2nd chance, 3rd chance, 4th chance...who's counting?

[pagelynn304]

Hey everyone, i'm new to this forum, and so far i have to say it's great! I'm a huge fan already.

And of course, i've come with a problem so share, and hopefully get some good advice on. So thanks in advance.

 

This is a lengthy one, and if i were to tell the whole story it would probably take just as long to tell as it has taken to unravel in real life. So i'll stick to the important parts.

 

2.5 years ago i met this guy after going through a long and grueling break up of my own. He was amazing and we had that "instant connection" i thought was only possible in the cheesy romantic movies. I made the huge mistake of sleeping with him fairly soon after we had met (a product of the drunkest night of my life). So for about 4 months we were great and i found out he had recently been through a break-up himself. After the 4 wonderful months i got a call from a girl i had never met claiming to know him and asking if i would meet her.

 

I did (at a well lit, busy restaurant) only to find that this was his ex and he had also still been dating her for the past 4 months. We both confronted him and made him choose between us (also stupid) and he chose me! Great right? Well, not really. Long story short he has been between the two of us for the past 2 years.

 

Finally around thanksgiving 06, he decided to give it his all with her as a last chance thing. So we cut off all communication and i actually felt this was the best thing for us. Then around x-mas, i recieved an e-mail from him telling me that he knew it wasn't right between them and it was because he really still had feelings for me. I didn't act on this, but after the new year, they were broken up and he was all about me. Which seemed great.

 

Now we are not together (well not labeled together, but we actually are in every aspect of the word), and haven't even talked about being together. I haven't brought it up because i know he is still a little upset about his ex (he was with her for 4 years prior to meeting me) and i thought i would give him time to grieve and that him and i could work on basically me not hating him. It's been over 2 months now that they have been broken up, and i'm just not happy with the situation. I feel like in the past 2 years we have moved forward, and moved backward, but in the end are in the same spot we started.

 

And i'm just sick of being there.

So the biggest problem i am having is the debate between bringing this up to him or just cutting him out of my life all together. The worst part of it all is he truely is my best friend and we have ALL the same friends.

So any advice is greatly appreciated.

[Spinderella]

So far he has easily been able to have you both, even if he temporarily drops one for the other. It seems he maybe leaves it until he fears the other is about to move on before he dumps the one he is with. At this point it would be very hard to trust that he is sure about his decision. What has he done or said to make you think that this time it is really over with the ex?

If he really is done with her, what is it that you are sick of? If you are sick of him and want the relationship over, then what is keeping you from just moving on? If you want to be friends only, then that would be possible after a period of NC.

Its difficult from your post to know what you are asking exactly. Also has he ever explained this to you? Why do you think that he has kept you both? Cakeman? Commitment phob?