Guest Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 My parents have made tons of mistakes involving alcohol, drugs, rehab, physical absuse in front of me, the police coming to our house, affairs with spouses of relatives and family friends, abortions of illigitimate chidren, multiple affairs, emotional abuse of myself (putting me down in many ways)... all of which nobody would ever guess. they look perfect from the outside. i found out about many of these things when i was very young (8,9) and some in my teens. i RESENT my parents. the worst part is, i have NEVER received any sort of apology from one of them, and the other claims that i should "not blame anything on them" i feel that they are incredibly selfish. when i have children i will put nothing before their well-being. this has resulted in incredible insecurity issues with myself. i always need someone there (a boyfriend) and feel as though i am never good enough for anyones love or attention, or even friendship. i often feel completely alone i HATE when people say "oh, your mom (or dad) i s so nice" or "youre so lucky". they put on ridiculous fronts for other people meanwhile having broken my heart. i want to slap them across the face everytime i hear somebody say this WHY dont they accept responsibility??? and the worst part is, whenever something negative happens to one of them (ex. one got life-threateningly ill), i have to pretend to LOVE them. how can i love someone who put me through that? well now that they have a life threatening illness it would be completely awful of me not to love them right? i dont know how to feel about them at all. i really feel unattached to them. and i blame them for my insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Wow, I think those things are well beyond 'mistakes'... Some people are just bad, evil, stupid, call them whatever you want and never change...there is nothing you can do about that But you can take care of yourself and live a normal life, get away from your crazy parents if that's what you need to do, cut them off instead of pretending to love them. Don't worry about what other people will say, they haven't grown up with them you have if they won't believe or support you it's their loss... Link to post Share on other sites
Lost_forever Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Hi, I don't know if this helps, but first things first. At least you've taken note of all their mistakes and KNOW how to not mess with your child. That in itself is a positive thing right? You know before you've even has kids (I'm assuming you don't) that you will be a better parent. Also I think that anger and hatred and especially resentment only eats at YOU making YOU and only YOU ill. It has no effect on them. Beileve me, they will one day realise the damage they have done. You being angry at them they can handle. But you being underestanding and compassionate will in the end make them see sense and find there consiounse. I think if you just come to terms with the fact that they are selfish parents and this will never change, you can move on and just love them for who they are. Take comfort in the fact that you are a good person and the only sane on in the family. Maybe it because of you the family are still together. Take comfort in that and believe in it. Just be you and eventually you'll find peace even if others don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Steaminx Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 My parents pretty much broke my heart as well. My mother is this addicted to money and uses me to get as much as possible (still claiming me on taxes even though I don't live with her any longer/dis-allowing me to claim myself). In one case i needed financial aid to go to college, and she (the only one who could help me at the time) wouldn't help unless I agreed to lie to a company and say I lived with her so her rent could be cheaper. After I agreed she helped me with financial and then told me I should send money to her every week just for the sake of her being my mother. I was always pissed at my father for leaving when I was young, but as I got older (I'm 20 now) I realize why he left. My mother is very manipulative and money hungry-so I don't blame him any longer. Somehow parents think they get a free pass for apologizing just because they gave birth to you. I am very happy I was born, but I can't help but think I was just an extra $2500 for taxes every year, more-so than a child. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Your parents sounds terrible, you don't have to pretend to love them, too much stress. but all hurt they done to you are all PAST. Can you blame PAST? They didn't give you enough love and secure because they themselves don't have love and secure in the first place, so how can they give you the things they don't have? but now YOU can do something about your insecurity rather than find reasons why. People's self-esteem depends on what degree they know themselves. Lots of people don't know the love inside of them. in fact every one of us is unique and amazing art piece, maybe you should find out who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
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