anyone else have a wife like this?

[Ladyjane14]

It's easier to find someone who is smiliar to you by default than compromise. She could have someone who doesn't care about the house and wants to yap with her about everything. And he could have a neat woman who does more and talks less.

 

Weird that you should mention that, because I was just thinking of a guy I know who had very exacting standards during his first marriage. Needless to say, his wife eventually left him for someone who was more tolerant. Meanwhile, he remarries a woman who runs the kind of "taut ship" he always dreamed about. Trouble is... she runs HIM too.

 

That poor guy has aged before his time. Last time I saw him, he looked a good ten years older than he should have.

 

I reckon the moral of his story is... Be careful what you wish for!

[Gunny376]

First let me say, that I'm far, far from suffering from NGS (Nice Guy Syndrone

 

(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nice+guy) but I'm far

 

from being a jerk either

 

(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jerk)

 

But the man that is successful women lies somewhere in the between and has achieved a balanced between the two, and is conscious and aware of that balance at all times.

 

But, I can absolutely assure you that when dealing with a woman ~ you can have the nice cars, the big houses, a wallet of platiumn credit cards, more money in the bank than you count ~ but if you're not taking care of your business with your woman in regards to making love in and out of the bedroom ~ you need to up-date your romance resume' because you're at any moment of losing your woman.

 

You see it and hear about it all the time ~ how some gal leaves some rich guy. Warren Buffet's wife left him, even though he's one of the richest men in the world. Why? Because he was too busy making money.

 

You work to live, not live to work.

 

There are two areas that are necessary for men to take care of when it comes to women. And, doesn't necessarly take precedence at any given time, but they supercede one in another in importance at any given time on any given day.

 

The first I will mention is financial security ~ or at least financial stablity. If your woman is worried about keeping the roof over your heads, food in the fridge, shoes and clothes on the children, the lights turned on ~ that? That's not a good night to try and get frisky, because it ain't happening pal. Actually, if your woman got anything weighing heavy on her mind ~ you need to be a part of the solution and part of the answers and not part of the problem and part of the question ~ or you will become the problem and part of the question.

 

And a lot of the being part of the solution and part of the answers is knowing when and what to say, and how to say it ~ but get this, a lot of times its just sitting there keeping your mouth shut and do something called listening. Really listening. Women by and large for the most part aren't stupid ~ and a lot of time they're just communicating as women, and talking out loud ~ or I should say thinking out loud.

 

Women get with men, because they wine and dine them, court them and romance them. Men complain that the greatest form of birth control is the wedding cake. Well, did you ever think that the reason for that is because you quit doing what it was that you did to get her in the first place? Duh? So who renigged on the deal to begain ~ my bet that nine times out of ten its the guy.

 

Its like the guy whose wife told him, you know before we got married, you use to wine and dine me, send me cards and flowers, and we'd dance the night away! What happen to all that ~ to which the guy replies, "That's why I got married! So I wouldn't have to do all of that stuff?"

 

And, the bottom line is that what it takes to get her, is generally what it takes to keep her. But, alot of what happens between the "I Do's" and where a lot of men on LS find themselves is called life. Other things, deadlines, committments, jobs, carrers etc shove themselves to the forefront ~ and love gets left behind.

 

This is of course factoring out any mental defects of either party ~ and that they're both so-called normal, (I don't think we've got a very good handle as to what "normal" is? )

[RecordProducer]

I reckon the moral of his story is... Be careful what you wish for!

I honestly think that if I married someone who was more similar to my personality, I would've been happier in my marriage.

[Touche]

Great post, Gunny but I'd venture to say that just as many women fruck up as men do. What about all the women who stop telling their men how much they mean to them and how proud they are of them? Don't you think women stop doing those things too once the ring is on their finger? Don't many of them let themselves go? Don't some of them cheat? Don't some have mid-life crisis and have affaris?

 

Great post but let's be fair here. In my experience in life, men are no worse than women are.

[Gunny376]

Great post, Gunny but I'd venture to say that just as many women fruck up as men do. What about all the women who stop telling their men how much they mean to them and how proud they are of them? Don't you think women stop doing those things too once the ring is on their finger? Don't many of them let themselves go? Don't some of them cheat? Don't some have mid-life crisis and have affaris?

