prob a big mistake and she would never be intense again but sometimes i jsut feel she is WAY to intense about it all. when i nee dto talk to her, if its anything about men, drink etc (worldy things) she wont let me talk 2 her about it and offer advice - she just sais "turn to the lord, he will help you" it gets so annoying becuase i have never ever felt like i have had a propa mum who i can tell everything to and be realyl close to coz she was in that cult for ages and then she went off the rails and then she met the guys she's with now and her christianity sais that you should put your husband first before ANYTHING. i dont know if anyone has read my previous posts about whats happening with my ex but... i have a feelin he may ring her after a few weeks if i dont contact him or respond to his mails, calls.. just to see if i am ok... he has her phone number. i rang her up and asked her that if he rings her to tell him that she hasnt spoken to me .. but she wont do that.. she said she has a duty to god not to lie so she wont. its so frustrating becuase i know that my exs mum lies for his when i have rang the house phone worried about him... there s been times ive text her and said i am really worried about my ex and have you seen him.. but she has totaly ignored me. so it winds me up so much that my mum wont even do this one thing for me. i dont want my ex knowing im ok and my whereabouts or anything... but she wont do this one things for me. i am so frustrated n annoyed Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I am sorry the situation you are in right now. It seems your mom wanted to protect you from bad things but did it in a extreme way. I know how frustrated it is as I have a controlling mom too when I was a teenager. but we are in good term now. I read about the thread about your bf. after read it, I felt something like you want 10 from your bf, but he only could give you 5 or less. you cannot force anybody to get the love you need. further pushing, crying won't serve your purpose, and I don't think he is mature enough to handle these emotional up and down. sounds it is cliche, you have to have the love in you first. Before you sort out things in your mind and calm down a little, I advise NC. Hope things develop in good direction for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mark B Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Didn't you ever hear the Prince song I would Die 4 u You shoudln't dis your mum. Show her some luv n respec. Jesus died 4 real so you could go 2 heaven and live with him 4eva in the sky way up high in the clouds 2getha Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Didn't you ever hear the Prince song I would Die 4 u You shoudln't dis your mum. Show her some luv n respec. Jesus died 4 real so you could go 2 heaven and live with him 4eva in the sky way up high in the clouds 2getha Are you drinking? Link to post Share on other sites
Mark B Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Are you drinking? sistah i take massive sips frum da tree of wisdom Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 sistah i take massive sips frum da tree of wisdom You have better advise? go ahead I know you read lots of stuff, what do you think for real? Link to post Share on other sites
Mark B Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 You have better advise? go ahead I know you read lots of stuff, what do you think for real? Till like a fire there appeared The Prophet Whose words were as a blazing furnace Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanthim4eva Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 Mark B. i never dissed my mum. i said how intesnse she gets with christianity is frustrating and the fact i have felt lonely since i was 6 is frustrating. i show her love and respect but sometimes i want some advice other then turn to jesus can u imagine how frustratin it is to go to someome repeatedly asking for advice or just wanting to talk and they refuse to talk about anything unless it is very clean cut. if i start to say one thing that she thinks she may not like then she jsut sais "i dont want to know". Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Till like a fire there appeared The Prophet Whose words were as a blazing furnace Maybe your future is destined as a prophet or pastor Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Mark B. i never dissed my mum. i said how intesnse she gets with christianity is frustrating and the fact i have felt lonely since i was 6 is frustrating. i show her love and respect but sometimes i want some advice other then turn to jesus can u imagine how frustratin it is to go to someome repeatedly asking for advice or just wanting to talk and they refuse to talk about anything unless it is very clean cut. if i start to say one thing that she thinks she may not like then she jsut sais "i dont want to know". Okay, can you answer this question? you are mom yourself now. Do you think you are a perfect mom? what if your mom had full of problems she couldn't handle at that time? I understand your frustration. but now it's time for you to take responsibities. stay in self pity, or find a way to heal yourself? I was self pity, but that didn't help me, only made me more mierable. In this world none of us have perfect parents, now YOU can make a positive change, for you and for your daughter Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I can understand that it is frustrating, but all you can do is learn to work around it. Don't ask her to lie. Tell her to tell him that you've asked that she not discuss anything with him. Period. Then he still will not have any information and your mom won't feel like she is sinning. