Does anyone have a success story?

[Am4Real]

We read so much about the warnings, pitfalls and horror stories of rekindling with an EX. Does anyone have a success story where the return of the EX or return to the EX is the best thing that ever happened to them?

[thecount]

hahahahahhahaha now that's funny --

 

I sure there are, I just never heard of any. 2nd chances lead to 3rd then 4th -- and on and on...

[resi71]

i had second chance,but she break up with me again,i hope 3rd one to get ,i did not do anything wrong.

[RecordProducer]

I know (not personally) people who had got divorced and re-married later.

[Am4Real]

I know (not personally) people who had got divorced and re-married later.

 

That almost counts as “one” RP {{{smiles}}}

 

Seriously though, it's hard to come by any sucess stories and not sure if they all go unnoticed or once rekindled they go about their new life without looking for space to tell everyone about it. Surely, there has to be cases out there somewhere? Hmmmmm…..

[RecordProducer]

That almost counts as “one” RP {{{smiles}}}

 

Seriously though, it's hard to come by any sucess stories and not sure if they all go unnoticed or once rekindled they go about their new life without looking for space to tell everyone about it. Surely, there has to be cases out there somewhere? Hmmmmm…..

Statistics don't make your life's success. Even if none has succeeded, it doesn't mean your won't. And especially, if there is some happy-ending cae out there, it doesn't mean you have better chances for success.

[Am4Real]

Statistics don't make your life's success. Even if none has succeeded, it doesn't mean your won't. And especially, if there is some happy-ending cae out there, it doesn't mean you have better chances for success.

 

No argument from me.

 

This is a great quote from "UNDERPANTS" in another series of threads worth consideration by anyone wondering how to get on with life...this quote is in reference to taking some action to move on aftrer realizing what a mistake has been made in letting someone go and then having regrets. This to me is the realities of any consideration for getting back with an EX and probably what the majority of persons out there go through.

 

"Once finding someone who you click with in a healthy way, a reminder, to hold on, work on and be there fully. Now if you choose this option, of course Murphy's Law may reintroduce said painful ex into the picture wanting you back. Then you will be faced with a possibly painful choice. Hopefully, by then you can always look at this ex as a learning experience to be applied to the person you decide to commit to. Thank her for the interest/closure whatever, and move on with the best intentions and follow thru to the new girl. Hopfully by then you can make the most productive choice for your future, even if a little painful."

[Kamille]

I don't know all the details, but one of my friend's twin sister broke up with her boyfriend in her mid-twenties, they got back together a year later, got married and just recently had a kid and everything is going great. But I don't know what broke them up. My friend did report that they were always incredibly respectful of each other during the break up. What I got is that they went LC, each went about their lives and eventually came to the realization that they had made a mistake... But that's the only story I've got. Out of all the relationships of all my friends.

[Starlight Starbright]

I think that the best method for getting a second chance is what Kamile posted above. Being very respectful to each other during the breakup and remaining very LC. I have seen couples that had long, messy break ups because they didn't stop contact right away. By the end of it, they were both so fed up with the whole process that they had ruined any chances of ever reconciling, even though they still had feelings for each other. Also, I believe that couples that try to remain "friends" after the break up have less of a chance of getting back together. The dynamic that they once had changes forever. Plus, they don't get a chance to really picture their lives without the other person in it. Thoughts anyone?

[Great Gazoo]

I think that the best method for getting a second chance is what Kamile posted above. Being very respectful to each other during the breakup and remaining very LC. I have seen couples that had long, messy break ups because they didn't stop contact right away. By the end of it, they were both so fed up with the whole process that they had ruined any chances of ever reconciling, even though they still had feelings for each other. Also, I believe that couples that try to remain "friends" after the break up have less of a chance of getting back together. The dynamic that they once had changes forever. Plus, they don't get a chance to really picture their lives without the other person in it. Thoughts anyone?

 

I think there is alot of truth to this. I know of 2 couple that divorced and a couple years later got back together. They always stayed in good relations with each other. The divorce was fast and easy, neither trying to screw the other over. One couple had children and they took the responsibilities very seriously and shared everything related to the children even after the divorce.

