Spoonandfork22 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I feel sick to my stomach that I posted two months ago and things were fine and now its, once again, a mess. for those of you who know the story, my bf and the ex were contacting one another behind my back, big mess, i found out, another big mess, we agreed to a second chance and NC with her. fast forward to now. i still havent got over it. i check his phone on occasion (he now erases every incoming call, outgoing call and missed call, along with text messages...). im still angry. as far as i know shes out of the picture. HOWEVER. we got in the biggest fight and first fight we have ever gotten into a few weekends back. i ended up going home and him out w. his buddies. BIG SURPRISE the ex was at the party and my bf's roomates invited her and her friends over to their house afterwards along wtih about 10 other random people. long story short my bf didnt tell me about it (later using the ever so popular "we were fighting it would have made things worse" excuse) and now i feel we are back at square one. is it agreed that ANY GUY who knows this is the ONE GIRL he shouldnt be hanging out with, regardless if him and his gf are fighting, should call his gf and let her know what is going on. i feel betrayed all over again and he just doesnt seem to get it. i plan on ending things with him later today, or at least taking a break to sort my head out. i need advice. i need a guys perspective. i want to trust him so bad...hes done so much to prove to me hes worth it but at the same time, i find it SO HARD to believe him when his behavior isnt going along AT ALL with he says. this is the second time they have hung out, he ran into her at a party about a month ago (he told me she had been there as soon as i got there). i want to be with him, but at what cost? i cant figure out his true intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
angrykitty Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I am sorry to hear that you have been through this again, I think I know how you feel - I have been through pretty much the same thing. I discovered that my bf cheated on me for months, and he said that it was all over a long time ago and that he wouldn't do it again... the usual. However, checking his phone I find that she is sending him messages for example 'I am sitting here in my panties and hold-ups' - I kid you not! and he is sending her messages about calling her and about how he is feeling and so on. He deletes most of the messages before I see them, but the little I do see makes me know that he is lying to me when he tells me that he doesn't talk to her any more, and that he hasn't called her. (Which he later changed to 'Might have rung her, he can't remember, but hasn't actually talked to her on the phone' when I told him that I had learnt to tell when he was lying, not entirely true but an effective tactic nonetheless!) Having said all of this, I am pretty sure (stupidly perhaps) that he isn't actually cheating on me. I think he lies to me, flirts with her, and she with him, but that nothing other than that is going on. yet. The problem is, for me, and I guess for you too, is that the wondering, fearing, worrying and imagining is terribly destructive. Much as I try to convince myself that it doesn't matter if she still flirts with him as it takes two to tango, and it doesn't matter if it is her in particular as there could always be someone else if it isn't her.... it's still incredibly hard to live with. I think this is very damaging to your self-confidence - it is for me, I don't know about you? And I feel awful most of the time too, guilty for suspecting, worried that I am going to get hurt -again-, stupid for not leaving already, convinced that I am paranoid, jealous and just plain wrong. Right now he has left his chat program on, and I can hear background noise in his office. He has gone out for a walk with some girl from the office about 30 minutes ago, and I am struggling again with insane jealousy. I think my point is (finally!) that it doesn't matter if it is the ex-girlfriend or not, it doesn't matter if it is -any- other girl he sees, what matters is if you can trust him, and if he has cheated on you in the past this for him means that he must be -totally- honest and up front about everything. Perhaps if your bf understood why this was so vital, he might be a little more considerate... Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyStar26 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 (he now erases every incoming call, outgoing call and missed call, along with text messages...) Pack your bags and leave him PDQ. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts