He's back for all the wrong reasons

[kristybelle]

So the guy that I've posted of about a million times came up to my apartment on Friday. He returned a DVD that he had from while we were together and asked me to go for a walk with him.

 

He told me everything I've wanted to hear ever since we broke up. He said that he was so sorry that he hurt me and that he should have been with me. He said that he missed me and that he had been wanting to talk to me for a long time but that he got back together with his ex (which he admitted was a bad, bad idea) and she moved in and he didn't know what to say to me. He is not drunk, which was his usual state when we were together, and so this apology was both surprising and appreciated.

 

Then he tells me that she moved out three days ago. This should have been the moment where I said, "Thanks for the apology; I appreciate it...see you around."

 

Instead, he asked me what I was doing later and I said I had no plans, gave him my number again. WHY am I so weak?

 

So he comes over sober, which is nice, and we have a really good time. Then his friends call him to go downstairs for a minute and he comes back almost an hour later drunk and bleeding from a fight he's been in. Suddenly I'm having a flashback to our pseudo-relationship.

 

Things don't get totally horrible, he keeps telling me how much he misses me and how glad he is to be with me. Then we go to bed. He wakes up at 6am crying over his ex girlfriend.

 

Again. This is another opportunity for me to say "I'm sorry, but I can't deal with this. You need to leave." But what do I do? Hold him while he cries and tell him everything's going to be all right. Because I"M STUPID. He's very sweet after we've talked for a couple of hours and thanks me for listening. He says that I'm the only one he could ever talk to about how he was feeling and how much he appreciated that I didn't judge him.

 

This is NOT what I want. I love him very much and I always want to be there for him but I can't sit there and listen to him be upset over her. It hurts too much. And if that's what's going to happen, we can just be friends and we cannot be physical because that's just going to make me feel horrible about myself. It's just so hard for me to reject him, and I don't know why. I know what I should do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it.

[eloquent]

You know what you need to do...STOP talking to him! This is so unfair of him to do this to you. He has you right where he wants you...my ex is doing the same stuff to me. I know more than anyone how hard it is, because I'm trying to do the same thing, but you really need to force him figure out what he wants. He can't have you and his ex at the same time. Stop talking to him, and if he wants you, he needs to come begging and pleading for you back. Like the saying goes, don't make someone a priority if they are only willing to make you an option.

 

I really doubt that you can just be friends without it being physical because once you date someone you can't just go back to that as if the romantic relationship never happened. Also, being friends would mean you have to listen to more of his whining about his ex, which you already said hurts you. Cut him off COMPLETELY and see what he does. If he doesn't come back, sure, it's going to hurt when you realize that he isn't, but it will hurt much less than what he's doing to you now. And you will be able to move on with your life. If he DOES come back, and makes a good effort to show you that he has changed, then you know he's worth it.

 

Try your hardest not to be weak! If you feel like you're going to give in and contact him, come here. We're here for you!

[thecount]

ok, He comes over to give you your DVD back. Booty call! that's it. Is that what you want to be?

 

Then he goes out for an hour, gets drunk, and fights. is he 12? what the **** is that?

 

Then he sleeps with you, or stays the night. wakes up crying over his girlfriend? . LOOSER!

 

What are you thinking? I know you love him, miss him. But be angry at him. it's ok,-- be pissed at him. Who the hell does he think he is messing with you like that?

 

You don't need that moron in your life, Thats a looser. Respect yourself dear, turn your back on him. He played you for a fool. Now tell him to go scratch.

[daphne]

Kristy,

 

You already know what you're doing to yourself. What I don't understand is why you are continuing. It's not like you're getting any needs met. This guy is a class A loser.

 

Things don't get totally horrible?? He left your place to drink with his buddies nad came back bleeding from a fight? Sweetie, this is pretty jacked up stuff. Does the guy live in a trailer? Cos he acts like it.

 

At some point you're going to have to take your own side and do what's best for you. That does not include a loser that comes to your place for a booty call after dumping you for his ex, then crying on you over her. He is using you. The worst part is you are letting him.

[kristybelle]

I probably should have mentioned that I'm not having sex with him. I'm pretty much an emotional booty call instead of a physical one...that's the way it's always been with us.

 

It depends on what he says the next time he calls. If he asks me out on a date (which he's threatened to do but never has) that'll be a diff. situation than if he calls me drunk and wants to come make out.

 

I know everything I'm saying sounds horrible but I really want to give him another shot if he wants it. So if he calls me drunk again I'll tell him to piss off and I'll do NC like everyone suggests. Thank you so much for your advice.