Religious mum demands I marry (& I'm 35!)

[PreggiePossum]

So, I'm 35 years old, umarried .. and happily pregnant to a man I have been with for 10 years.

 

My mother is ethnic, controlling and very! Catholic. She is demanding I marry my partner as soon as possible to hide the shame on the family.

 

My partner & I have decided to wait with getting married until after I give birth. We are excited by our first baby and this is our priority.

 

My mother is unconsolable and making all sorts of threats eg. "I won't come to your wedding if you dare to wear white". She is embarrassed about my 'situation', ashamed in front of family and insists that all would be fixed with a 'quickie' wedding.

 

Despite being raised Catholic, I don't feel ashamed - rather pleased that I still have an awesome relationship/partner after 9 years and that we are about to embark on this new experience together. I feel that a quickie wedding would only give the church gossip mongers more to talk about ie. an admission of some sort of 'wrong doing' and am determined to this on my own terms.

 

My mother refuses to support me/our decision and has even called my unborn child a bastard. I am fortunate that my dad & brother are much more supportive - even though they are quite religious - they respect my decision.

 

My mother will not accept this - even with time. Which means I won't hear the end of it & she will throw continuous tantrums in order for us to act the way she expects us too (I'm just foreseeing the issues around Christening the child). She still regularly nags me about the hurt I caused her by moving out of home at 21! Truth be known, it was my only way of regaining sanity - she's a very controlling, manipulative yet very insecure individual.

 

Have you been in such a situation? Know of anyone who has? How have they managed? Must admit I'm a little worried about the stress this is putting me under whilst I am pregnant..

[quankanne]

I've not been in your situation ... well except for the Catholic part, hee. And if you understand the rules and the regs of the Church you know that marriage is considered a sacrament. And that the Church does not want you to come to the altar to receive that sacrament if it is against your will. Even if there's a baby involved.

 

yes, an out of wedlock pregnancy may look bad, but that baby has not done anything wrong, and I presume that your intention is to raise it in the faith, based on what you said about christening/baptism. As far as your little one is concerned, that's the main thing. You don't make his or her existence "right" by rushing into a marriage you're not ready for, even if you're planning to tie the knot later … this is what my devout little Catholic mama told me when my niece was going through a similar situation. Marriage is a serious commitment that you just don't rush into.

 

I'm sorry that your mom feels as she does, but this is your call, not hers. If she cannot respect that ... well, tough cookies. Only you and your mate can make this call.

 

I feel that a quickie wedding would only give the church gossip mongers more to talk about ie. an admission of some sort of 'wrong doing' and am determined to this on my own terms.

 

screw them. The only one who you need to worry about is your child, and he would most likely want to grow up knowing that even though you had him before you married Daddy, you wanted both of them. Eventually, the kid is going to be able to do the math when it comes to his arrival, and once he figures out that you married because you were pregnant, he's going to wonder if that is the only reason you're together (this came from a priest friend, regarding my niece's situation – so he was very concerned about how that would affect the baby).

 

bottom line: it may go against your mom's sense of propriety, but it's a decision that will affect your life directly.

[a4a]

Your life......... your child........ your decision.

 

endostory

 

Never get married or do........

it's all up to you.

[CardPlay3r]

Like a4a said.... your mom seems to be pretty emotionally abusive, I reckon that's why you left home in the first place...

 

You need to put your foot down and make it clear she either stops trying to control your life or you'll have nothing to do with her...she will not change, she's ignorant and judgemental and you can't help that...