Steaminx Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 This is my first post here but I need some serious advice. I've been with my girlfriend for about 11 months now and we're very serious. We met in college and started dating 2 weeks after we met. Things have been amazing but I can't seem to shake one thing--her past sex-mates. Maybe because she's my first love It's hard to shake these past guys off. I get angry and sometimes sad when I think about the guys she's been with before me. Although she was completely honest from the beginning of the relationship, it's just starting to get to me now. Is this because we're about to cross that 1 year mark and I'm shaking in my boots? I love her dearly and would hate to end our relationship over this. What can I do to get over her past "lovers"? I hope someone here has had the same problem and can help me out. Thanks a lot, guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Road Rage Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well, if things are amazing just keep enjoying the relationship and don`t think about the past. One thing that will help to ponder and that is her situation is the norm. You stand a dogs chance in hell of finding a gal that has not been bent and twisted in every sexual manuever possible. It is just the times we live in:( Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm a little concerned that you are still having these thoughts after a year. I would have expected them to subside by about 6 months or so. My concern I think is that this obsession you have with her past is going to manifest in you treating her differently after a period of time. Like it's her fault or something. I know this doesn't sound rational, but emotions never are. Look deep inside and ask yourself if these thoughts you have affect the way you treat her, even if for a moment or an evening. Or even if the thoughts affect your mood around her. If so, then you need to acknowledge that before you can decide where to go next. Take a look and report! Link to post Share on other sites
Virginia Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I feel for you because I have been there,well still am at times. My partner has had his fair share of women,as I have had men but I hate the thought of him being with anyone else but me. I have had some horrid thoughts during sex,wondering if he done what he is doing to me with his past lovers. I have a way of coping with it now though. I think back to MY past sexual experiences and remember it takes NOTHING away from my current partner. I do not want to have sex with anyone else now,I look at my past and wish I could have saved myself for him. My sexual past is not relevant to my relationship now so I try to remember that is is the same for him too. If you love her it would be silly to end the relationship because pretty much everyone you are going to meet will have a sexual past. It is hard but she is with you now,she is not with her ex'es for a reason. She has choosen you,just try to remember that we all have a past,we can't change it so just try to look forward to the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steaminx Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm a little concerned that you are still having these thoughts after a year. I would have expected them to subside by about 6 months or so. She told me about the other guys maybe a month into our relationship. It's just getting to me now - about 10 months after she told me. I'm thinking it's because we're coming to that 1 year mark, but I could be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Google: retroactive jealousy you should find a lot of resources out there on the net to help you out. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I get angry and sometimes sad when I think about the guys she's been with before me. Although she was completely honest from the beginning of the relationship, it's just starting to get to me now. ... I love her dearly and would hate to end our relationship over this. I've been in that boat, too. I hate the thought that my ex was with maybe a dozen guys before me... but it's a part of life. I've had my fair share of women as well. There's nothing you can do about except try your best to move past it. Treat her well, and show her daily why you are the one and only guy in her life. You did say that she was honest about everything, and that speaks volumes. She obviously trusts you enough to share that information with you... even though no guy really wants to hear it. And this is NO reason to end a solid relationship. If it's that big a problem, this is something you should work out on your own or with a therapist. But be secure in the fact that these thoughts cross all guy's minds at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 What can I do to get over her past "lovers"? I hope someone here has had the same problem and can help me out. By remembering that out of all the guys she's known … you are her number one. So far, you must have something the other guys didn't have or she'd still be with one of them instead of you. Quit competing with those mental images and ghosts from the past. You've already won, Romeo. Hands down! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steaminx Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 By remembering that out of all the guys she's known … you are her number one. So far, you must have something the other guys didn't have or she'd still be with one of them instead of you. Very true. She's lovely, and I am the only guy she's been with since we started dating. I trust her 100% and couldn't imagine myself without her. I just need to get over this small hump so we can keep the relationship as healthy as it has been. This forum is really awesome. Your responses are very much appreciated. Keep 'em coming if you have any other input. Link to post Share on other sites
Road Rage Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Steaminx Just keep working on that small hump real hard and everything will be alright:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
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