Men don't need marriage!

[Woggle]

Another problem is that many men try to be the nice guy and have a civil divorce while the women is going for the kill. If a woman divorces a man for no reason than he needs to prepare for war and prepare to be heartless. Men should stop being afraid to be the bad guy because in some women's eyes we are the bad guys just for being born with a penis anyway. That is why I hope K-Fed goes for everything in the divorce. I know this sounds sick but I am rooting for him as a victory for men and with the way she is acting he seems like the more stable parent anyway.

[justagirlforever]

If a woman divorces a man for no reason .....

Woggle, people don't get divorces for "no reason". There's usually at least one very good reason. Whatever that reason may be.

 

And PLEASE - I beg you - STOP generalising. Cut it out. It's not fair.

I'm trying to cut you a break here.

 

Go and give your girlfriend a hug or do something to make yourself feel better and not bitter.

[Trialbyfire]

Divorces are far from heartless. They are full of painful negative emotions mixed in with what should be a logical process. The last thing that matters is the money whether you guys want to believe it or not. It's another form of lashing out in most cases. We're going to hit you where it counts, financially, because we know that it's very difficult to romance when all you can offer is a staple diet of ramen noodles, candlelight or not.

[Woggle]

Divorces are far from heartless. They are full of painful negative emotions mixed in with what should be a logical process. The last thing that matters is the money whether you guys want to believe it or not. It's another form of lashing out in most cases. We're going to hit you where it counts, financially, because we know that it's very difficult to romance when all you can offer is a staple diet of ramen noodles, candlelight or not.

 

I don't mean heartless in that respect but men should show no mercy because best believe she won't. I told my ex in the divorce that either we can deal with it as mature adults or I could ruin her life. I didn't want to do that but if she wanted to play dirty I was willing to as well. Since she was caught lying in court the ball was in my court and she agreed to a civil divorce. I wanted nothing from her but I was not about to let her take anything from me.

[justagirlforever]

I'm trying to cut you a break here.

 

grrr - I'm always mixing my idioms! I meant "cut you some slack" or "give you a break". Take your pick

[Topper]

Cutting some slack, cutting break . It all better then cutting the Cheese

[Trialbyfire]

I don't mean heartless in that respect but men should show no mercy because best believe she won't. I told my ex in the divorce that either we can deal with it as mature adults or I could ruin her life. I didn't want to do that but if she wanted to play dirty I was willing to as well. Since she was caught lying in court the ball was in my court and she agreed to a civil divorce. I wanted nothing from her but I was not about to let her take anything from me.

I won't agree or disagree with that because I am currently being merciless and he's rolling over because I have so much information to sink him beyond salvation. I see zero reason to have any consideration for him because he put me through some of the most unbelievable torture you could possibly do to someone you supposedly loved, honoured and cherished. I'm not just talking about the cheating, it was the lying, the defensive attacks, everything. I have less than no love left and almost no hate left. The funny thing is that I don't hate men in general, I only despise and am disgusted with the actions of one very selfish man. It's very upfront and personal, lol. YAHHHH, ramen noodles for life for him and filet mignon for me!!

[crazy_grl]

I know this sounds sick but I am rooting for him as a victory for men and with the way she is acting he seems like the more stable parent anyway.

 

Yeah, that does sound a little sick, because K-Fed isn't so stellar himself. He's a horrible role model. I feel bad for those kids. No matter which parent they get stuck with, they're bound to end up as screwed up as their parents.

[burning 4 revenge]

Yeah, that does sound a little sick, because K-Fed isn't so stellar himself. He's a horrible role model. I feel bad for those kids. No matter which parent they get stuck with, they're bound to end up as screwed up as their parents.

I'd like to be as screwed up as them and look at the screwed up figures on my ridiculous bank statements

 

I'll shave my head and writhe around with a live snake if that's what it takes

[justagirlforever]

To all you people who hold resentment and bitterness: When someone pisses me off / annoyes me and starts to create feelings of resentment in me - I just "rise above it". Shrug it off. I simply won't stoop that low and enter temporary self-destruct mode.

 

Tricky and a catch 22 - because you have to be a proud person to be able to do that. But pride for many people can often stand in the way.

Just : move : on

Let things be.

Is it (the other person) worth it - honestly worth destroying yourself in the process? No.

[crazy_grl]

I do think that woman today have sold themselves on the Fairy tale. The Happy ever after and the new Fairy tail of "we can have it all"

I do think some woman are very justified in wanting out in cases of abuse and with a man who just can't keep his zipper up. The rest seem to just become very unhappy with their life. I might be prejudice here but seems to me they are unhappy with their life and take it out on their husband. He works too much he is never home. He does not work enough. There is to much money or not enough. It gets to the point, as a man you can never win. Woman want to be equal yet still treated special at the same time.

