boshemia Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I have spent my life in abusive relationships and I've reached the point where I am sick to death of all the drama and angst so I'm just working on fixing myself. I'm in counseling and my counselor tells me that he is coming to realize that I am just living my life scared of everything. Then he tells me he feels like I have intimacy issues. I'm not going to argue with him, I mean some of my posts here confirm it a hundred times over. What I don't get is how we can be talking about trying to prevent abuse from recurring AND work on intimacy issues at the same time. I want to prevent being reabused by my ex, and he seems to want me to work on my intimacy problems with him. I'm perfectly happy being unintimate at the moment, it means I don't get hurt for now. I am aware that I don't leave the house without being pushed pulled or dragged out, I like it that way. I am aware that I am avoiding contact with everyone but immediate family, I like it that way as well. Eventually I'll get back into life, but right now I'm not ready. Don't we all have some intimacy issues? How can you work on initmacy issues and avoid being reabused at the same time? WTH? Link to post Share on other sites
Raleuse Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I too have intimacy issues, tho probably not the same. Actually, I'm not sure what you mean by intimacy issues in your case but I guess you just don't want to have sex anymore because you are afraid of being hurt. Those issues seem to be the consequence of the abuse. Would it not be better to work on yourself (as I'm doing too) so that you no longer go for the wrong men. I don't think you'd have intimacy issues if the men you have relationships with were loving and respectful. I, for one, have found out quite some time ago that my father's emotional abuse when I was a teenager made more damage than I accounted for. However, my response was to close my heart. I didn't meet anyone I even liked enough to have a relationship with for nearly 10 years. And when I surprised myself with falling in love, it was even worse a choice than before. So back to introspection! There is a couple of books I have been advised to read - I think they need to be combined with counceling tho (I still haven't found myself a therapist but I'm working on it): "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood and "He's scared, She's scared" by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. Apparently they should help me understand my issues better and I'm thinking they might help you too. As for your husband, from what I've read in the other post, I'd be cautious. I'm all for giving people second chances, but not all abusers are able to change and I'm afraid that if he starts abusing you again, you'll have even more issues to resolve, or at least be back on square one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boshemia Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 I think my therapist is talking about intimacy issues in the form of not being able to form lasting relationships, and certainly not healthy ones. They just started affecting me sexually, but that was after therapy started lol... I don't trust myself to make proper decisons, and I don't trust other people to not hurt me. That's where I am right now... not a good combination. Link to post Share on other sites
Raleuse Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Same issues than I then but the advise remains to work on the "origin" of the intimacy problem and not on the problem itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts