!! Why did he just totally dissappear things were perfect

[sweetie91589]

Ok..soo i started seeing this guy..i am 18 and he is 23..not a big deal bc i have an id and can do stuff he can do too..we had like this chemistry before we even hung out yet..My friend is dating his younger brother who is 20 and she lives with them--this is how we met. I went over there one day to hang out with my friend, and him and i met and just had this weird mutual attraction like when you are little and have a crush on a friend's brother or something. Anyways, later on he told my friend to fix us up--i also told her the same. The next Friday night we talked on the phone for an hour and a half..and made plans 2 go out the following Sat night to have a couple drinks. Well, we did. We got together around 7 and headed out. We had a great time..it wasn't at all uncomfortable, it felt like we had known eachother for a very long time--because thats how well we connected. We both decided that we didnt want to sleep together right away because we were really liking the way things were going. However, towards the end of the night we both had a little too much to drink and neither one of us had had sex in months sooo...you can kinda guess what happened..Anyways, i ended up staying over his house and we spent the whole next day together. He was VERY cuddley with me, even around his parents. We had a really good day, we took it easy ordered food in and just chilled and got to know eachother more. (He even told his mom he really liked me) Well Sunday night when it was time for me to go home he asked me if i wanted to hang out Monday as well--i said sure, i figured i wouldn't seem needy because he was the one initiating it. We did our own thing monday until about 7 pm and we hung out from then until 10. Again, everything went great. He told me although he had only known me for a short time, he really liked me a lot and felt a connection and would make future plans with me..example he said he would like me to go up north with him one weekend to go snowboarding. We hung out Tuesday as well and he slept over, hung out all day Wed..everything was really perfect. By the way--he was the one ALWAYS initiating the plans! Thursday he said he was going to look for a job in with his friend and that he'd be home later and give me a call--he called me at 9*30 at night and said he was just going to stay at his friends apartment bc they were at a bar. I was cool about it. He asked me to hang out Friday, i said probably and that i'd give him a call when i figured out what was up. I didn't hear from him all day Friday and he never came back to his hose according to my friend. I called him and left him one voicemail..and i never heard back from him. Sat. evening he texted me and asked me to hang out. I said i had other plans (because i did not want to look too available) I went out with a few of my friends and got really bored when i got home at 11 so i ended up having him come get me. He picked me up--so i didnt have my car and we hung out with some of his friends. I was a little cold towards him at first because he blew me off Friday and never told me why. He was ALLL over me in front of his friends--he was a little buzzed..but still. It's as thought he was trying to claim me? Anyways, we went back to his house around 2*30 am and went to his bed..and just talked until about 6 am. Nothing sexual..just talking. The talk went awesome..he just explained that he took off to his friends apartment and didnt call me back because he was afraid things were getting to serious--he said when things are going really well he gets nervous and pulls away....I dont understand this???? is it normal?

SO after that was all squared away with--i told him that i have some trust issues with guys and that i really like him i just dont want to play games and get hurt. He said he really liekd me too and saw this going somewhere good. We had this like amazing kiss too--and he even was like "wow that felt really good".

 

BY THE WAY** im throwing this in as well...we had sex a lot..but it was not all about sex, it was only because it was absolutly mind blowing sex..for both of us..it was just good chemistry..we also cuddled a lot..had good conversations and did fun things together--So i wasn't being used.

He also said that i was "Very pretty, determined, smart, funny, and wealthy && asked why i would want to hang out with a "guy like him".--What is that supposed to mean? i know sometimes it means they r trying to tell u they dont like you--but i dont think that was the case..

 

 

But back to my story, after the long talk we fell asleep. We slept til the afternoon and he was awake before me. When i got up, he was in the shower..since my friend lives there too i went into her room and was hanging with her for a few. Well--he was packing up some stuff..and i was like what r u doing?? and he's like ohh im just going to go snowboarding. He knew he had to bring me home bc i didnt have my car--so i figured he'd come get me in my friends room before he headed out. Well..NOPE he just LEFT!!! stranded me there! how weeeirrd is that!? So i was pissed..my friend called him (behind by back) and left him a voicemail being like "why did u just leave her here u ******* u knew she needed a ride"--since he's like a brother to her.. And he called and left her a voicemail and was just like "OMG im soo sorry i dont know where my head was i totally wasnt thinking please try and find her a ride home for me". So i got a ride home...and never heard from him that night..no phone call, no apology, nothing. Well Monday came around, didnt hear from him..I never contacted him--not even once because that would be pathetic on my part. Tuesday came around STILL no phone call--i got sick of playing games so i sent him a text just one text not even a phone call at like 4*00 and just simply said "whats up?". No reply..thats the last contact i made with him and he still hasnt called and its 9*00 pm on Wednesday night. Whattttt is going on?!?! Everything was PERFECT and then out of NOWHERE ...no contact!

 

 

I wonder if it has to do with this:

 

He moved to NC for golf in the fall--he met a girl there that he REALLY liked. They went out for 3 months and he stayed at her parents house with her for a little bit bc he had no place to stay down there. They broke up in December--beginning of December--Maybe even November actually..and He moved back to NH because he had no place to live, and his mom got sick. He told me about her but all he said was "We still talk, because we're friends still." However..We are in NH...thats like 14 hours apart. So its not liek they see eachother. His friend told my friend that he was "still with her"

butttt..idk..his mom said that he told her that he didnt know WHAT his and her deal was..they just talk still.. I wonder if he's afraid to start anything with me because of it?

WHY was he messing with me?? everything seemed so real...

 

 

Do you guys think he will ever call? And why do u think he hasn't yet? I was not needy or clingy or anything..How long should i wait for him to call? And if he does finally call i wasn't sure if i should make myself unavailable..or available? OR if i should mention anything to him about his ex?

 

Ughhhhhh so stressful... =(

Im sorry this is so long..but any advice would just help me so much!

[konfuzd]

Frustrating isn't it? I wish I could be more positive, but I just went through a very similar situation.

 

I also met the guy through a friend. We hit it off instantly, things were phenominal. Everyone who saw us together commented on how perfect we were for eachother, sex was amazing, it was like the stars were in alignment.

 

He was full of compliments, even to the point of telling me I was everything he looks for in a girl, and he could sense that we would be seeing a lot of eachother... blah, blah, blah...

 

The last time I saw him was new years day, I had spent the night at his house, and when I left in the morning, he left me with an amazing kiss, and "I'll see you soon, babe".

 

After that, we had a few conversations on msn, but that was all. I phoned him one night because I was at my friend's place which is right down the street from him, and I was going on a trip the next day. He said he had plans, tried to get off the phone ASAP.

 

It was his birthday a week after I got home, and I had bought him a few gifts while I was away. I knew he was having a big party, since he had mentioned it on our first date. After I got home, he asked how my trip was via msn, but had to go right away. I never got invited to the party, even though most of my friends were there. I have bumped into him a couple times since, and we have just exchanged awkward small talk, but I never got the opportunity to ask him what happened because we were with friends, and wasn't a place to start a conversation like that. He has blocked me on msn, making me feel as though I've done something awful.

 

Anyhow, sorry for the long post, not trying to hijack your thread, just letting you know that others are feeling the same frustration. I don't think you should hold onto hope that this guy will have a change of heart, and if he's going to disrespect you like that, is he really worth the effort? I think not. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Hold out for something better.

[norajane]

It was really, really thoughtless and rude of him to "forget" you were there and needed a ride home. If it weren't for that, I'd tell you not to worry and that he probably just needs a little breathing space - it's only been a few days, after all, and you two were spending wayyyyy too much time together for such a new relationship.

 

But he was unforgivably rude - I don't think you should be wondering why he hasn't called, but why you are so eager to hear from him.

[sweetie91589]

Konfuzd...thanks its really nice to know im not the ONLY one it happens too... its just so hard to understand tho! like didn't it just aggravate u for liek the longest time...cuz ur just like what could i have possibly done wrong?! ughhh guys r rediculous!! Did you ever try contacting him again after he blocked u on MSN?

[sweetie91589]

But he was unforgivably rude - I don't think you should be wondering why he hasn't called, but why you are so eager to hear from him.

 

 

 

i totally agree...but for some reason, it's so hard for me to just walk away...because im so pissed about what he put me through these past couple days..like all the worrying ...and the way he lowered my self esteem...i just want him to like ..call me soo i can just blow him off.. i know it sounds immature but it makes me feel like im not the one whos being rejected..u know? no one lieks rejection...

[konfuzd]

Did you ever try contacting him again after he blocked u on MSN?