 

Great post but let's be fair here. In my experience in life, men are no worse than women are.

 

Oh, no doubt Touche, but then I might get called a "woman hater" again and told to get one of those "rainbow" bumper stickers for my car!

[Sevenmack]

Recordproducer wrote:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrmaximum View Post

This man may lack in the romance department, but he's picking up the slack in all other areas.

NO department can make up for the romance part!

 

Maybe. Maybe not. The funny thing is that all these things -- caring for the family, cleaning the house, romance -- are all important. These are signs that someone loves and cares for you; there's nothing that says that any of this has to be done.

 

A man can take care of his children -- he's obligated to do so -- and not clean the house or buy his wife flowers or take her to the doctor when she has to go. There's nothing in the marriage contract that says it. When he's doing most of it -- or all of it -- these are signs of love and they should be appreciated. Same is true when the woman cleans house, cooks dinner or gives her husband a blowjob.

 

As much as women like to disregard the picking up the trash, supporting the family and other non-romantic elements men do, women would be just as annoyed -- if not more so -- if their husbands didn't do any of this. There are plenty of women out there who complain that their men don't have cars, don't fix things and the like. And it irks them to the point of ending the relationship. Why? Because these things are as important as romance in showing love.

 

There isn't always going to be time for romance; the reason why a woman got wined and dined is because her man didn't actually know her then or got to see her all that often. See someone every day and the romance is going to be tough to maintain. This is why men must do the flowers thing and keep it up, even in the face of time, the ultimate killer of all relationships.

 

But women should also realize that the non-romantic things are signs of love and caring. After all, as no woman is obligated to f--k her man every day (or week), no man is obligated to fix the washing machine or pick her up from the airport. What's being done should also be appreciated on both sides.

[mrmaximum]

Recordproducer wrote:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrmaximum View Post

This man may lack in the romance department, but he's picking up the slack in all other areas.

NO department can make up for the romance part!

 

Maybe. Maybe not.....

 

But women should also realize that the non-romantic things are signs of love and caring. After all, as no woman is obligated to f--k her man every day (or week), no man is obligated to fix the washing machine or pick her up from the airport. What's being done should also be appreciated on both sides.

 

There may not be enough time, with kids things are a lot more difficult!! Sometimes all you have is a hug and a kiss and to spend a little time together on the couch talking and that is ALL you have. To expext a ton of romance later in the relationhsip may be unrealistic, but I agree that romance is necessary for the survival of the marriage. WE have to remember that any LTR isn't an eternal date. As for our current problem, I have heard some women say, after you have been slighted all day, do you really want to sleep with your hubby? This guy is like the typical wife who wants (needs) her hubby to do more around the house but he doesn't and he makes all types of excuses why he shouldn't. In that case would you tell that overworked woman that she should give him what he wants so he helps out? I bet money that you wouldn't. Why is the case different now? It isn't like this is a new development, this has been going on for quite some time now, they have even been to counseling over

it and still nothing has changed. This also isn't just about the house, it is about his feelings that she is ignoring, this is important to him and she doesn't give a rat's @ss. As I have said before, if the situation was reveresed I bet your advice would be a lot different. Just how many overworked moms are told to just give your hubby a bj because he is being underappreciated, especially after a long period time and repeated attepmts at professional intervention?

[mrmaximum]

 

 

 

As I said I don't hate women, its their divorce lawyers ~ judges I can't stand. :mad: Along with the double standard that all to many women laughingly use to their advantage.

 

A man cheats ~ its his fault

A woman cheats ~ its still his fault

 

A man cheats ~ she get half his stuff

A woman cheats ~ she still gets have his stuff.

 

A domestic dispute occurs the man is the one that at the very least has to go sleep in the motel or his car, or gets arrested.

 

A woman insinuates (even without proof) that a man sexually molested, assulted, raped her ~ he goes to jail and is guilty until proven innocent?

 

And, I too for one would like to hear Jim's wife side of the story.

 

I too would like to hear it too, I'm sure it would shed a lot of light on this.

[RecordProducer]

The funny thing is that all these things -- caring for the family, cleaning the house, romance -- are all important.

 

When he's doing most of it -- or all of it -- these are signs of love and they should be appreciated. Same is true when the woman cleans house, cooks dinner or gives her husband a blowjob.

