Sensitive about talk about past

[pinkroses]

My boyfriend and I have been together a year 1/2. When we were first dating he pretty much told me all about himself including his past relationships. That was fine with me, I prefer this stuff all come out in the beginning of a relationship, that way there's no surprises or hurt feelings down the line as you grow to care more for someone. The problem is, he is still bringing people up, and not for any good reason. I feel like I'm being compared with women from his past, or like he still thinks fondly of these people. They're all long gone, but I feel like they're still a part of our daily lives. I realize at 41 there is a good span of past for a man to reflect on, but does he need to verbalize every detail to me? He and his sister both think I'm being too sensitive, but I think I'm just being normal. What woman wants to hear about other women's good traits, especially bedroom ones? Nor do I want to hear how much fun he had with or how much he cared for anyone else, no matter how long ago it was. I do tend to be insecure, but it's mainly because I grew up being put down all the time, and also because I'm shy and I have very little experience with relationships and I'm also very un-endowed. I am very attractive but I always feel inferior to other women, especially those with big upper stories. My boyfriend's comments only add to my insecurity. It doesn't happen all the time, but enough that I've had to call him down on it a few times. He says he'll try to be more careful, but he also gets mad, like he shouldn't have to. I feel like when you care for someone you're more concerned with being kind and considerate to them (within reason) than to keep up a habit that is hurtful. I've really tried to let a lot of talk slide, and be cool about everything, but sometimes I just can't stand the hurt it causes and I have to say something.

[Ally Boo]

Yeah it's insensative and kinda sick. He already thinks you are being too sensative about it. I don't think you are. The fact that he doesn't recognize the fact that it hurts you, and he continues to do it tells me 2 things. 1) either you haven't completely expressed to him how deeply it bothers you....or 2) He's just an insensative b*stard that you need to run from!

 

I would try one more time to show him how much it hurts you. If it does no good, then run.

 

In the month and a half that me and my ex bf were togehter, I had changed my hair color, and style. When I realized what was going on, I was in shock. He turned out to be a control freak...who ended up sending me a box of things that reminded him of me...including my hair from a hairbrush that I used at his house.

 

Your bf might be obsessive too. That's why I would advice you to talk to him one last time, and if not RUN.

[butterflyz]

of controlling you. when a man consistently brings up the exes, especially in a sexual or admiring way, it's his way of trying to make you feel off base, so that you'll go along with him

 

so, in reality, he's the insecure one because he feels the need to do this. and.....he's doing it at your expense. psychologically he is causing you damage, you just don't know it....it's called selfish.

[Just A Girl2]

I've been in long term relationships with 3 men who were like this....one was my ex husband, who used to "hit me below the belt" by throwing in my face that all of his exes could have roof shattering orgasms, and I was a loser because I couldn't.

 

The last guy I was in a serious relationship with..he was more subtle. Would bring up the fact that his ex gf had owned a Lingerie shop and all the sexy lingerie she used to wear for him, and subtle suggestions that I TOO should wear lingerie (to the point of being pushy, and mocking me because I'm not a lingerie type person). To make a long post shorter, he'd subtly, over time, try to make me into his ex wife...from the way I dressed to the way I did my hair. He would also bring up exes and tell me things about them, things I didn't ask to know.

 

Guys like that are rude, insensitive and assh*les. As far as I'm concerned, they're not going to change any time soon. You can't make an insensitive jerk into a sensitive gentleman.

 

I can totally relate to how you feel and what you're having to deal with. He's trying to manipulate and control you...and knock down your self confidence and self esteem......which could be putting you onto the path for him to be physically abusive to you, down the line (abusive men start out very subtly....they say and do things they know will hurt you and upset you.....to make you feel that you're "hypersensitive" or paranoid....that's just the start).

 

Do you know for a fact that his sister ALSO thinks you're being overly sensitive? What, cuz he TOLD YOU she thinks so? Or did she tell you to your face? Regardless, though....what matters is ONLY how you're being made to feel. To hell with what he, his sister or anyone else thinks.

 

A good partner is someone who has some diplomacy and tact. Bringing up his exes like he's doing, regardless of how long ago he was with them, is tacky and disrespectful.......and you shouldn't even HAVE to tell him that you don't appreciate him doing it. He should know better.

 

When you're in a relationship with someone, you should be doing and saying things that build your partner up, not tear them down or make them feel awkward/upset/self conscious/insecure/judged/compared/inadequate.

 

For him to mention, even in the slightest, things he did in the bedroom with exes, or how THEY were in the bedroom..he sounds like a first rate butthole.........and I would encourage you to just end things. There's no reason or need to 'give him a second chance' here. A good guy wouldn't have done this to begin with. He's shown you just what a pr*ck he is, and the sad but honest truth is that he can't change who he is. All he'll end up doing is resenting you......because he feels that he has to be so careful what he says around you.......and he'll make you feel like you're some kind of weird 'prude'.

 

You deserve so much more. I've been in your shoes....and for the first couple of relationships/with guys like this, I tried to give them a chance..and give them the benefit of a doubt..and I tried telling myself that maybe I was 'just too insecure'....and that I needed to 'more openminded'........but things just got worse, and they simply never understood how they were hurting me. Jerks like this simply can't change.

 

I wish you the best, and I hope you can muster up the self worth and self esteem to see that you deserve a much better partner.

 

Ask yourself this.........would YOU be this way to a guy you were in a serious relationship with? No. So why would you have to put up with it from someone? Answer: you shouldn't.

[butterflyz]

you speak the truth.