 

Nope. That was the point I figured out he wasn't worth my time or efforts. Onto bigger and better things!

 

and you two were spending wayyyyy too much time together for such a new relationship

 

He was the one setting that pace, and initiating all the plans. She then gets punished for agreeing to them? I think that's bunk. If a guy doesn't want to rush things, he shouldn't lead her on as if things are going wonderfully, or at least have the balls to step up and say something, like he wants to cool down or whatever, what does dissapearing suddenly do for either of them? He is at fault here, Sweetie, you did nothing wrong, please don't blame yourself. If he contacts you again, tell him your not interested in seeing him again until he grows a pair. That's my plan!

 

I say just forget about him, and find someone who will treat you with respect and not play the head games.

[sweetie91589]

i know right! haha guys think theyre so tough but in reality whenever it comes to confrontation..not all but SO MANY just like dissapear and avoid you..seriously grow some balls..all he has to say is "im going thru a lot right now and i dont want to get into anything"...watever dont just avoid people. lol i wonder what the hell goes through people's heads sometimes. i dont think i could just leave someone at my house either...thats like really weird...you dont do that with someone unless they are like stayin at ur house for like a few weeks or something..

 

Dont u feel like u r attracted to *******s a lot of the time though?? I mean i really liked this kid..but i always had a weird gut feeling...and that feeling got me more interested... Some guys r just too nice & its such a turn off..cuz its just too easy!

[glitzy55]

No one just forgets to leave someone some place..come on now:rolleyes: You're 18..I've been there..and he's also older. All the compliments..well u have sex with him of course hes gonna say that. I'm not trying to be mean or anything but this whole deal bw u and him seems to be about sex and that's it. This all occurred in what like a weeks time. I wouldn't look too deep into anything if I was u.

[sweetie91589]

lol im so dumb.. cuz i know ur like so right..and i prob knew it all along but wont admit it to myself bc obv i hoped for more than that...i just wish guys would cut the ****... i mean obv theyre not gonna just come out n say "hey uhh i just wanna get laid" But i mean..he didnt need to say all this BS to me for no reason..i mean he was the one initiating all the personal talk..soo unnecessary.. I just didn't get why he'd talk to his mom about me & stuff..weird..

[sweetie91589]

im not trying to sound pathetic..seriously but NATURALLY after all the bull he fed me.. the more and more time that goes by...i get more aggitated..cuz it hasnt been long enough to where i know he wont call..but im like WHY hasnt he called or texted or ANYTHING?..

also.. it's hard for me to keep my cool bc im so pissed that i just wanna text/call him just to say "what is going on?"..cuz ive been pretty good i havnt even TRIED calling at all..not once...just 1 text..yesterday ..no reply..soo i dont send anymore.. but ive been good and a LOT of girls will lose their cool and call and be like u r an @$$HOLE! --from the min he left them stranded at his house..

 

doesn't he realize that?? i mean, i wonder if i or the situation has crossed his mind AT ALL??

[Kamille]

Yes it is and you are crossing his mind, the mysterious guy mind (and they say we're complex!), only to provoke feelings of guilt and his own reaction to this guilt is to try and ward it off with steaming indifference. He is drowning in a sea of his own doing.

 

It sounds to me like your guy meant what he said (compliments and all) until he scared himself off and could no longer deal with his own feelings. Buddy has got some growing up to do. It's just too bad you were on the receiving end of it.

 

The most honorable thing for you to do in front of such a f***** up guy is walk away and I'm glad you know that.

 

He messed up. You deserve better.

[sweetie91589]

seriously...that helped so much...he prob does feel guilty soo hes prob tryna forget about that by hangin out w friends and trying not to think about me so much... i dnt see how ppl get scared of their own feelings tho if its not a bad person to like..esp if ur like a 22 yr old male..grow up.. ur right i do deserve better. thanks soo much!!

[Star Gazer]

because im so pissed about what he put me through these past couple days..like all the worrying ...and the way he lowered my self esteem.....

 

HE didn't "put you through" this. You did it to yourself... and your self esteem was suffering long before this guy came around.

[Guest]

Don't you think that is a rather harsh comment, Star Gazer, considering your own insecurities with men? It's not like your post history is private. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

 

HE didn't "put you through" this. You did it to yourself... and your self esteem was suffering long before this guy came around.