Sadness Posted November 6, 2002 Share Posted November 6, 2002 I will make a long story short.. I was dating my ex for 2 years, we had it good, an ocassional fight here and there, always over stupid things... We both were very loyal and upfront w/ each other, so niether of us cheated or lied. We broke up about 5 months ago, and haven't spoken or seen each other since, till last week... We talked about all the things that went wrong in our relationship and laughed at how stupid our fights were, and we both agreed that it could have worked a little harder. . I have emailed her and told her my true feelings towards her, it all just came rushing out.. I told her that I miss her, that I still love her and that she is the only one for me, and that she makes me complete.. She replies, saying that she was glad we talked and that she as very happy that I emailed her.. I asked to her to call me sometime soon so we could chat, and she said she would be more than happy to.. Then I got a little jumpy and asked her if we could meet up for a drink soon, which she said she would love to, and that it would be fun.... I need an outside opinion, I am very happy for our meeting, do you think the spark can still be there between 2 people after 5 months of seperation? Do you think that b/c I laid all my feelings on the line and she still said yes to meetin up is good? I am just confused... Please help Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 6, 2002 Share Posted November 6, 2002 It's impossible to be specific to your situation because I can't know all the details of your relationship, why you broke up and what you and she are like. It sounds like you are doing the honest and best thing by beign up front with her. Based on your brief description I would take it as a good sign that she agreed to meet with you, but be prepared for disappointment anyway. She might just want to tell you in person that it's over for sure and respects you enough to do it to your face. I don't know the context or tone of voice that she used. You'll have to judge for yourself on that one. As for a separation of 5 months - well that can be good or bad. Sometimes a serious relationship needs distance if there are problems and the individuals need time to assess the problems and determine if they want to make personal changes. A couple could come back stronger than ever. Or one person might decide they like their freedom from the relationship and want to keep it that way. I know, pretty wishy-washy answer huh? I'm sorry about that, but there are no easy answers in relationships. My gut feeling (I'm an optimist by nature) based only on your post is that it's a good thing and that you may be able to create a new and stronger relationship built on the foundation of the old one. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 6, 2002 Share Posted November 6, 2002 Absolutely, the spark can be there after years...but if you don't cool your jets you'll screw things up for sure. If you come on to her like some lovesick wimp, she will be so turned off. Be a man about this and take it slow. Many woman just love to pounce all over a guy who sucks up to them. You need to work on her wanting you as much as you want her. Don't be calling her so much and have some patience about seeing her and getting back together. You have my unconditional guarantee that if you keep up what you're doing now and seeming way over eager, you will destroy Link to post Share on other sites
Sadness Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 I just wany to thank you guys for your advice.. We went out this past Friday, had a blast, had great coversation and we have decided to give it another go, just when times get tuff, we gotta work harder to fix the problem... Thx again Sadness Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 I'm glad that you two are working things out. I'd like to make a suggestion. You should each read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I know -- it's an overdone topic, but much of the information in the book is really true and helpful. Apply the guidelines to your own relationship. It (in a large part) saved my marriage simply because my husband and I read it and asked each other "Do you really feel like that?" and it helped us develop communication techniques that we consistently use. (We've been together 20+ years now) It's something that you don't need to read together - it can help YOU find out about yourself and how you handle relationships and it can be a great resource for both of you to identify past problems and make corrections so that they don't happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sadness Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 Thanks Hokey, I will look into that book asap, I am so willing to do anything to keep us together and happy, b/c I know that this can work w/ a little extra effort... Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted November 13, 2002 Share Posted November 13, 2002 required just a little extra effort. mine never usually seem to. usually it's some big amount of concessions on my part, which i am not keen on doing again. i'm kind of over the whole thing. best of luck to you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted November 13, 2002 Share Posted November 13, 2002 It's probably not that YOU have a lot of work to do. It's just that both parties have to be willing to do work, and when one won't, the other picks up the slack for a while in vain, bc when only one does work, and only one wants it and is willing to change...it will never make it. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 you are absolutely right. both parties need to work at it and want it. but after a while, when you realize that the foundation that the "relationship" was based on was built on lies and deception, no amount of work can fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
Elsie Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend left me 3 months ago- 2 1/2 months before our 2nd child was due. I 'd do anything to have him back and believe that we could be really close again if we tried. You are lucky that your ex has agreed to meet you but play it a little cooler! I know how hard it is to hold back telling someone you love so much how you feel but my ex says that by doing this i'm pushing him into doing something he doesnt feel ready to do yet. Let me know how you get on. I'd love to hear of you two getting back together coz if you feel about her like i feel about my ex then you'll be very happy. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Sadness... Posted December 27, 2002 Share Posted December 27, 2002 My girl and I have been back together since our first date in the beg. of Nov... We have had alot to work through and still are in the process of building up our bond again, thanks for all your help Loveshack. Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Sadness Im happy for you both, may many good things come to you both in your adventure back to one another. Best Wishes:) Link to post Share on other sites
sadness Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Originally posted by pit Sadness Im happy for you both, may many good things come to you both in your adventure back to one another. Best Wishes:) I spoke too soon, we just broke up over the weekend, no chance of getting past some old problems. Crap! Oh well, we are happier not dating each other, but at least we have closure Link to post Share on other sites
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