Having trouble figuring out what this all means

[Jons511]

Hi all,

 

Let me start from the beginning. My fiance broke up with me a month ago today. We were together since August of 2005, and got engaged last summer. Our relationship was far from perfect and I wasnt exactly the best boyfriend/fiance to her. I never cheated on her or anything, but I wasnt as nice as I should have been.

 

Like the saying goes, you dont know what you got til its gone, now I miss her like you wouldnt believe. I am using our breakup as a reason for me to change. I am talking to a counsellor about my behavior, and I am really trying to change the way I am, not just for her, but for me.

 

So I told her I want her back. I let her know that I am not trying to change, but that I AM changing and actions speak louder than words, as she will see. She said is dating this new guy, about which I told her I am happy for her, and I ask her how they are doing all the time. She told me that if I want her back the best answer she should give me is to wait and see what happens between her and this new guy.

 

My question is why does she still call me all the time? She calls me just about every day, usually its after she talks to him. Does she still have feelings for me? Am I doing the right thing just playing the "laid back friend who is happy for her no matter what", or should I be more aggressive in trying to win her back? I am so confused.

 

Please help.

[norajane]

She is still calling you because you have been a part of her life for a long time, and she relies on you. She probably also likes knowing that she has you as a back-up in case new guy doesn't work out.

 

IMO, new guy is a rebound and won't last long. However, I don't think you should be talking to her every day. You aren't together any more, and it's not doing you any good to talk to her.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't talk to her at all. Tell her you're happy for her and her new guy (if you are), but that it hurts you to try to be friends when she is dating someone else. If she respects you at all, she'll respect your feelings, seeing as she's the one who dumped you.

 

I think it's crap that she's telling you to wait around to see how things work out with this new guy. Grow a pair and wish her the best with the guy, and tell her she can call you if things end, and you may be available, may be not.