I agree, but he doesn't seem to do anything FOR her, he does it because it has to be done. HE can't live in a dirty house.

 

As much as women like to disregard the picking up the trash, supporting the family and other non-romantic elements men do, women would be just as annoyed -- if not more so -- if their husbands didn't do any of this. There are plenty of women out there who complain that their men don't have cars, don't fix things and the like.

There are plenty of women out there who do most of the house job all by themselves and nobody thinks they should dump their husbands for that. They don't even complain.

 

There isn't always going to be time for romance; the reason why a woman got wined and dined is because her man didn't actually know her then or got to see her all that often.

This is a very sad truth.

 

See someone every day and the romance is going to be tough to maintain. This is why men must do the flowers thing and keep it up, even in the face of time, the ultimate killer of all relationships.

I don't care about flowers. I would prefer to see some sparkle in his eyes or hear a compliment... But that stopped since the moment I moved in with my husband.

 

I think it's the wedding cake that ruins everything, not just the sex. People are right.

 

But women should also realize that the non-romantic things are signs of love and caring. After all, as no woman is obligated to f--k her man every day (or week), no man is obligated to fix the washing machine or pick her up from the airport. What's being done should also be appreciated on both sides.

Yes and I agree that it's ugly when a person acts like they can't take care of themselves, but we don't really know what exactly is going on. As far as I am concerned, it might have happened only twice or she might be doing everything else. I asked these questions, but Jimm hasn't showed up since to asnwer them:

What do you cook? Who takes care of the dishes after cooking and dinner? Who cleans up the table? Who cleans the house? Who goes shopping? Who feeds the kids? Who drives them to the day-care center? Who walks the dog? Who cleans the bathrooms and the kitchen?

If she does all this while he warms up frozen food in the microwave for dinner then he underestimates HER effort. I suspect that that's all it is about here. When ky kids were little, I simply didn't get to FINISH all the work even with my husband helping me a lot. I had laundry starting to stink cuz I didn't have time to spread it (we lived in a rented apartment and didn't have a dryer). I didn't even go to work and this woman works. I became severely depressed, because all my life was about is obligations and nothing else.

 

As I said, we don't know her side of the story. I can deal with the information that's certain only and I see a very angry man with a bad attitude. Regarding how bad a mother she is, every mother is bad, because little accidents happen to all kids. From bloody knees to bloody heads, from broken bikes to broken bones.

 

In any case, Sevenmack, if it means anything to you, I like you and I really enjoy exchanging opinions with you. Keep posting, don't disappear.

[Ladyjane14]

There may not be enough time, with kids things are a lot more difficult!! Sometimes all you have is a hug and a kiss and to spend a little time together on the couch talking and that is ALL you have. To expext a ton of romance later in the relationhsip may be unrealistic, but I agree that romance is necessary for the survival of the marriage. WE have to remember that any LTR isn't an eternal date.

 

Romance is superficial, IMO. It's meaningless when compared to a deep-seated desire to increase the happiness quotient of your partner's life. I don't need flowers from my man. I don't care if the last time we went to the movies just the two of us was 1989. These things are of no value to me if I'm not secure in the knowledge that he genuinely LIKES me.

 

THAT's what I'm talking about. This isn't about bargaining. It's not about the battle between the sexes. It's about having authentic FEELINGS of good will toward your mate.

 

Hey, it's easy to sit around looking for fault in other people. If you make a point of "looking", you're bound to find it. And when it's somebody you see every day.. it's even easier.

 

What's a little more difficult is APPRECIATING another person in a daily way DESPITE their faults. It's not as if we aren't all living in our own glass house. We each have flaws too, yet we still want our spouses to somehow find a way to love us warts and all. If we want that for ourselves, doesn't it just make sense to give it voluntarily to the one we signed on to love and comfort for the rest of their lives?

 

As for our current problem, I have heard some women say, after you have been slighted all day, do you really want to sleep with your hubby?

 

Why would she want to be intimate with a guy who doesn't even LIKE her?

When a person, male or female BELIEVES in their heart of hearts that they are UNLOVED by their mate... hey, they may as well be. Because that's the reaction you're gonna get from them. They'll treat you like a stranger, because emotionally... you are. That's the disconnect.

