Men don't need marriage!

[stillafool]

Woggle when I say "cake men" I mean men who are serial cheaters. Not someone (man or woman) who made a mistake and needs forgiveness. These cake men have no reason to marry whatsoever. The only reason they do is to put another notch in the selfish belt.

[twizzler]

I really don't blame the women, I put more of the blame on the overzealous lawyers that presuade the woman the current laws are in her favor and she should take FULL advantage of them.

 

 

Bingo!!!

 

When I went through my divorce I was taking home much more than my ex. My lawyer kept coming up with different ways to take more if his money and to rack up billing hours. I fired her and we went to a mediator, talked it out and came to a fair agreement. He didn't want custody so there was no issue.

[justagirlforever]

People cheat on People for a variety of reasons..... but ultimatley they are responsible for that decision to do so.

 

Never a truer word spoken!

[CynicalP]

People cheat on People for a variety of reasons..... but ultimatley they are responsible for that decision to do so.

 

These decisions are not made in a vaccum free from circumstances. There is always a cause and effect mechanism.

 

 

I like how all you ladies are patting each other on your backs and saying "you go girl" but are removing the woman from the equation.

[Moose]

These decisions are not made in a vaccum free from circumstances. There is always a cause and effect mechanism.

I agree! If my wife ever did cheat, I would be questioning myself and where I went wrong before I decided to throw the first stone.

[a4a]

These decisions are not made in a vaccum free from circumstances. There is always a cause and effect mechanism.

 

 

I like how all you ladies are patting each other on your backs and saying "you go girl" but are removing the woman from the equation.

 

sure ..... but if someone dents my car I have a choice of how to react, do I beat the crap out of the bad driver? I could.

 

as for the second part in bold ; what the hell are you saying?

[CynicalP]

sure ..... but if someone dents my car I have a choice of how to react, do I beat the crap out of the bad driver? I could.

 

The causal factor was the careless driver the effect is whatever your response is going to be placed in that situation.

 

as for the second part in bold ; what the hell are you saying?

 

This is a reaction to serial muse and justagirlforever response to your quote. Just reminds me of the typical Oprah audience mentality where women usually are absolved from wrong doing.

[a4a]

The causal factor was the careless driver the effect is whatever your response is going to be placed in that situation.

 

 

 

This is a reaction to serial muse and justagirlforever response to your quote. Just reminds me of the typical Oprah audience mentality where women usually are absolved from wrong doing.

 

 

Honey I am not pro woman in the cheating rodeo.. .. both sexes cheat. And it is the cheater that decides to pull their pants down..... the spouse cheated on- male or female -does not instruct the cheater to do so. The cheater makes that decision to take that action.

 

And where oh where have I ever made excuses based on gender...... PUHLEEZE!

[CynicalP]

Honey I am not pro woman in the cheating rodeo.. .. both sexes cheat. And it is the cheater that decides to pull their pants down..... the spouse cheated on- male or female -does not instruct the cheater to do so. The cheater makes that decision to take that action.

 

And where oh where have I ever made excuses based on gender...... PUHLEEZE!

 

Besides cases of the habitual cheater, are you saying the Husband in the case of a cheating wife had nothing to do with that woman's decision to cheat or the wife in the case of the cheating husband. Is there a counter on this website that will total the number of threads posted by men who are stuck in a sexless marriage or the total number of threads where women say their trap in a marriage with a uncaring, abusive, or lazy man?

[a4a]

Besides cases of the habitual cheater, are you saying the Husband in the case of a cheating wife had nothing to do with that woman's decision to cheat or the wife in the case of the cheating husband. Is there a counter on this website that will total the number of threads posted by men who are stuck in a sexless marriage or the total number of threads where women say their trap in a marriage with a uncaring, abusive, or lazy man?

 

If my H is not meeting my needs (been there) I can choose to cheat or not, I choose- not my H.... if his neglect causes me to want to cheat..... sure he has something to do with it, but ultimatley I decide to take my own pants off or not. There are other options besides cheating when you are not having your needs met.... including divorce.

 

You know both of the threads would probably total to a much lower number if people would stop expecting their spouses to "guess" what the hell their needs are....... tell them, show them, make them understand. But one can decide to keep their pants on during this process.

[CynicalP]

Divorce is more favorable to women than men.

[Jersey Shortie]

I really don't blame the women, I put more of the blame on the overzealous lawyers that presuade the woman the current laws are in her favor and she should take FULL advantage of them.