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 WantHim4Eva, I hear your pain. (Smile) I grew up in a similar background: my mother was also a religious fanatic -but lucky for me, I was hardheaded, and independent enough to deflect the worst of it, although, it did cause alot of grief between my mother and I. It was just that -even with all the "love for Christ" she constantly talked about, very little of it made really good sense to me, and I was an ever-present dismay to her because of my own very strong opposition to her "brand" of religion. Fact was, I felt (and still do) that if a religion, or belief, or practice doesn't make you happy with yourself -and makes others miserable around you, besides- then it isn't truly worth much, and I figure you you can think up better ways to punsh yourself -all by yourself- than follow along with the motley crue. But my mom was always looking for something to *empower* her. And I think that's the gleaming attraction for many cult-members-in waiting: they are looking for either a leader who appears powerful, or to gain personal power for themselves to overcome personal shortcomings in a mystical, instantaneous way developed by some guru-like leader that relieves them of having to truly deal within *themselves* for the answer to their most serious, pressing problems. But it's strange -and contradictory to that last theory- that they often adopt intricate practices of worship to gain -and to remain in- the good graces of whatever cult religion they've chosen. Often, these practices are all about denying oneself of something -and almost always, the thing they choose to deny for themselves is something related to the general happiness of a human being. The primary focus, and pre-requisite to getting to heaven seems to be, "Let's take away everything good, and bright, and joyous -everything pleasant, and carefree- eveything that could possibly make a human smile, and laugh, and enjoy life -and let's call it sinful, and bad". This self-deprivation seems to be the consolation prize for attaining personal holiness, "goodness" and "uprightness" -and of course, heaven. Not so, in my book. But cults emphatically defend the ideal. Bottom line: I think that most members of "cult religions" are running from serious personal problems that should probably be better dealt with -and perhaps, resolved- on the couch of a therapist or psychiatrist. In closing on this matter, I think that, though all religion should be respected in regards to the individual and his/her choice of their beliefs & practices, it's when it becomes damaging to others that it steps over the boundaries and cannot qualify under any right of protection -or immunity. As far as you mother carefully choosing *when* her religion *allows* her to lie or not -I think this is a pretty good example of how cult religion (especially) is constructed of a grab-bag of mixed principles and beliefs that simply suit the need of the individual to gain -and remain- in some vague and confusing self-perception of power. Suggestion to your dilema? Accept that your mother is strange, un-nerving, at times, and marches to the beat of her own mixed up drumbeat, and that you do not necessarily, have to march along with her. Make it clear to your boyfriend (in no uncertain terms) that you are an individual -apart from your mother- who possesses her *own* strong mind, ideals and is perfectly capable of making her own choices regarding religion. Tell him that, although you appreciate a man who displays willingness to be close to your mother, that uniting with her in orchestrated manipulation against you (or, in their book, your best interest) will not be tolerated. Tell your mother the same. And make it stick. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Wow Rio... very well said as always! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 But my mom was always looking for something to *empower* her. Don't have to 'look for', it is a free gift from the Lord :laugh: to those who believe in Him. The power to heal other people physically, mentally. the power to tell the good news to other people, the power to understand the Bible... quite different from what you thought....of course I cannot stop Lord bless me if He want to:D Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Ahh, religious freaks are annoying aren't they? Since rounding them up and putting them all on an island looks unlikely () all you can do is not talk to her about it, and live your life the way YOU want to. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Ahh, religious freaks are annoying aren't they? Since rounding them up and putting them all on an island looks unlikely () all you can do is not talk to her about it, and live your life the way YOU want to. Thank you, Cardplay3r:D I feel quite comfortable if people don't response and just listen. Link to post Share on other sites
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