general confusion about men

[yes]

Hi!

 

I have a vague question here... more of a confusion. I get asked out by a lot of guys, and I'm sort of at a loss as to what they want from me. I know I gotta be cautious because lots of guys just want so screw you, or so I'm told.

 

So they tell you to hold off sex to see what his intentions are. But I know of lots of stories where the guy went all out, for months, just to sleep with the girl, and once he did, he was done. So it sounds like holding it off is no guarantee, although it still sounds like a good idea.

 

I guess all guys are different, at different stages of their life, and there's no way to tell what they want until you date them & get to know them, right?... So all a gal can do is take it slow & watch for red flags. (hehe, that sounds like an obvious answer to my own question, but i'll post this anyway)

 

But when u're asked by a lot of guys, it's just so confusing - I guess I just gotta make an estimate, and give those who seem worth it a chance.

 

Also, when you're getting to know a guy, they seem to think that you're playing games. But I'm simply getting to know them. Not playing hard to get or anything like that... It's crazy in my city, cuz there's such a mixture of cultures. Some guys (like latino) are so much more agressive than others ... So it's easy to get the impression that one guys likes you more than another one because he pursues you more actively, which might be just because of his culture.

 

What do you guys/gals think about all this?

I know it's all a learning process, and i'm not afraid to get hurt, but i am afraid to get pregnant before i can handle it.

 

thanks,

-yes

[Bill]

You're absolutely right! There are some guys that are just out there to sleep with the girl. However, this happens at all ages for guys, but most likely the younger ones. I've played tons of Ice Hockey and hearing the some of the things those guys talk about is unnerving. I've played Ice hockey with people my own age, and people of all different ages. They all sound the same, except the older ones seem to think it's completely normal.

 

I've been tested in relationships before by girls to see if I was just there to sleep with them. I am sure that was what they were doing. One even told me after a few weeks that is what she was doing. I don't know really how you are supposed to test someone. I think the tests went on silently.

 

I believe that the guys out there at clubs and bars are the ones that are trying just to get with someone. I have a few friends that are like that.. who want to goto clubs for just that reason. I hear many other guys say that also.

 

You will never find a guy that doesn't "want" sex though. Assuming no mental problems, there should be desire. There is things that most guys lack though, which is a system designed to keep other systems in check. The guy should know where to draw the line, he should realize when "advances" and things are unwelcome. He should also have the reasoning to deny sex from women who are just looking for sex.

 

I can tell you I'm not the guy looking for sex.

 

I am happy with being with a girl that you can share feelings, thoughts, and concerns with her. It's sort of like a friend that is always on your side. If you need someone, that person is always there. If you are lonely, they make the loneliness go away. Affection for one another only binds these other things. If intimacy results from the affection, then so be it. It should only be there if you truly love each other.

 

I won't ever be caught in a club. I try to find girls through friends, or like I did in the past, the Internet. I'm not too happy with the internet thing anymore, so I've gone to friends. I'm just too shy to do the more open things, like just approaching someone. I've been told by girls that I'm good looking. One girl from the college said I was one of the best looking guys on campus and that I should not be afraid to approach people. I still can't do it. The fear of rejection keeps me at bay.

 

Signs he's after sex.

 

1. If on the first date the guy even goes to touch you in an intimate manner.

2. He makes many remarks about how "hot" you are on the first date.

3. He tries and tries to get you two alone as much as possible, but when you do his first reaction is to go to intimacy.

4. He has condoms in his pocket.

5. He TALKS about sex openly in the start of the relationship.

6. He asks too sexual questions on the first few dates.

7. He talks about how many women he's been with and what he's done with them.

8. He flirts with other women while on a date with you!

9. He talks about how good a woman looks right to you on the first few dates.

10. He makes ANY kind of comment EVER about his member's size.

 

There are so many more, but watch out for these!

[Ally Boo]

I think that was well said!