 

Please. Alot of women know exactly what they are doing. Some deserve to get what they get and some don't. But to blame the lawyers is lame. And I am a chick saying this.

[Moose]

There are other options besides cheating when you are not having your needs met.... including divorce.

Interesting....what would you say to someone who doesn't believe in divorce? Divorce isn't an option?

[serial muse]

These decisions are not made in a vaccum free from circumstances. There is always a cause and effect mechanism.

 

 

I like how all you ladies are patting each other on your backs and saying "you go girl" but are removing the woman from the equation.

 

Wow, aren't you the paranoid cynic. a4a is a woman, therefore I think it's okay to call her something feminine, such as "sister." Oprah has exactly zip to do with it.

 

To reiterate, i was specifically referring to this comment:

 

"People cheat on People for a variety of reasons..... but ultimatley they are responsible for that decision to do so."

 

Clearly you are unfamiliar with my history of posting and my story, so whatever with the knee-jerk reaction. But still. How can you possibly argue with that statement, unless you want to argue just for the sake of arguing? Are you, yourself, a cheater?

[Art_Critic]

Interesting....what would you say to someone who doesn't believe in divorce? Divorce isn't an option?

 

Moose.. if you don't believe in Divorce then you don't believe in what most married couples believe in..

I think you mean that you choose to not exercise the option of divorce. Divorce is a reality of life today.

 

for example.. Divorce IS an option to you.. if you chose to take that option..

 

To me it was a last resort.. I had to wait until my life was at risk before I filed.. that and couple to it all the bad in the relationship.

 

Isn't a marriage about getting your needs met in some form or another ?.. well if you don't get your needs met then moving on to a relationship where you do might be something to look into..

 

If a supplier of yours is missing his deadlines and backorders stuff on you then charges you high prices for crappy service and after you call them out on the carpet and they keep up the same bad service do you not replace them with a new supplier ?....

[EnigmaXOXO]

Interesting....what would you say to someone who doesn't believe in divorce? Divorce isn't an option?

 

If Divorce wasn't an option … but committing adultery was … I'd say that person placed more value on the 'marital contract' than the actual human being they were married to.

 

People aren't papered possessions. And I would sooner spit on a contract than in the face of someone I was supposed to care for and protect.

[alphamale]

for example.. Divorce IS an option to you.. if you chose to take that option..

its a valid option for all married couples. and its exercised quite frequently. thats why its probably better for a man to stay unmarried.

 

To me it was a last resort..

its a last resort for everyone. few get married to get divorced on purpose.

 

Isn't a marriage about getting your needs met in some form or another ?..

tangentaly....I think PG was saying that men don't really need to get married to get most of their needs met in todays society. Maybe 50+ yrs ago men did need to marry but they really don't have to now.

 

If a supplier of yours is missing his deadlines and backorders stuff on you then charges you high prices for crappy service and after you call them out on the carpet and they keep up the same bad service do you not replace them with a new supplier ?....

I dont' know if you can compare a supplier with a wife. First of all you're not emotionally involved with the supplier and you also aren't banging the supplier and the supplier isn't the mother of your kids.

 

If men do end up getting married I think they should fulfill all their obligations. But I would recommend men not marry to begin with because its really an un-natural state for them.

[MySugaree]

Marriage/ monogamy is an unnatural state especially given biology and the long life expectancies here in the West.

 

 

Marriage is about control, discipline and regulation: All part of the Wedding-Industrial Complex with the goal of disciplining, regulating and controlling male sexuality so that the yoked men will work hard, buy much and increase the GDP.

 

Under this oppressive social structure it is no surprise that MONOGAMIST hegemony brings out the worst in so many: LoveShack is testament to that.

[a4a]

Interesting....what would you say to someone who doesn't believe in divorce? Divorce isn't an option?

 

Well I guess you could request the a stoning of the cheating spouse?

 

Then you shut up and live with it if you choose not to believe in divorce if there is no other way around it. Choice.

Again a choice to not believe in it/divorce.

 

Not a damn thing wrong with realizing you are with a turd and kicking them out of your life. Clarify "turd" being a male or female turd.... or for that matter a gay turd.

[alphamale]

Under this oppressive social structure it is no surprise that MONOGAMIST hegemony brings out the worst in so many: LoveShack is testament to that.

hear hear brother

[Art_Critic]

I dont' know if you can compare a supplier with a wife. First of all you're not emotionally involved with the supplier and you also aren't banging the supplier and the supplier isn't the mother of your kids.