[Just2Cute1972]

Hi..i posted on here sporadically over a 4 month span regarding my break up. We got back together 1 1/2 months ago after being broken up for almost five months and we were together for five years. I tried NC with him but it would never work because he would ALWAYS find some way to contact me. He got another gf like a week after he left, got her pregnant and everything else. She ultimately did miscarry within a few weeks and then after that he broke up with her. She was a rebound and thruout the long drawn out five months we were broken up, you could tell he was 100 percent confused with what he wanted to do. It wasnt until i started dating other guys that he finally sat me down and we talked for the first time in i dont even know how long about EVERYTHING. His fears, my fears, his concerns, my concerns, i found out so many things during that talk that i never had a clue about. He was the one that initiated the break up, but we were both at fault. We are going to be getting married soon and from this break up we have both changed a LOT. Weve both learned a lot of hard lessons and have faced up to reality on things that we would try to sweep under the rug. Communication was our biggest issue. This experience has changed us both a great deal. As far as the past goes, its just that..the past and thats where we are leaving it. So, yeah i think we are a success story. We show each other that we love one another EVERY DAY. A relationship is work and we were the type to just sit by and think everything would work itself out, wrong. You have to work at it and make it work..as we have learned.

[Am4Real]

We are going to be getting married soon and from this break up we have both changed a LOT. Weve both learned a lot of hard lessons and have faced up to reality on things that we would try to sweep under the rug. Communication was our biggest issue. This experience has changed us both a great deal. As far as the past goes, its just that..the past and thats where we are leaving it. So, yeah i think we are a success story. We show each other that we love one another EVERY DAY.

 

[highlight]FINALLY![/highlight] Credible testament of a “get back together” story. I guess it is possible after all.

 

Am4Real

[Yernasia Quorelios]

This is about semi-success stories and hope for a success story.

 

In the course of my life I've been dumped several times in the "i never want to see you again" sort of way. This of course has meant NC after the emotional trauma was over. Each time, without exception, within 6 months I was contacted to "get back together for a fresh start". Each time my protective barriers had gone up and I said "no" but now wonder what might have been.

 

I'm in a similar situation now with my wife who dumped me on an AC (Appropriate Contact) basis. I'm moving on but this time my protective barriers are staying down to allow her to initiate a fresh start if she so decides. I hope to post a success story here sooner or later.

[Am4Real]

This is about semi-success stories and hope for a success story.

 

In the course of my life I've been dumped several times in the "i never want to see you again" sort of way. This of course has meant NC after the emotional trauma was over. Each time, without exception, within 6 months I was contacted to "get back together for a fresh start". Each time my protective barriers had gone up and I said "no" but now wonder what might have been.

 

I'm in a similar situation now with my wife who dumped me on an AC (Appropriate Contact) basis. I'm moving on but this time my protective barriers are staying down to allow her to initiate a fresh start if she so decides. I hope to post a success story here sooner or later.

 

Hello Yernasia,

 

I’m sorry to her about your situation and hope for the best in your recovery and healing. I’ve written about ‘hoping’ and ‘expectations’ several times before when it comes to reconciliation; I believe it is okay to hope that one day your EX might contact you and when that happens you can decide if its wanted or not, however it is never healthy to be expectant of such an occurrence even though past breakups have seen the dumper initiate contact with you (you mentioned within six months). I suppose if your hope is alive but not your expectations then you are in great shape!

 

I have wishes for you that your “hopes” come about the way you want and dream of.

 

All the best,

Am4Real

 

[blind_otter]

We read so much about the warnings, pitfalls and horror stories of rekindling with an EX. Does anyone have a success story where the return of the EX or return to the EX is the best thing that ever happened to them?

 

Well. I don't talk about this much but here goes.

 

I met my current boyfriend while I was involved with someone else in a long distance relationship. We had a fling, and both developed feelings, but as soon as I started falling for him I broke it off.

 

I proceeded to get engaged to my LDR boyfriend, even though he knew I had been unfaithful. We simply didn't talk about it. But the engagement was very brief, only 2 months, and my LDR boyfriend ended up going back to his home in Scotland.

