Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 ...(1) all the reasons you shouldn't remain friends with an ex after the breakup, and (2) why you shouldn't ever get back together with an ex after a temultuous relationship and breakup. Reasons NOT TO only please. Just need the reminders. Reminders regarding what to take away from a failed relationship would also be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Hi SG... Tough one. I'm not even sure how i feel about either (not getting back with an ex or not being friends with an ex) because in the end I believe every relationship is unique. But, here is what I could come up with: 1) Reasons not to be friends: don't be friends if it keeps you from moving on. Or for me, I know I'm not ready to be friends when I analyse our interactions to see 'how they went', which usually means I'm not over the guy. 2) Reasons not to go back with an ex: I had messy break ups with two of my exes where we ended up trying a second time... Both times, the reunion was great, a lot of promises were made, but the underlying issues that broke us up were lying just under the surface and eventually broke us up again. But you know what - I don't really regret those second chances... i guess i needed to know it wasn't meant to work out. So now, tell us - what's going on? Who's back in the picture? Are you considering it? (It would be easier for us to talk you out of it if we knew specifically what was up). That is, if being talked out of it is really what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 People don't change their fundamentals. Whoever they were when you were together before, is who they'll be if you're together again - good, bad, and indifferent. Tumultuous relationships are usually full of passion, and that makes them highly compelling. However, the passion has a flipside, a dark side, the side that split you apart. If the passion is still there between you, so is the dark side. As for remaining friends...most people can't because one or the other of the ex couple still wants the other...so it's not really an easy friendship. You always end up reading too much into what the other says or does, you wonder what they're thinking, and they break your heart when they start dating someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 (1) all the reasons you shouldn't remain friends with an ex after the breakup, a. They will never miss you. (if you ever wanted to reconcile) b. They will keep you on a string. c. They won't respect you d. You won't be able to meet someone new while you are still attached to someone old. f. It's impossible to heal and move on when you are in love with a friend. (2) why you shouldn't ever get back together with an ex after a temultuous relationship and breakup. a. Because there is someone out there who will love you the way you love them. What better reason do you need than that? Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Even if the relationship was not tumultuous, and the rug was somehow pulled from beneath your feet and only the breakup was painful, do you really want to be with somebody who hurt you and caused confusion? When people are in love, they find a way to be committed yet balance the other areas of their lives. Everyone deserves that within a romantic relationship. That is the biggest reason I would never take back an ex. There are situations, such as moving away for a career, and them coming back that might be acceptable. But for any other reason...I want someone who loves me the way I love them, and if they doubt their love to the extent they had to break up the relationship, then I acknowledge I deserve greater love than they could offer me. This does not exclude reconciliation, it just means there should be significant time and change before it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 IMO you can never just be friends with an ex. Once you have gone up so far on that ladder of affection/love, I don't see how you can just look at that person as a friend and nothing else. This is preventing you from moving on and any current/new relationships you have will suffer greatly while you try to maintain your friendship with an ex. It just about destroyed my marriage on what my wife was trying to do. It tainted alot of tihngs as well since her trying to be friends with an ex made me feel like I wasn't wanted. Best thing you can do is stop all contact with your ex. As long as you have contact he'll keep his foot in the door to your life. It's upto you whether you want to continue to play this soap-opera. However in the end nothing good will come out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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