I didn't mean to make it sound as if I believe that a marriage is a supplier/consumer relationship.. of course emotions and kids as well as financial obligations are in place that are not in a supplier/consumer relationship..

 

But.. in it's simplest form without emotions or kids, a marriage is a supplier/consumer relationship to a point..

If it wasn't then there would be no divorces.. and everybody would just live with what they have and the situation that sits before them.

 

Sometimes when making a decision it helps to break it down to a simple form and work from there.

 

Then again.. I'm in the middle today of dealing and renegotiating with a huge supplier of mine today so maybe my viewpoint is skewed..

[justagirlforever]

These decisions are not made in a vaccum free from circumstances. There is always a cause and effect mechanism.

 

 

I like how all you ladies are patting each other on your backs and saying "you go girl" but are removing the woman from the equation.

 

Don't make some feeble cop-out excuse. "oh, but the circumstances left me no choice to react in this way". Yeah - whatever. That's a rubbish feeble excuse. We each have a choice how to react to circumstances. Sometimes that choice is limited, but there's always a choice.

 

(I don't need to pat anyone on the back btw. )

[luvtoto]

Then again.. I'm in the middle today of dealing and renegotiating with a huge supplier of mine today so maybe my viewpoint is skewed..

Just tell Walmart to kiss your ***!

[CynicalP]

Wow, aren't you the paranoid cynic. a4a is a woman, therefore I think it's okay to call her something feminine, such as "sister." Oprah has exactly zip to do with it.

 

To reiterate, i was specifically referring to this comment:

 

"People cheat on People for a variety of reasons..... but ultimatley they are responsible for that decision to do so."

 

Clearly you are unfamiliar with my history of posting and my story, so whatever with the knee-jerk reaction. But still. How can you possibly argue with that statement, unless you want to argue just for the sake of arguing? Are you, yourself, a cheater?

 

 

Hear, hear. Represent, sister.

 

You go girl ... Semantics.. Watch a episode of Orpah, especially any episode that has a he said/ she said senario. Observe the women's reactions and you'll should understand the reference.

 

My point to a4a quote is how a person reacts to their envirnoment impacts the decisions that they make. Sure people can choose not to cheat, but if they were in a good relationship and their needs being met by the other partner the person making the decision is less likely to do so. She's right that ultimately that person is responsible for that decision but there where causal factors that help contribute to that decision in the first place. There are two sides to every story and as I said no decision is made in a vacuum which I believe also to be true. You cannot dismiss nor ignore those causal factors.

 

To answer your question, No, I have never cheated on anyone. To share some of my life story, My father cheated on my mother with multiple women. I hated my Father for the longest time. I was just a teenager when my Mother discovered the truth and it was devasting to her. My parent seperated for about five years, but as soon as I left home my father moved back in with Mom. They never divorced because as catholics they are taught divorce is not an option.

 

Now before you label father as just a cheater also know the good qualities he possessed. He was a loving, hard working, and very devoted to his family. He did whatever he could to ensure that his wife and kids where well feed, comfortable, and free from want. He was heavily involved with his church and helped out his community whenever he had a spare moment. He would never purposely hurt anyone. Overall he has a decent, moral man, but he was also human.

 

Now that I am in a sexless marriage, I can understand why my father decided to cheat. My mom while I never discussed it with her (sex was never mentioned in my household ever.), probably only had sex in order to have kids. I doubt she fulfilled my Dad sexual needs at all. My Dad being a relatively attractive man and more importantly very successful man, falter to the temptations. He made that decision that alot people try to rationalize in the heads that they can satisify both their marriage obligations and satisfied their phyiscal/sexual needs. Unfortunately, despite his discreetness his history caught with him and my Mom did discover the truth.

 

So I understand the dilemma in a new light now. My mom made the decision to ingore his needs and He made the decision to find relief of his needs outside his marriage. Knowing the character of my father, if my mother did satisfy his needs I doubt he would have made that decision to cheat. I have forgiven my father but I have learned from his mistakes.

 

Clearly you are unfamiliar with my history of posting and my story, so whatever with the knee-jerk reaction.

 

Your absolutely right I don't know your life story should I be aware of your history before I can make a comment?

[justagirlforever]

I can clearly see why I really must stay away from the "The Other Man / Woman" section. And I'll try to restrain myself from posting my view on that subject - because (just thinking about it makes my blood boil) it's a section where each will fight their own little corner to death.