Take a look at some of the all time top chick flicks. Most are still on the Cinderella theam. A poor but good woman gets rescued by the Knight in shinning armor. Her life is transformed into something magic.

 

I agree with you there. I don't know how it is other places, but where I grew up, it was like people were implanted with the idea that getting married would suddenly make them whole and solve all their problems, women especially. But then they find out that they're just as empty and unhappy being married as they were single. And I'll bet a lot of them blame it on their spouse instead of seeing that the problem is within themselves.

[Trialbyfire]

To all you people who hold resentment and bitterness: When someone pisses me off / annoyes me and starts to create feelings of resentment in me - I just "rise above it". Shrug it off. I simply won't stoop that low and enter temporary self-destruct mode.

 

Tricky and a catch 22 - because you have to be a proud person to be able to do that. But pride for many people can often stand in the way.

Just : move : on

Let things be.

Is it (the other person) worth it - honestly worth destroying yourself in the process? No.

Have you ever been cheated on by a serial cheater and liar? I'm guessing no. It messes with your head to the point where you become someone you're not.

 

Having said that, this situation is tickling my normal black, irreverent sense of humour. I think he should make a movie or write a book titled "How to romance on a noodle budget in ten easy steps".

[lindya]

I don't mean heartless in that respect but men should show no mercy because best believe she won't. I told my ex in the divorce that either we can deal with it as mature adults or I could ruin her life. I didn't want to do that but if she wanted to play dirty I was willing to as well. Since she was caught lying in court the ball was in my court and she agreed to a civil divorce. I wanted nothing from her but I was not about to let her take anything from me.

 

 

Your divorce lawyer must have made a pretty penny out of you.

 

I bet at least $2,000 of your bill was generated by him listening to you ranting about your ex/women in general, interjecting the odd gentle reminder about chargeable time....then sitting back and thinking "okay pal - it's your money" as you insisted that it was vital he should "understand the kind of woman we're dealing with here."

[justagirlforever]

Have you ever been cheated on by a serial cheater and liar? I'm guessing no. It messes with your head to the point where you become someone you're not.

And you wouldn't know just how. So afraid you guessed wrong.

If you want the details (they're messy) I'll sit down some time and write it all down. It didn't happen with one person. Or even two. But three.

Guess I was naive and far too innocent, trusting - and gullible. Some people may call it stupid.

 

Believe me - it messed with my head big time. I was signed off work with depression and lost my (dream) job. So yeah - I know what it feels like. Know what it feels like to be hurt and trodden on beyond belief. And feel like a fool.

 

But I'm just a little wiser now. And hold no bitterness or resentment.

[Woggle]

I won't agree or disagree with that because I am currently being merciless and he's rolling over because I have so much information to sink him beyond salvation. I see zero reason to have any consideration for him because he put me through some of the most unbelievable torture you could possibly do to someone you supposedly loved, honoured and cherished. I'm not just talking about the cheating, it was the lying, the defensive attacks, everything. I have less than no love left and almost no hate left. The funny thing is that I don't hate men in general, I only despise and am disgusted with the actions of one very selfish man. It's very upfront and personal, lol. YAHHHH, ramen noodles for life for him and filet mignon for me!!

 

My ex cheated on me and got caught lying in court when she accused me of beating her and raping her during the marriage. One week she said all this in court and then the next week she said that I never abused her but I meglected and demeaned her. The judged call her on it as well. She is not the brightest woman in the world.

[luvtoto]

That is why I hope K-Fed goes for everything in the divorce. I know this sounds sick but I am rooting for him as a victory for men and with the way she is acting he seems like the more stable parent anyway.

Brittany is majorly screwing up her chances here. It will be interesting to find out what happens. If he doesn't gain custody...well, that just goes to show what a screwed up process we have.

 

I date a guy years ago that was going through a messy divorce. We became friends 'cause his wife and my fiance were having an affair. He was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple years before she left him.

 

He was having seizures and at times...fighting for his life.

 

It took him forever to finally get his disability payments coming in. His payments were pro-rated, so he got one big lump sum at first. He bought his wife a new mini-van, while he drove an old truck. He was given a brand new home by the government. Cheap rent, also. Everything in the house was new.

 

Two weeks after they signed the papers for the house, on their anniversary, she told him that she was cheating on him. Also, that she was going to leave him for another man. My man!