 

This guy is like the typical wife who wants (needs) her hubby to do more around the house but he doesn't and he makes all types of excuses why he shouldn't. In that case would you tell that overworked woman that she should give him what he wants so he helps out? I bet money that you wouldn't. Why is the case different now?

 

You'd lose your money if you bet against me.

'Cause yeah, I would. It's the SAME solution for almost EVERY marital problem. Give your partner what they need. It worked for me.

 

When I started voluntarily giving my husband what he needs from me, in order that he should feel comforted and loved... when I started giving with a FULL HEART... things turned around. As long as I was sitting around filled with negativity, finding fault, blaming... he FELT that energy. I never went around telling him I was pissed off at him. But he knew it.

 

These days I control that kind of negative imaging. I substitute more positive thoughts in association with him instead. IOW, I deliberately FIND the 'silver lining' in his 'cloud'. It works gangbusters too.

Where before he felt criticized, now he feels accepted. He's got no impetus to meet me with passive/aggressive energy because I don't cause the wounds that would make him lash out or withdraw his care.

 

So, don't think for a minute I wouldn't tell any woman in the OP's position not to give it a try. Given reason to think there's a rat's chance it'll work for her... you bet I would.

 

It's just like Gunny reminds us all the time... "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." The OP's wife isn't here for us to tell her that. But he, himself, is not absolved of the basic truth of that sentiment by virtue of her absence. Ramping up the negative energy will NOT solve his problems. It's part of the problem, not part of the solution.

[RecordProducer]

Romance is superficial, IMO. It's meaningless when compared to a deep-seated desire to increase the happiness quotient of your partner's life. I don't need flowers from my man. I don't care if the last time we went to the movies just the two of us was 1989. These things are of no value to me if I'm not secure in the knowledge that he genuinely LIKES me.

 

THIS is what I was trying to say when I said romance. Romance is not about flowers. Anyone can give me flowers, help me in the kitchen and say "Darling, you look wonderful" if instructed by the marriage counselor to do so. I need to look at my man and see my best friend, I need to admire him and know that he admires me. And every woman and man on earth needs that.

[mrmaximum]

Just decided to re-read his first couple posts again to refresh my memory. Now, Jimm hasn't stated how long this has been going on for and I will continue to check if I can find it but let's review the facts;

 

They both work; as a teacher we know that she will have to take her work home with her and he works at home, but he works quite a few hours a week to 'make ends meet', meaning that his business takes quite a bit of time.

 

She ignores her end; This was a problem before and now nothing has changed. they even went to a counselor to fix things and a list was made to rectify the situation. He's holding up his end, she isn't. Can anyone say resentment?

 

She ignores the kids; He has to take care of the house and the kids while she is doing what she pleases and leaves the rest for him. Yes she is a teacher, but she has summers off, he doesn't.

 

She ignores him; Haven't had sex in quite some time and he is willing to accept that at this point (better man than me) so long as he gets a hand, and to tell the truth after he works all these hours, I can't blame him.

 

Hey, there are women who go through this sort of thing and my heart goes out to them, because that is ridiculous!! The wife and I have had this discussion ourselves with me conceding that she was right and I had to step up. These are the reasons why they guys here are saying to drop her, it isn't JUST the house, she isn't holding her end of the whole MARRIAGE up and Jimm can't do it himself!! I bet you'd be hard pressed to say that this is acceptable, yeah? I do say again that she should be checked out medically because this sounds very much like depression and/or ADHD, if it isn't I think it's going to take a little more than romance to save this one, and I think we have lost sight of that by getting a little hot under the collar over the chores issue.

[RecordProducer]

She ignores her end;

We don't know if she really ignores her end or he doesn't value the things she does and only looks for the things she doesn't get to do. He said that she dares take a nap or do some art work when laundry is piled up.Mind you, I've been married twice and have done fun things while chores were piling up and NEVER heard one word from my two husbands - both neat and clean people. I am neat, too, but none of us is a freak about it.

 

Jimm sounds like he doesn't want his wife to have a minute of free time if some house chore has to be done. Now please be honest, while you're sitting on LS, are your chores all finished?

She ignores the kids;

That's what Jimm says and I just don't take his words for granted.

