Do I expose his lies and abuse?

[joannewww]

I am 17 weeks pregnant & had left the father (who I'll call J) b4 finding out I was pregnant, owing to his abuse.

 

I got in touch with him when I found out I was carrying his child and was even foolish enought to give him the benefit of the doubt as he seemed over the moon about the pregnancy and promised to sort his life out.

 

However, these were empty words and he became more verbally abusive, flying off the handle over "nothing" in my mind (eg I said to my (male) friend that J was painting my bathroom for me (as I'm preparing to move into a larger home) & he flew into a rage saying I was discussing our relationship with people & that it wasn't on. He then left the house with the painting abandoned).

 

I told him he was being completely unreasonable and that I wanted NO further contact from him.

 

A week later I get a call from his brother to check how I am. I say I'm well and that I will not stop J being a father to his child if he assumes some financial/emotional responsibility. However, if he thinks my having his baby is a spectator sport then he should walk and not look back.

 

Another week later I start getting calls from J and his grandmother, asking me to contact him, it's important.

 

I eventually relent and return his grandmothers call but J answers the phone. Says he;s on the run from the police as they've raided his house & as he;s on licence they will remand him for having a knife on top of his wardrobe.

 

I tell him that I want no part of it & he trys to arrange a meeting with me to give me some money for the baby. I say he is emotionally abusing me into meeting with him & that if he really wants to support me he will put the money into my bank account. I text him the bank details & lo and behold, no money is deposited!!

 

However, he has managed to get into my head now so I ring him to find out whether he handed himself in etc. We chat, he switches on me again & starts calling me names and hanging up the phone on me for again, no apparent reason.

 

I have an injunction against this man & although I want to, I am scared to enforce it as when we were getting on better I let slip where my new address would be. So, if I enforce it & he's on licence, he's likely to go to jail. I'm worried he;ll come after me when he gets out.

 

I rang his nana after this last tirade of abuse to say that if he asked her or any family member to contact me I would HAVE to ENFORCE the injunction, although if she or the family wanted to contact me off their own backs to check on the pregnancy, this was ok.

 

Whilst I was talking with his nana I revealed how J has told EVERYBODY in his life that his father was in jail for shooting a policeman. That J had witnessed it and that this was the reason for a lot of his issues. Turns out, his dad lives just a few miles away & actually walked out on the family.

 

I'd given this guy the benefit of the doubt quite a lot on the basis of this sob story and am appalled that he could live such a lie. I just want to scream it from the rooftops so EVERYONE around him knows!

 

I know that I should just shrink into the background and get on with things - but I don't know whether to expose his lies and also whether to enforce the injunction.

 

I've done nothing wrong and am just finding this all such a strain on me and bump - I'm smoking more now than before the pregnancy, am tempted to drink and just feel completely preoccupied with this situation, scouring the web for every site on abuse and violence, looking for the answers... instead of enjoying my pregnancy.

[CardPlay3r]

Absolutely enforce the injuction and expose his lies...abusers don't change - not like that anyway. He is doing the classic moves of being the nicest guy in the world then switching to being super mean, don't let him mess with your head.

 

Here's a link that explains some psychology behind it http://www.drjoecarver.com/loser.html

 

On another note.... WHAT are you doing heavily smoking during pregnancy??? Don't you know this can really hurt your child?

[MoonGirl]

Listen to CardPlay3r. This guy is BAD news. It takes strength to get away from an abuser. You left him before, now leave him for good. Think of your unborn baby. Do you want this guy influencing his or her life? Would you want your kid to grow up to be just like this guy? If your answers are "no" then you know what you need to do.