 

After that I ended up calling my current boyfriend, just to hang out with him. Be near him. He was still single. He rebuffed me initially, but I was persistent. We ended up getting back together and have been together now for over a year. The relationship just keeps getting better and stronger, from such a shakey foundation.

[Guest]

I could sure use some success stories to read as well. Thanks to those who posted.

 

My thought is this: The people who got back together and made it work are busy just being together instead of posting online. I NEED to believe that.

[Yernasia Quorelios]

Hello Yernasia,

 

I’m sorry to her about your situation and hope for the best in your recovery and healing. I’ve written about ‘hoping’ and ‘expectations’ several times before when it comes to reconciliation; I believe it is okay to hope that one day your EX might contact you and when that happens you can decide if its wanted or not, however it is never healthy to be expectant of such an occurrence even though past breakups have seen the dumper initiate contact with you (you mentioned within six months). I suppose if your hope is alive but not your expectations then you are in great shape!

 

I have wishes for you that your “hopes” come about the way you want and dream of.

 

All the best,

Am4Real

 

Hi Am4Real

 

Thank you for your kind, supportive words and good wishes. I am fortunate enough to have passed the expectation stage of healing and recovery and it's taking a huge effort on my part to prevent my protective barriers from going up! I owe it to the love I share with my wife to remain open to an approach from her however long it might take (and it may be never:D). I've now moved on and am building a life as a single person with a long term view to settling down and raising a family whether with my wife or someone new - oh what fun to be re-engaging in the dating game .

[Art_Critic]

The only success story I have is the Ex GF I tried so hard to get back never spoke to me ever again..

 

I call that a success.. She wasn't a good person for me, she didn't deserve me and because I never got a second chance with her I met the GF I have now.. who is the cat's meow..

 

That is what I call being saved from a second chance.. whew !!!!

or better yet it was a second chance at love..

[Art_Critic]

I know (not personally) people who had got divorced and re-married later.

 

My brother divorced his second wife after 1.5 years and then after a 1 year break remarried her and they have been married almost 11 years now.. they have 2 wonderful twins a boy and girl..

 

It does happen... happiness is to be found anyplace where 2 people come together and if they work at making it work.

[Yernasia Quorelios]

....I have moved on and hugely reduced the already LC (Limited Contact) I had with my ESW (Estranged Wife). She re-initiated contact and has been a tiny bit more contact hungry since. I think that she is going through a re-union process.

 

This re-union process is dealt with in an article by Grace Gabe in Psychology Today. While this is concerned with a 30 year interval before a reunion, I believe the basic principles apply in any situation involving true love and breakups.

 

I have extracted a qoute below and added my own comments in brackets.

 

"#2. There are stages of reunion.

 

 

Periods of moving very close alternate with periods of needing some emotional distance from an old love. (IMHO the longer the interval, the longer the period required. e.g a 6 month break may require a period of 1 week, a 30 year break a much longer period) The intense closeness following the "miracle" of finding each other again will normally require breaks during which a move apart must occur (see comment above). This is a predictable and necessary part of the process. Your old sweetheart may wait longer than you want between communications or might cancel a date because the reconnecting may be too much too soon. Don't personalize the need for periods of separation along the way as being a rejection of you. Let your old love know it doesn't mean you are rejecting him or her either.

 

 

What's more, past loss, whatever the cause, is often not worked through emotionally. Unanticipated anger or sadness from the loss of the old romance may suddenly interrupt a pleasurable moment, leading to self-doubt and "Am I crazy?" thoughts. Along with the pleasure of being loved by the former rejecter, reunions activate resentment. The rejecter may become fearful of retaliation for the damage done. It can be a tumultuous time of unexpected swings between joy and anger.

 

 

If you need to slow down the reuniting process because of overwhelming feelings that things are moving too rapidly, write letters as a substitute for visits. This is a form of communication that is thoughtful and not impulsive -- a reflective process, and it is positive. If you know yourself to be very impulsive, write your thoughts in your own private diary first and wait for a few days before you communicate."

