Codependancy

[RocketMan2]

Hi,

 

Im RocketMan, and I'm co-dependant.

 

Well thats the denial out of the way.

 

I've been reading a bit about co-dependancy on t'internet, and without being a self-diagnosing hypochondriac, I seem to have lots of the symptoms....

• Do you find yourself making decisions based on other people's opinions? Yes
  
• Is it important to you that people like you and want to be your friend? Yes
  
• Do you have a strong desire to help others, but deep down you know you do it so that they will like or love you? Yes to the first point, probably to the second
  
• Do you seem to notice everyone else's problems and have a need to tell them what you think they should do to solve them? Notice yes, but I woudlnt force my opinion on anyone
  
• Do you feel anxious, angry or upset when people don't do things you want them to do, or dont do things the way you want them to do them? Yes
  
• Do you find yourself in relationships where you do all the giving and the other person does all the taking? YES
  
• Are you involved in activities that demand all of your time and energy and you are neglecting your family or yourself? Relationships, maybe?

Does anyone have any experience with accepting theyre codependant, and how to cope with and overcome it?

 

 

Rocket

[lindya]

Does anyone have any experience with accepting theyre codependant, and how to cope with and overcome it?

Rocket

 

I cope with and overcome it by making a neat pile of every psychobabbling book and article I can find that seeks to make a freak show of any form of humanity that departs from the "Jane and John went to the shops, bought some food, returned and cooked it together in an inter-dependent but NOT co-dependent manner..." version of what people should be.

 

Then I set fire to the pile. Pyromania is a lot more fun than co-dependency, but the snag is that if you run out of matches you can't rely on anyone to give you a light.

[magichands]

I've been reading a bit about co-dependancy on t'internet,

But not quite enough to have learned how to spell it. Maybe that's because it's not even real.

[suchislife]

RM,

 

I know you are trying, but maybe you should just try to get through the day. Don't read too much into this stuff. I'm glad you are trying - don't get me wrong - but don't beat yourself up.

 

Just look at some of the things you think you might be doing wrong and take one thing at a time.

 

For example, someone I work with told me, "maybe what you want, isn't what you need."

 

This has kept me pretty busy, but it doesn't occupy every moment of my day. I just take the thought out and look at it once in a while, then I go back to staying busy and doing things that make me happy.

 

The fact that you are trying is a big part of the battle.

 

Keep posting, please.

[magichands]

Great post, suchislife.

[RocketMan2]

I cope with and overcome it by making a neat pile of every psychobabbling book and article I can find that seeks to make a freak show of any form of humanity that departs from the "Jane and John went to the shops, bought some food, returned and cooked it together in an inter-dependent but NOT co-dependent manner..." version of what people should be.

 

Then I set fire to the pile. Pyromania is a lot more fun than co-dependency, but the snag is that if you run out of matches you can't rely on anyone to give you a light.

 

 

Thanks. That was really helpful.

[lindya]

Thanks. That was really helpful.

 

Believe it or not, it was actually meant to be helpful. These pop-psychology labels seem like a great tool to help people insult and disparage eachother (or themselves) under the guise of sounding detached and "professional". I don't know how much use they are in helping people to understand their unique selves, however.

[boshemia]

Yes actually, and while I still have a lot of work to do... I'm doing better all the time.

 

First you need to understand what codependency really is... to simplify it consider it an addiction to love. Sometimes an addiction to a person, but usually it affects all of your relationships. It is deeply rooted in self-esteem issues. Trying to hard to make other people love you and need to because need somehow equals love.

 

go check out http://www.coping.org and see what they have to offer.

 

Don't consider it just another neurosis, we are all neurotic in our own ways... it's really just another opportunity for growth.

[soulseeker]

Hey Rocket. I have done some reading on the subject, check this site out, tell me what you think: joy2meu

 

Interesting stuff from one person's point of view. You have to get past the unicorns, unless, you like unicorns

[EC]

I said yes to all of those but I guess Im in denial I will just blame it on my dad like everyone else does