She loves me but cheated...

[Salicious Crumb]

Sorry bud...if she cheated on you, then she doesn't love you...

 

Think about it...she is full of all this love for you, then turns around and hops in bed with another guy?

 

Could you see yourself saying, "I love her, but I think I want to nail this other girl"??

[Bryanp]

I am sorry Ryan but she is willing to have you break up with her because she wants you to accept that screwing one of her friends "just happened". She clearly refuses to accept responsibility for her actions and is demanding that you accept this humiliation without telling you the real reason. If you were that important to her she would be totally honest with you. Things don't "just happen". I also think it is pretty lousy that she has a consistent pattern of going out and getting drunk with her male friends. It says a great deal about her and how she views your relationship. If you accept that having sex with someone just happens then why would not in the future would she not have sex with someone else because it "just happened"? If you accept her unwillingness to tell you the truth then you are very very foolish.

[norajane]

If it "just happened" for no reason, then what reassurance do you have that it won't Just Happen again...and again...and again...and again...?

[mrmaximum]

Sorry Ryan, the writings on the wall. So she didn't have a reason, not one that would make her sound innocent anyway. She value's your relationship so little that she's willing to lose it for something so stupid. Okay, I know that you are hurting, I can tell you honestly that I've been there done that. She isn't remorseful, all those things that you said to her are most likely true!! You need to get rid of this woman who isn't at least willing to sit down with you and sort out the real reason why she cheated. Affairs don't 'just happen' How do you do that? How do you just have sex with someone? Do you trip on the sidewalk and your clothes just spontaneously[FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT]fall off as your falling and then a man or woman who is undergoing the same horrible circumstances just happen to fall underneath you and then WHAP!! They just HAPPEN to fall JUST RIGHT so that....you get the idea. Bull feathers is what that is and that's what she's feeding you. Do yourself a favor, drop her like she is so willing to drop you. In fact that could be what she's doing trying to drop you because she is too chicken to dump you. Anythings possible now, yeah. Either way, you dont need her!! I wish you good luck with this.

[samsungxoxo]

It is a possibility that you can cheat and still have emotions for your SO, but it would be another type of love, not the unconditional love, nurturing type.

[peanutbutter2]

I have been there, and there is a good chance that she is not lying when she says she doesnt know why she did it. If your relationship has always been strong and loving - keep talking through it. Take this as a sign something might be wrong, or that there is an underlying problem between the two of you that you may not have noticed because you are so stable and used to one another. I'm not saying cheating is ok or shoudl be quickly excused - not at all. In fact in most cases I would agree that it means more problems are on the way. BUT- you said how sorry she seemed, that youve been a good couple, and that she had always been honest and is in love with you. For these reasons, try to work on it (that is if you still feel strongly about her).

[brightskies]

Ryan,

 

She's taking the easy out and saying that you may as well break up since she "has no real reason for cheating" because she's refusing to face what she has done. It's probably hard for her to admit that she's seriously flawed and really hurt you.

 

As for "It just happened," that's total bs. She had probably been attracted to him for a long time. I have been high and dead drunk before, and believe me, you STILL know what you are doing. Alcohol is no excuse. She was weak and didn't respect you enough and took the opportunity. And if she has control issues, then she shouldn't be drinking that much around other guys to begin with.

 

She may still care for you and was apologetic, but none of that erases the selfishness of her betrayal. My first instinct is to say let her go, the pain and ensuing mistrust isn't worth your energy. But if you still care and she still cares, 4 years is a lot to just throw away, and it's natural for you to hold some hope of repairing the relationship.

 

In the meantime, however, you need to spend some time apart to give yourself some time to heal. Not necessarily break up, but definitely a temporary time-out -- a few weeks, a few months --- whatever YOU need. Lay down the rules beforehand so there are no surprises. If she manages to behave herself in the interim and YOU are finally ready to give her a 2nd chance, the onus is on her to prove that she can be trusted; she needs to earn your love all over again. IF she does it again, absolutely no third chances.

 

 

Response to the "get her drunk" I have already done that she likes getting drunk and having sex, which I guess can explain part of it, also that same night she ripped off her clothes and asked me to have sex with her, I told her no.

 

She has done that to me plenty of times, told me no or shes not in the mood, so I decided to return the favor; I get screwed over for not giving her sex, that doesn't give her permission to go and F some other guy. I have already made her feel the pain that I was feeling by putting her down and making her feel like a whore. The only thing that still eats me up is not knowing her motive, I asked her to tell me why so that I could move on with this, and maybe she could tell me why she did it or maybe I was doing something wrong. any suggestions on helping me get her motive out, I had told her not to long ago that if she couldn't give me a reason for why she did it then she didn't deserve to be with me, her reponse was, "well I guess we can't be together because I dont have a reason for doing it, it just happened."