 

He was escorted out of his new home by the cops, at her request.

 

He moved into a two br apt, barely able to pay the rent with his disability check.

 

In court, she got the house (with the small payment of course), the car, the kids...the cat. Everything! Plus, he has to pay her childsupport out of his disability check. This forced him to go out and work a PT time job at a convenience store. His check payed both their rents.

 

She moved her new lover, my ex, into that new home about three months after he moved out.

 

He begged the judge to see her for what she was. He fought tooth and nail. He went after her with all he had. His parents gave him a loan to pay court costs.

 

The judge determined that they were both pretty much unfit parents. He was disgusted by the immaturity of it all. But, he gave the kids to her...because that's what we do in Nebraska.

 

He's fought tooth and nail for his rights. But, all he ended up doing was getting on the judges nerves. He had no rights. None.

 

After the divorce, she always had on new things, yet the kids would get dropped off with clothes too small. It was obvious that the money was not going to the kids.

 

Years later, she sold the house and wanted to move out of state with her new husband. Yes, my ex. The kids were going to be in their way, because they wanted to travel to alot of different places.

 

He was still fighting for custody of his kids. It was a never ending battle.

 

She ended up giving up custody. She never wanted the kids, just the check that came with them. Simple as that.

 

Bottom line, he didn't deserve any of what he got. He was the victim and she used the screwed up court system to get her way.

[Woggle]

I agree with you there. I don't know how it is other places, but where I grew up, it was like people were implanted with the idea that getting married would suddenly make them whole and solve all their problems, women especially. But then they find out that they're just as empty and unhappy being married as they were single. And I'll bet a lot of them blame it on their spouse instead of seeing that the problem is within themselves.

 

Very true. Whether married or single people with issues will always have those issues until they work on themselves.

[Trialbyfire]

And you wouldn't know just how. So afraid you guessed wrong.

If you want the details (they're messy) I'll sit down some time and write it all down. It didn't happen with one person. Or even two. But three.

Guess I was naive and far too innocent, trusting - and gullible. Some people may call it stupid.

 

Believe me - it messed with my head big time. I was signed off work with depression and lost my (dream) job. So yeah - I know what it feels like. Know what it feels like to be hurt and trodden on beyond belief. And feel like a fool.

 

But I'm just a little wiser now. And hold no bitterness or resentment.

 

Good for you for getting beyond that and I do mean this sincerely. Once my legal situation is over, I will be able to move on permanently because it will give me the finality that I need. There will be no regrets from being merciless because I see it as a learning experience for my ex albeit a lesson he will never appreciate which is fine with me.

 

My ex cheated on me and got caught lying in court when she accused me of beating her and raping her during the marriage. One week she said all this in court and then the next week she said that I never abused her but I meglected and demeaned her. The judged call her on it as well. She is not the brightest woman in the world.

 

Glad to hear that she got busted in court. Cheaters tend to get tied up in their lies too often. Karma can be such a b!tch.

[justagirlforever]

Good for you for getting beyond that and I do mean this sincerely.

Thank you . Hope you get there too. It honestly is the only way to ever move on to better things. Experience comes with hindsight.

We live and learn 'till the day we die. How we apply what we learn, is up to us

[katiebour]

The only time not wanting to get married causes problems is when the "I don't want to get married" person is in a relationship with a "I want to get married!" person. In that case one or the other of them is not being honest about what they truly want, or thinks they can change the other person's mindset.

 

It sounds like a lot of you have been involved with/married to some very dishonest, greedy, cruel, self-serving people. Can you then blame the institution of marriage for the behavior of those in it?

 

I've read this post, and many others and I've heard about unhappy marriages time and time again. I have seen my mother go through 3 marriages, each of which ended unhappily (twice her choice once his.) She has never had a successful marriage, never made any money off her divorces, gone through bankruptcy several times, and been incredibly unhappy. BTW my mother is a doctor- she was taken to the cleaners during her last divorce.

 

My mother and father made each other unhappy- most of this was my mother's fault. But my father went on to find the love of his life, my stepmother, to whom he has been ecstatically married for 20 years this year. They still act like newlyweds, making kissy faces at each other, calling each other pet names, and being totally involved/invested in each other's lives and supportive of each other's careers. It is very easy to see how happy they make each other (which was difficult for me to accept because I did not get along with my stepmother as a child.)

 

I have seen the worst and the best in my parent's multiple marriages- it is the best that inspires me to hope for the same kind of relationship/partnership, and yes, marriage in my own life.