 

She ignores him; Haven't had sex in quite some time

Ignoring and not giving sex are two different things. As far as I know, he ignores her. The lack of sex is just a consequence of other problems.

[Gunny376]

When I said "rommance" it ties in with what Lady Jane and RP said. I'm not just speaking about the whole wine and dine, candlelight dinners, flowers gimmic.

 

I'm talking about honestly putting the other person ~ your significant other first and foremost in your life and in your mind on a day to day basis. And to do so doesn't require significant amounts of time, effort and energy ~ nor money if any at all. It could be things such as warming up her car, filling her car up with gas, picking her up some banana flavored taffey because you know she like them. It could be a hug or a shoulder massage without the expectation of it leading to sex.

 

IMHO, when both parties are working and there are children involved, especially small children ~ when it comes to taking care of the household chores ~ its whoever hits the back door first, with the second spouse pitching in as soon as they hit the backdoor.

 

But, to honest with you?

 

 

Time Magazine, September 17, 1999

 

Positive Illusions: From "I do" to the Seven-Year Itch, a new study shows that marriage (surprise) is hard work BY AMY DICKINSON

 

Next to fig newtons, there's nothing I like better than a good

longitudinal study. I especially enjoy ones with fancy titles that use

lots of charts and graphs to tell us what we suspected all along. The

latest, entitled "The Nature and Predictors of the Trajectory of Change

in Marital Quality for Husbands and Wives over the First 10 Years of

Marriage," was published this month in the Journal of Developmental

Psychology. Cutely subtitled "Predicting the Seven-Year Itch," this

extensive research charts the decline in the quality of marriages of more

than 500 Midwestern couples, surveyed over 10 years.

 

According to the research, married couples' assessment of the quality of

their marriage starts to sink rapidly just after the "I do" and continues

downward through the first four years. The quality of marriage plateaus

after that first dip and then declines again during years eight, nine and

10--the "seven-year itch" part. Couples reported that the presence of

children is, not surprisingly, a considerable stress on a marriage; the

research states that having children at home prevented married couples

from maintaining "positive illusions about their relationships."

 

My local bookstore has a shelf of relationship books that is longer than

most relationships, detailing how to find the love you want, how to get

married and how to create, and try to maintain, those "positive

illusions." In our popular culture, marriage seems to flow naturally from

romance--Julia Roberts keeps running off with Richard Gere. Americans

love to get married, but half our marriages don't take. Then we switch

partners and remarry, with roughly the same odds of success.

 

A lot of the problems with Jimn's marriage started before he and she said "I do" (Ref: http://www.divorcereform.org/mel/ahelpingmarr.html) and insult was added to injury when they begin to have children, before fully negotiating the marriage. Now years later and two (soon to be three) he wants to re-define the bounderies and re-negotiate the implied martial contract.

 

By no means am I saying that rommance is the panecia ~ cure all of cure alls, but as LJ's pointed out it will help start dispacted some of the pent up negative energy in the marriage.

 

To be honest with you, I'm not entirely sure that this isn't so much an organizational ~ logistical problem in that the wife doesn't know how to "plan her work ~ work her plan" My XW was blown away when I explained to her that its easier if you clean as you go, while cooking, and that you clean from the top down ~ she just didn't know how to clean house. I showed her a couple of things, but it was another close friend that showed her to how to get organize, "plan your work, work your plan," stay on top of things and not let them get out from under foot. After than? No problem.

 

And apparetnly a lot of people have this promblem? Suffice enough that the following is a website dedicated to it by a nationaly syndicated columnist. http://www.flylady.net/ to help people become better at housecleaning.

 

Another thing, although I'm single, I know how to cook, but I don't like doing it everyday. I shop one day, cook the next ~ for two weeks at a time? How, I've one of those vacumn food savers, and a small chest type frezzer. After that, its pop it in the microwave, boil in the bag, (entrees) etc. Add some vegetables, a salad, bidda-boom, bidda-bang.

 

You can do it for up to month. Ref the book: "Once-A-Month Cooking"

"A proven system for spending less time in th kitchen and enjoying delicious homemade meals everday!" Authors Mimi Wilson and Mary Beth Lagerborg, ISBN # 0-8054-1835-0, Broadman and Holman publishers.

