Quest Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 This is a non-post. Somehow I posted my previous message twice and can't delete it! Apologies! Link to post Share on other sites
passionpeach Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Well, I guess I have my own success story to tell. My boyfriend and I had problems in the past year to the point that we decided to part ways. We broke up and I was devastated for months. I set my mind in a state where I decided not to sulk on whatever happened and pushed to move on with my life... as life goes on anyway. After some months that we are not together he ended up realizing my worth and decided to come back to me. I knew I still love him but I bluntly told him that it is hard to gain back the trust I lost. Now he strives to gain me back. I am still not letting my guard down as I want to really see if this is for real or not. Sometimes you really have to use your mind above your heart. Now I don't cry anymore. I am happy.. Finally. Link to post Share on other sites
ahah2322 Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 hey passion, i hope all goes well for you In short, my advice, learned the hard way, is look after yourself, expect respect, be respectful and then just let it go. What happens after that is really outside your control ... which means in the meantime you can relax and appreciate what you do have. i think this was very well said. the dumpee should preserved all his/her dignity and love himself/herself enough to not get manipulated or try to manipulate the dumper to get back together. if there's going to be any form of manipulation/goading et cetera, it should be on the part of the regretful dumper. am not condoning manipulation but you get what i mean... any endeavours to get back together should be made by the dumper. life is short and we should all strive to be happy. the onus is on ourself to do so. only when we love ourself will others grow to love us. Link to post Share on other sites
vanButterfly Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Hmm... I had 2 cases where: 1. Opportunity to get back with an ex because he still loved me 2. Got back with my ex and we improved on the relationship. It's tricky. It's really about what you want and where you are in life and what you realise or have learnt. Teacher comes when the student is ready kind of thing. My boyfriend and I were case 2 above, and we work hard to make it work.. I always wonder if this is a good thing or not and how long it will last. We both make sacrifices for each other to be together. I cant explain why logically completely, apart from we want to be together and we try hard to do it. My auntie and uncle were apart for many years, and they finally married each other. There are lots of cases where you can be together again, just is the queston if it works, and what happened to both of you while you were apart. You can both realise and learn that you two are more suited AND finally appreciate each other. When you appreciate each other, you can start to accept the small things that you dont like and dont really matter. It's enough to know that: - yes it can happen - but are you both on the same page. - you have to respect each other while apart - stay in contact Though saying that, I didnt want to stay in contact with case 1, and recently after some years, I discovered that he still loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am4Real Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Hmm... I had 2 cases where: 1. Opportunity to get back with an ex because he still loved me 2. Got back with my ex and we improved on the relationship. Though saying that, I didnt want to stay in contact with case 1, and recently after some years, I discovered that he still loves me. I'm a little lost, what is your point? Link to post Share on other sites
passionpeach Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 My boyfriend and I had a lot of ups and downs. We got engaged last year but then after five months he started going out with his ex and had another fling at the same time. I was totally devastated and ended up giving up on him. It was when I turned my back on him that I realized my worth. I just found out from his ex that he stopped going out with her already and also dumped the other girl who he had as a fling. He started looking for a job and landed one. Now we are back together and happy once again. Link to post Share on other sites
Quest Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 "It's enough to know that: - yes it can happen - but are you both on the same page. - you have to respect each other while apart - stay in contact" Still think contact is only a good idea if it is initiated by the dumper and has a clear purpose - either communicating something practical like organising the exchange of stuff or suggesting reconciliation. If the dumper phones wanting to 'keep touch' or 'wondering how you (the dumpee) are', you (the dumpee) run the risk of being strung along, reading more into the situation than there actually is and not moving on with your life! Maybe it's different in the case of a mutual split but in my experience there is usually a dumper and a dumpee and vulnerable dumpees owe it to themselves to be very careful before involving themselves (even minimally) with their dumpers again. Only a very clear and determined campaign for reconciliation on the part of the dumper will do! How else can the dumpee even begin to trust their dumper again? If a dumper wants their dumpee back again strongly enough he/she will make a big effort and say so - and if their regrets are sincere enough an absence of contact won't put them off, maybe the reverse. We all deserve someone who really, really wants and appreciates us and unless we feel that this is the case with a partner/potential partner/ex partner then why are we with/considering being with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am4Real Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 If a dumper wants their dumpee back again strongly enough he/she will make a big effort and say so - and if their regrets are sincere enough an absence of contact won't put them off, maybe the reverse. Not sure I understand this statement regarding "regrets", I can read it two different ways. We all deserve someone who really, really wants and appreciates us and unless we feel that this is the case with a partner/potential partner/ex partner then why are we with/considering being with them? Exactly! Link to post Share on other sites
Quest Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Sorry Am4Real - I meant regrets at ending the relationship/losing the dumpee. Just think the dumper has to sincerely regret ending the relationship, and articulate that loudly and clearly, before dumpees even considering jumping back in there again. Link to post Share on other sites
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