Sardini Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 It will be hard to sum up a situation that has taken 28 years to develop. I will start by saying that my mother and I are incredibly close. We have an indescribable bond and also dependence on one another. I think both of our biggest fear in life is losing eachother. She and my father seperated when I was 2 (they were never married). She married my step-father soon after, who turned out to be a lunatic. It was good because he provided for us and gave us a house and life we would have never had on our own. The bad part was his immature, uncontrollable temper. I grew up with the his very intense, violent tantrums. Often times he would hit or throw something or just maniacally yell for the smallest thing. My mother was the same way. I remember an instance when a chair was thrown at me for a missing hairbrush when I was around 9. Needless to say, growing up in this environment made me less than stable. My mother became more and more controlling as I grew older. A lot of the time I wasn't allowed to go to the mall or movies or other events with my friends. I couldn't sleep over someone's house unless she spoke to their parents. All of this was reasonable I suppose in hindsight, but the restrictions became harsher and harsher as I grew older. She approved of NOTHING, so I often lied. She was always so worried, if I went out, I 'd have to check in every hour or so. It was beyone concern, it was an obsession. In my adult life this has continued. Not only am I scarred from the abuse of her and my step-father, but I feel like I've been held back. She does not encourage me. If it were up to my mother I would be living at home (which I had to do for a year when I was 26 after a bad breakup), under my bed with the door locked. She discourages me from anything I want to do. For instance while I was away at college she used to encourage me to drop out and come home. If I called and told her I won the lottery, she would probably find a way to turn that into something bad. She has made me an insecure mess. I can't handle day-to-day situations because she's made me a crazy person like she is. I am going on a business trip to Wisconsin, and she screamed at me on the phone that I'm too stupid to travel by myself and figure out the airport, and that I'll kill myself in the car they rented me. She actually threatened to call my boss and tell him I'm not allowed to go....and I'm 28 years old!!!! If I don't abide by her I fear the consequences. I mean, I've become so much like her, I know what it's like to go insane with worry and fear. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 She is toxic, you need to get away from her! Link to post Share on other sites
strange Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 well i'd just like to say you're not alone, with having a crazy controlling mother... when i started reading you post i went "wow! this is me!" my parents divorced when i was 2 or 3 yrs old... but i never had a step father... my mother constantly makes it so that i can't live with out her help... i'm not even allowed to walk across the street alone!(ps. i'm 21 tomorrow) and when something goes wrong, its my fault... i force to live at home, not just live at home but force to pay 650 in rent... when i want to succeed in something and she decides its not good enough, she talks me down... talks me out of it... the only way i see that i can get away is too move a thousand miles away... proably won't happen for a while but if your that far away then she can't say a whole lot, i think... then again i haven't tried yet... i too have a close relationship with my mom, but it way too close! like i said you're not alone... Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Hey strange, she can't force you to do anything unless you allow her to force you. If you afford to pay her 650$ for rent (some way to love your child, demand they pay out to live at home) you can afford to move wherever you want to and live on your own or with roommate(s) Link to post Share on other sites
coco_milkshake Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Hey Sardini, I also have a controlling mother and I know exactly how you feel - its not fun. My mother constantly drills the fear of God into my head and always makes me swear to God over the most stupidest things like if she asks me if im studying and she is in the room, I am sitting there with my notes and textbooks and she is looking right at me, she will make me swear to God that I am. She has never let me go out with friends, let me wear the clothes I want, let me have my own hairstyle etc and its got worse since I had a bf and that is against our culture. Please try and get away from your mother, I am trying to do the same and I am taking small steps such as getting counselling and making arrangements to leave. Strange - I am 21 too yet I get treated like a 2 year old. The most stupidest thing mum has said to me is not to give anyone my pin number after I got my debit card and I just couldnt believe my ears when she said that. I was 20 years old at the time. Please both of you try and get out - like I said Im still in the process of it but I know the three of us can do this together. They have lived their lives and it is wrong of them to rule ours too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 I have a controlling mother, too. I'm the only one of her kids who hasn't moved over a thousand miles away to get away from her. Anyway, I guess you and your mom probably have a codependent relationship. Maybe you should check in your area for a support group who can help. If nothing else, you might be able to be around other poor souls like yourself. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Tezza115 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Wow, that is a severe form of Emotional Abuse, it seems to me that she is trying to control you emotionally. Both of you need professional help to heal from this. Link to post Share on other sites
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