 

Finally for Jimn and others, taking about rommance, re-conecting when you have children, Dr. Ellen Kreidman's book, "How Can We Light A Fire When The Kids Are Driving Us Crazy?" ISBN # 0-679-41575-0 Random House.

[mockeryjones]

We don't know if she really ignores her end or he doesn't value the things she does and only looks for the things she doesn't get to do. He said that she dares take a nap or do some art work when laundry is piled up.Mind you, I've been married twice and have done fun things while chores were piling up and NEVER heard one word from my two husbands - both neat and clean people. I am neat, too, but none of us is a freak about it.

 

Jimm sounds like he doesn't want his wife to have a minute of free time if some house chore has to be done. Now please be honest, while you're sitting on LS, are your chores all finished?

That's what Jimm says and I just don't take his words for granted.

 

Ignoring and not giving sex are two different things. As far as I know, he ignores her. The lack of sex is just a consequence of other problems.

 

 

no offense. but it seriously appears you haven't read this thread all the way through.

[RecordProducer]

no offense. but it seriously appears you haven't read this thread all the way through.

Yes, I haven't. Maybe I missed a lot of details, but I based my answers on his first post and I see a lot of anger in that post and two people that were not meant to be together.

 

I think discussing his wife's laundry-folding habits in this forum is ridiculous. Doing the laundry, just like NOT doing it, should not be a reason for a divorce or a reason to put the bad-wife label on someone.

[mockeryjones]

Yes, I haven't. Maybe I missed a lot of details, but I based my answers on his first post and I see a lot of anger in that post and two people that were not meant to be together.

 

I think discussing his wife's laundry-folding habits in this forum is ridiculous. Doing the laundry, just like NOT doing it, should not be a reason for a divorce or a reason to put the bad-wife label on someone.

 

i suggest you read the rest of the thread before you jump to conclusions

 

items such as

 

Naps and enjoying life are fine but our 6 month old tumbled down 18 stairs a month ago during one of her careless weekend naps.

 

and

 

SHe wanted to hang some pictures a while back, I came in the door to find my 4 month old daughter playing with her pile of picture hanging nails since my wife was now absorbed in sorting through the pictures going into the frame in an entirely different room of the house.

 

and

 

Our oldest.....2 yrs then was difficult to get dressed in his pj's. I usually did it but I could not move easily and so the job was in her hands. As he resisted her she fought back. She was preg at the time and very mental. Our son put up a typical fight of not wanting to get pj's on etc. The struggle intensified to the point of where she was hurting him, sittin on him and bending his arm in a way that it does not bend. His armpit was popped out, the socket was white and could see it was out of control and she was in a tizzy. I told her to "knock it off, you are hurting him" "get off of him" ....after 3 requests she ignored me . His bawling when from spioled brat crys to hurt crys. It became serious and I managed to get up and pull her off of him by only grabbing her arms and pulling straingt up vertically and moving her 3 feet away from him and placing myself between her and him. I looked her in the eyes and said "cool it b4 you break his arm" ...She was like looking into the devils eyes and instantly began kicking me in the gut, nuts , anything she could kick. She kept going back to him and pulling on his arm to get him twisted forcfully into one of those full length body pj's......you know the one with the feet in them. I pulled her off again and said go cool down...she refused and started beating the F out of me.

 

might help you understand his position a wee bit better............

[JamesM]

There is no doubt that the problems here go way beyond her simply not cleaning the house. It seems that she has more than simply just given up. It seems that she has some emotional issues and mental issues. He may have a lot of anger for her, but it seems that he has a reason for his anger. Having said that, I woul dlove to know her side.

 

Speaking of Jimm, where are you?

 

 

Have you done anything different this weekend to see if you can change your situation?

[RecordProducer]

might help you understand his position a wee bit better............

Thanks for quoting the parts for me and saving me time.

 

I see. Well the first two quoted parts I could label as accidents, because they do happen to other moms as well. Kids are just kids. But the third part convinced me that they ALL have issues. The child is obviously hysterical and doesn't obey, which can be very frustrating for parents. It seems like this woman just had it. Work, three kids, house chores, a demanding husband... She holds a lot of anger against Jim (that's why she beat him) and is taking it out on the children through aggression or neglect. In a state of general despair, we lack energy for the basic things. And kids require a lot of energy. So I agree with the posters who said that Jim's wife needs a doctor and is possibly depressed.