 

 

Grace Gabe - Psychology Today

[princessa]

What's more, past loss, whatever the cause, is often not worked through emotionally. Unanticipated anger or sadness from the loss of the old romance may suddenly interrupt a pleasurable moment, leading to self-doubt and "Am I crazy?" thoughts. Along with the pleasure of being loved by the former rejecter, reunions activate resentment. The rejecter may become fearful of retaliation for the damage done. It can be a tumultuous time of unexpected swings between joy and anger.

 

I don't undestand how people are able to reunite once the bridges have been burned and both parts have made final decisions to move on. How can you be able to get back together who 1. has put you through such loss 2. has abandoned you and 3. has removed themselves from important future events in your life?? Wouldn't this combination just want you to keep walking if you ever see them on the street?

 

I'm sorry I just realized there's 10 pages to this article and i haven't read it yet..

[Guest]

i got a success story to share. my bosses son was in a relationship with a girl and was gonna propose i think she was actually his fiance well she got cold feet for whatever reason and broke it off he left for a faraway school and began dated a girl for two years but at the end of it had to break it off because they lived far apart and were both moving back home.

 

when he did move back home he met the ex fiance at church again and they started dating again i think for close to two years but for some reason the girl from the university texted him and he flew out to visit her and they rekindled what they had and he decided that this was the girl that was more suitable for him and he broke it off with the ex fiance and married this girl and moved to illinois to be with her while she finished her masters then they moved to colorado and are still happily married.

 

i think this story gives me a glimmer of hope but that can also be a bad thing to be someones backburner and when it comes back around u decide to accept them back can u do it regardless of the hurt they put u thru.?

[Yernasia Quorelios]

I don't undestand how people are able to reunite once the bridges have been burned and both parts have made final decisions to move on. How can you be able to get back together who 1. has put you through such loss 2. has abandoned you and 3. has removed themselves from important future events in your life?? Wouldn't this combination just want you to keep walking if you ever see them on the street?

I think the two basic principles here are "time healing all wounds" and "loving enough to forgive". Also people change their minds over "final decisions" all the time, after all a person's decision to break up overturns their "final decision" to spend the rest of of their life with their soon to be EX . Another principle worth bearing in mind is "the only constant is change".

[insomnie]

I've got a success story (so far...)

 

BF and I were together 2.5 years when he broke it off. We had a lot of little issues going on, no big stuff like cheating etc though. Basically, the relationship was getting to be a chore - neither of us was happy.

 

I was devastated, hurt, angry, the whole package... but I made an honest effort at NC. Of course every couple of weeks I'd fail and find a way to let him contact me (by logging online, for example)...and so it was really LC that we ended up having for a couple of months.

 

At the end of that time, I went home for a few weeks to visit my parents... and stopped all contact. He tried getting ahold of me a few times. Sometimes I answered, sometimes I didn't It was becoming increasingly easy to avoid contact with him....but at the same time, I was starting to realize just how much I loved him. I also started to believe in a second chance.

 

He showed up at my apartment the day after I got home, asking me if I wanted to hang out for a while. We acted as just friends at first but by the end up the day ended up making love and subsequently spending a week together. It felt so right. We both felt it.

 

Then...I got pregnant and we had to deal with all the drama that ensues when you are 20, broke, with child, and unable to settle on a decision. It was a trying time but in the end we emerged stronger. He says it made him realize some things about himself, and he figured out that he wanted me to be his number-one priority.

 

It's three months later and both of us still seem to be in the honeymoon phase, only this one seems more solid than our first one =). We've conntected on a new bunch of topics that we didn't even used to talk about...it's felt like 3 solid months of discovery and rediscovery... and every new thing I find out makes me more and more sure that he's the right person for me. He's finally talking about the future with me, and he always tells me how lucky he feels to have found me.

 

My advice to all those of you that are waiting...let the time flow. Sometimes people need space to to come to certain realizations...let the time flow. And, try to be respectful of each other during the breakup...it makes it easier to pick up the pieces if they aren't entirely shattered.

[Yernasia Quorelios]

My ESW has begun initiating contact although she always ensures that she has something regarding the separation to throw in to the conversation. Although I try to keep the conversation to the separation issue that she invariably raises she always tells me a little about what she's been doing lately and asks what I've been up to.

 

Curiousity or the next stage of a re-union process (see my earlier post for more on the re-union process)? Only time will tell, watch this space .