 

Why, you ask, does one need the piece of paper, the committment, the "ball and chain?" I think it makes it harder for the persons involved to give up on a marriage once that piece of paper is signed (or at least that is the theory) and personally I consider it a very binding, meaningful, important step. Signing the contract is like signing a mortgage- you are agreeing to make a substantial investment which you agree to honor.

 

A marriage is only as good as the word and committment of the people involved. If you take it seriously, go into it with your eyes wide open, accepting responsibility for maintaining the love and happiness in your partnership, and your partner does the same, then you will have a wonderful marriage.

 

My b/f of a year and a half and I live together and things are going great. I am the only breadwinner right now since he is a non-trad college student. I have debt that I have been paying on for the last 5 years and which I hope to have paid completely in the next 2 years. I have learned fiscal responsibility and have also made the transition from irresponsible, pampered college student to a contributing member of the workforce.

 

I still clean the house and do laundry on my day off- my b/f takes care of some of the chores during the week as they come up. I sometimes ask him to take care of stuff when it starts to pile up, but I do quite a bit of it myself. We split the cooking 50/50 but since I am a professional cook my meals are tastier He makes good spaghetti sauce though.

 

He fixes my car and does repair on our mobile home. I help when I can and sometimes just stand outside with a pocket of nails and hand them to him while he works.

 

We make love several times a week, joke, talk about everything, spend a lot of time together, snuggle a lot, and work together to make our lives better.

 

We have disagreements but we work it out, often with a lot of kisses and apologies on both sides. We have both been through the wringer emotionally before and neither of us wants to go there again- we are committed to making our life together work, every day. That piece of paper would just reinforce the way we live now, and demonstrate to the world the depth of our committment to the relationship and to each other.

 

And I should trade all of this for a string of casual relationships? He should trade me in because as a woman I will someday take all his money in a divorce???

 

Bah.

 

After reading this thread, I am thinking of doing a prenup, when marriage comes up, just so that he knows in case of a divorce I will only want half of the assets, share custody of the kids and split everything fairly. I am not a gold-digger or a blackmailer. Don't tar me or all the other good women out there with the same brush as the bad ones. I promise not to paint all the men out there as cynical, depressed misogynists just because a few of you here are

[JackJack]

Just a question here, and no one is tarring and feathering you.

 

Lets say your mother had not been married and divorced 3 times. Lets say she stayed with your father and was still happily married, would you still consider a prenup if you were getting married?

[catrocks]

I really couldn't be arsed to read all 14 pages, so if I missed something then I apologise.

I realise that divorce rates are high, but to say that all men are "suckered" into marriage is slightly ignorant. Many people don't want to get married and that's fine, don't get married then! But don't judge the people who do want to get married, and we won't judge you either. It just seems (from the first page that I actually did read) that it's kind of a pointless and slightly ignorant post - just as a post saying "why doesn't everyone want to get married" would be. Don't like it, don't do it.

[luvtoto]

But don't judge the people who do want to get married, and we won't judge you either.

Well, I dont' know. I get judged often by married people wondering why I am single.

 

Just in the last three weeks, I've had two..no wait...three of my friends attempt to set me up. They've all labeled me as "too shy".

 

When someone asks me, "So, why are you single?"...it translates to: "So, what's wrong with you? Got issues?"

[Pyro]

Well, I dont' know. I get judged often by married people wondering why I am single.

 

Just in the last three weeks, I've had two..no wait...three of my friends attempt to set me up. They've all labeled me as "too shy".

 

When someone asks me, "So, why are you single?"...it translates to: "So, what's wrong with you? Got issues?"

 

So you tell them that not everyone wants to get married. Tell them you are comfortable with where you are at and to leave it be.

 

If your friends continue to try and set you up, then they obviously have some communication problems.

[Porn_Guy]

And PLEASE - I beg you - STOP generalising. Cut it out. It's not fair..

and you've never generalized JAGF?? everyone does it.

 

I agree with you there. I don't know how it is other places, but where I grew up, it was like people were implanted with the idea that getting married would suddenly make them whole and solve all their problems, women especially. But then they find out that they're just as empty and unhappy being married as they were single. And I'll bet a lot of them blame it on their spouse instead of seeing that the problem is within themselves.

so true CG... good observation

 

Well, I dont' know. I get judged often by married people wondering why I am single.

many married people are intimidated by singles and don't want them around. singles are seen as a potential threat to their marriage union. they want you to marry so you're no longer a threat.

 

Just in the last three weeks, I've had two..no wait...three of my friends attempt to set me up.

so? go out with the dudes, you'll probably get a free steak dinner out of it