anyone else have a wife like this?

[JamesM]

RP, go back and reread the complete thread. I think some questions are answered...or did you already do so?

 

As a father who has taken care of many toddlers and babies alone while my wife worked, I can agree that it is exhausting. And I would take a nap also. However, BEFORE I took a nap, I made sure that my boy(s) were secure and safe. I either put them in their crib, gated them in a room with me, or simply put them in the stroller. Never did I leave them so they could get into danger. I always looked for the next possible accident before my baby found it. So as a responsible mother, she should have done the same. It doesn't matter how exhausted she is.

 

And as for calling the children's accidents "mistakes," they are. But that is how children die...adults make mistakes. As parents, our responsibility is to prevent as many as possible. And if I recall correctly, Mrs. Jimm was scared when Jimm called the police originally because if the accident went to court, she could lose her children or job. So, she knew the severity of the accident or mistake.

 

Jimm has taken the time to post here. To me that says something about his character...in a positive way. Why would he post if all he was seeking was a validation of his problem? Yes, he may do so once, but I am a firm believer that someone who cares will take the time to post here. If he did not care, he would not waste his time.

 

Many times I am on the woman's side, but here I see that Jimm has many valid points. He is seeking solutions...not validations. He could have easily posted: "Does anyone know a good divorce lawyer?" Instead he wants to know what direction to take.

[Ladyjane14]

Many times I am on the woman's side, but here I see that Jimm has many valid points.

 

Be that as it may, each of his previous "points" must be resolved and put away in order for the marriage to regain health. These issues cannot be carried into the future, festering as resentments. These folks can either forgive each other and move on as a team, or get the heck away from one another. Otherwise, their best bet is to learn to live with the status quo.

 

If he can't find a way to let the past rest in the past... the cycle of resentment and anger cannot be broken. He's mad at her because the laundry's not done and she's mad at him because he's mad at her so she doesn't do the laundry. It can get THAT petty. Somebody has to be the first to throw a stick into the wheel spokes and break that cycle up.

 

If Mrs. Jimm was posting here, I'd recommend to her that she do just that.

But she's not, and Jimm is. And it doesn't really matter who goes first. The important bit is that SOMEBODY makes a positive move.

[Sevenmack]

Actually Recordproducer, one can figure out why Jimm wasn't there when his child fell down the stairs. The likelihood is that he took his other children out, which is what dads are supposed to do. In any case, blaming him for the fact that his wife didn't properly watch her child is a bit much. An adult, after all, should be trustworthy enough to keep eye or place the child in a secure area while she is napping.

 

Contrary to what you think, I don't see a picture of Jimm's character as being one of a man who's simply mad about his wife not cleaning the house and blaming all the woes of their kids on her. He's likely angry about the overall lack of consideration for the family and the difficulties of keeping a family working from her end.

 

It's easy for a woman to look at his complaints and just simply argue that he's not up on his job and she's more likely handling hers; so many complaints from the women on the site are about such situations and they are legitimate. But if a man is going so far as to comment about this on a public forum, perhaps she's not up to speed on her role. A cry for help doesn't always come in a feminine voice.

[Sevenmack]

Ladyjane wrote: But she's not, and Jimm is. And it doesn't really matter who goes first. The important bit is that SOMEBODY makes a positive move.

 

That is true. But we know he's tried some positive moves such as offering to hire a cleaning service to keep house and relieve her of that burden. She could have easily given the OK, thus relieving her of the stress of hearing complaints about an untidy home. But she hasn't. So how's he to respond to that?

 

One can make all the positive moves in the world and should, even if they are not immediately reciprocated by positive moves on the spouse's part. But at some point, you can bend but so much. Giving without receiving is a poor way to run a relationship. It won't last that way.

[Gunny376]

It takes two to make a marriage, and you can't have one rowing in one direction and the other rowing in the other ~ like something out of the Three Stogges for crying out loud.

 

One of them are going to step up to the plate and as LJ said, "Throw a stick into the spokes" to break the cycle. This thing has taken a life of its own now, and is feeding upon itself.

 

Hopefully Mrs Jimi will find this site and give us her version of the truth.

(Or as I use to tell my XW, there's three versions of the truth. Yours, mine, and ours, the only one that counts is ~ ours! She never could get that one wrapped around here head ~ all I ever got was :confused: )

[RecordProducer]

if I recall correctly, Mrs. Jimm was scared when Jimm called the police originally because if the accident went to court, she could lose her children or job. So, she knew the severity of the accident or mistake.

He wanted to call the police on his wife? I guess I have to read all his posts. That shows a lot of antagonism between the two of them. And I am afraid that a wife who wants to chat with him for hours is not the one who is antagonistic toward him, but it's the one who constantly demands more from her, has no patience for a conversation with her, and sees her as the worst wife in the world. He doesn't sound like he loves her at all.

 

He could have easily posted: "Does anyone know a good divorce lawyer?" Instead he wants to know what direction to take.

His original question was: does anyone have a wife like this? That clearly implies that SHE is "like this" - defective, bad... and he is perfect.

[Gunny376]

I didn't read the entire thread either RP ~ just Jimn's posts, but there's plenty of room for that Jewish finger pointing you spoke of to go around on both sides.

 

LJ got it right ~ they should sell the house and get a duplex, with a door in the middle of the living rooms!

[RecordProducer]

I didn't read the entire thread either RP ~ just Jimn's posts, but there's plenty of room for that Jewish finger pointing you spoke of to go around on both sides.

 

LJ got it right ~ they should sell the house and get a duplex, with a door in the middle of the living rooms!

I didn't read all Jim's posts. Right, they should live separately, a duplex (like a town house) would be great. But I am afraid that even if they got divorced and lived 5,000 miles apart, he would always criticize her for not doing her job with the kids.

[woe_is_me]

Mockery, hi i didn't read the entire post either or i missed the post about the boy in his PJs ..thank you for quoting. I'm shocked!

 

That IS child abuse, she sounds violent.

 

Isn't that out of the scope of this site?

 

Popped out arm socket and Jimm describes this as a 'tizzy'!?? Whole family needs help imo