 

The sad part is that Jim is not really interested in helping his marriage, his wife, and his children so they can all live in a happier and healthier environment. He is not even that concerned about the missing sex. All he seems to care about is how to get his wife do her house chores. With that attitude, she will not feel better. And he will not feel better either. Somebody said that if you're not a part of the solution, you're part of the problem and this is what Jim fails to recognize, that he shouldn't be against his wife in this battle that he created. They should be in the same team, confide in each other, help one another, and find a solution together.

 

Taking care of little children and a house plus go to work is difficult. But if a critical circumstance can ruin a marriage then the bond between the wife and husband was not strong enough. What would happen if Jim's wife would be diagnosed with some disease? What if she is diagnosed with clinical depression next time she visits her doctor? Will Jim have understanding for her pain and excuse her behavior? I have a feeling that he wouldn't. He doesn't even want to look in the mirror or help his wife. He used every possible detail he could describe in order to make her look really bad. He dug several most extreme instances to represent her as a monstrous mother and wife. But I am not convinced. I think she is unhappily married and stuck with a man who doesn't understand her.

 

There's an old Jewish saying: When you point out a finger at somebody, you are pointing three fingers at yourself!

[JamesM]

There's an old Jewish saying: When you point out a finger at somebody, you are pointing three fingers at yourself!

 

I am not sure that the Jews can take credit for this one...unless it is in the Bible. My folks said that all of the time...except they said that four were pointing back (the thumb is a finger, I guess in "the old country.") But your point is well-taken.

 

I agree. Jimm seems to be talking and dwelling upon the household chores the most as if this was how he felt loved or appreciated.

 

Jimm, any comments?

[Gunny376]

Somebody said that if you're not a part of the solution, you're part of the problem...............................

 

Oh! Oh! Oh! :eek: TODAY ~ I'm just "somebody", but last night I was your Gunny Bunny!

 

I see how you are! All a man is to you is your little play thing for you to toy with!

[Dadaal]

You should get some else!!

[RecordProducer]

Naps and enjoying life are fine but our 6 month old tumbled down 18 stairs a month ago during one of her careless weekend naps.

This quote has a few very weird and non-typical details. We are talking about a 6-month old baby. I don't think the mother would leave a little baby unprotected on the floor or the sofa and calmly close her eyes to take a nap. That suggests that she simply fell asleep, perhaps while playing with the baby, and the child rolled over. Of course, I am just guessing, but I would like to hear a more detailed explanation on what exactly happened.

 

Secondly, he says it was weekend time. If she was taking a nap and the baby was alone, where were Jim and the other kids?

 

Taking a nap is a physiological need (especially for a tired working mother), not a fun game, although we all enjoy our naps. I don't think any of you who bash this woman have the slightest clue of how exhausting it is both emotionally and physically to take care of little kids plus a house, even if you don't go to work.

 

A few cases of negligence will not convince me that she is a bad mother. If these things and many others occurred on a daily basis, I might change my mind.

 

I also wonder if the baby REALLy rolled 18 stairs down, but I'll assume that the information is correct. She must feel very bad about what happened regardless of whether she admits it. And what does Jim do? Bash her and use it against her. I don't know his wife's habits, but I am getting a clear picture of Jim's character.

[RecordProducer]

Oh! Oh! Oh! :eek: TODAY ~ I'm just "somebody", but last night I was your Gunny Bunny!

 

I see how you are! All a man is to you is your little play thing for you to toy with!

Yesterday I wanted sex from you. Today I want sex from James!

 

I am not sure that the Jews can take credit for this one...unless it is in the Bible. My folks said that all of the time...except they said that four were pointing back (the thumb is a finger, I guess in "the old country.") But your point is well-taken.

 

I agree. Jimm seems to be talking and dwelling upon the household chores the most as if this was how he felt loved or appreciated.

 

Jimm, any comments?

Are you saying that your parents are older than the Jewish nation so they said it before any Jews were even born?

[Gunny376]

Yesterday I wanted sex from you. Today I am not horny anymore!

 

:laugh: