Where are all the bitter women?

[kitten chick]

What's the difference between jaded and bitter and cynical?

[Trialbyfire]

jad·ed adj.

1. Worn out; wearied: "My father's words had left me jaded and depressed"William Styron.

2. Dulled by surfeit; sated: "the sickeningly sweet life of the amoral, jaded, bored upper classes"John Simon.

3. Cynically or pretentiously callous.

 

bit·ter adj. bit·ter·er, bit·ter·est

1. Having or being a taste that is sharp, acrid, and unpleasant.

2. Causing a sharply unpleasant, painful, or stinging sensation; harsh: enveloped in bitter cold; a bitter wind.

3. Difficult or distasteful to accept, admit, or bear: the bitter truth; bitter sorrow.

4. Proceeding from or exhibiting strong animosity: a bitter struggle; bitter foes.

5. Resulting from or expressive of severe grief, anguish, or disappointment: cried bitter tears.

6. Marked by resentment or cynicism: "He was already a bitter elderly man with a gray face"John Dos Passos.

 

cyn·i·cal adj.

1. Believing or showing the belief that people are motivated chiefly by base or selfish concerns; skeptical of the motives of others: a cynical dismissal of the politician's promise to reform the campaign finance system.

2. Selfishly or callously calculating: showed a cynical disregard for the safety of his troops in his efforts to advance his reputation.

3. Negative or pessimistic, as from world-weariness: a cynical view of the average voter's intelligence.

4. Expressing jaded or scornful skepticism or negativity: cynical laughter.

[johan]

I am a little surprised that there are no posts that I've ever seen where some jilted woman posts and tears down all mankind. Some guys think that women hate men, and that feminism is running rampant and out of control. Some guys think that marriage and even serious dating is just a way for women to take advantage of men. But there are no women on this site who make any claims along those lines.

 

So is it that the man-haters don't express it, but just act on it? Or is it that women are so inherently evil and devious that they don't even know how they really feel about men? Or is it that they don't come to sites like this?

[norajane]

I think you bring up an interesting observation, Johan. I don't know what the answer is. I tend to believe men have a harder time dealing with "failure" - their identities tend to be wrapped up in "success".

 

So when a relationship failure hits them hard, men deal with it by

 

1) expressing anger (which women are taught to suppress),

2) blaming women (men tend to ascribe failure to others (and attribute success to themselves) whereas women tend to blame themselves for failures (and attribute successes to others/the group/couple), and

3) aggressively tearing down all women (while women more "passively" cry, talk about their pain to friends and family, and seek help and comfort from others)

 

My two cents.

[Trialbyfire]

I hate all men because my last relationship sucked. That is all.

[burning 4 revenge]

I hate all men because my last relationship sucked. That is all.

I can identify with that

[johan]

I can identify with that

 

You'll feel better when you get your balls back. Trust me.

[Pyro]

I can identify with that

 

What? That you hate guys because of your last relationship?

[Trialbyfire]

I can identify with that

Ha...I had to double check your profile to see if I had it wrong. Sooo...let me see, you hate all men because your last relationship went south...sooo...

 

Okay, nvm, I'm in uncharted territories right now so best to say...I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope your next relationship turns out for the better...

[Woggle]

Male bashing is so ingrained in our culture that people do not even notice it. Believe me when I say most women hate men and even if they don't say it is quite obvious by their actions. For the past 3 decades people have been telling men to be more sensitive and more like women but all this has gotten us was a 50% divorce rate, 2nd class status in family and divorce court and the utmost contempt and lack of respect for women. Men saying to hell with it and actually saying what we feel about gender is a pretty new thing so on boards like this you have thirty years of pent up energy pouring out.

[Pyro]

Male bashing is so ingrained in our culture that people do not even notice it. Believe me when I say most women hate men and even if they don't say it is quite obvious by their actions. For the past 3 decades people have been telling men to be more sensitive and more like women but all this has gotten us was a 50% divorce rate, 2nd class status in family and divorce court and the utmost contempt and lack of respect for women. Men saying to hell with it and actually saying what we feel about gender is a pretty new thing so on boards like this you have thirty years of pent up energy pouring out.

 

I highly doubt that men acting more sensitive is the reason why the divorce rate is up. Perhaps the reason has to do with men, and women mistreating each other, physically and mentally.

 

Didn't you just claim earlier today that you are not bitter anymore?

[johan]

I'm still waiting to hear more discussion regarding why there are no bitter women here on LS. It's not like they don't get jerked around just as much as men do.

[johan]

Because feminists are not a tiny minority. They control the media, courts, schools and nearly every other institution and they are turning society against men.

 

So I would expect to see some feminists posting on LS. Where are the feminist posts putting down men? Or are the feminists too busy running all our institutions to be posting here?

 

Why Woggle are there no bitter women posting here on LS? Can you list the women (or even PM a list of them to me) who you think hate men?

[lonelybird]

Why bitter? because a woman (or a man) want to change the main core of a man or (a woman) that God intent them to be. Like God made them dog, but their partner want to change them into cat, then resentment born. because people rather ignore who their partner really are than their own perfect imaginations.

[justagirlforever]

I guess we just have to face the fact that men are prone to bitterness, and women aren't.

 

And back on topic - I think you're onto something there

[My Fair Katie]

So I would expect to see some feminists posting on LS.

 

I'm here!

 

Where are the feminist posts putting down men?

 

Not my bag baby, I'd rather build up other women then tear other men down.

 

Or are the feminists too busy running all our institutions to be posting here?

 

I would happily run all your institutions, but my head keeps hitting the glass ceiling. Ouch!

 

Why Woggle are there no bitter women posting here on LS?

 

Can't answer for Woggle, but I suppose I'm a cheerful feminist.

[dropdeadlegs]

Johan, I think this was addressed very early in this thread, but here's my take on bitter females and their seemingly nonexistent posts.

 

Women are generally emotional beings and bitterness is an emotion. Following that idea, you would think that women would have a tendency to be more bitter, however you (and I) do not see that as the case.

 

I believe that is (again, generally) because women analyze and feel their emotions in a much different way than men. norajane explained that best earlier in this thread. Women tend to allow themselves to feel bitterness for a time and then choose to get over it and move on. There are plenty of initially bitter posts, but they often get past the bitterness they experience in order to get back to the feelings we associate with "feeling good." I don't mean to imply that men enjoy feeling bad, but they often get stuck in bitterness and resentment in a nature of blaming someone else, which in turn makes them feel better in a sense.

 

In short, because women often deal in an emotional way, we are often more easily able to process all emotions. Since we allow ourselves to feel wholeheartedly, as society permits us to, we move from stage to stage in grief and loss more quickly. We don't have to hold back emotionally as men are often taught to do. And, yes, women are taught to be forgiving as well.

 

I have certainly been bitter for many months after a particularly bad breakup where I felt my entire family was wronged. Had I felt that it was just me that had been wronged I honestly think I would have gotten over it faster. The resentment that built up within me was more for others, as I am a nurturing person by nature and felt their pain as equally as I felt my own. I am far more forgiving of a transgression against myself than in one against my children. It took over a year to get over something that I could have gotten over in about 4 months. Yet I never felt resentment/bitterness towards men as a whole, just one particular turd.

 

(That's my $20, I'm far too winded for $.02.)

[kitten chick]

norajane explained that best earlier in this thread. Women tend to allow themselves to feel bitterness for a time and then choose to get over it and move on. There are plenty of initially bitter posts, but they often get past the bitterness they experience in order to get back to the feelings we associate with "feeling good."

 

I agree with this. If you recall my posts from just before I left LS I had some seriously bitter ones (for which I was asked not to post anymore but the likes of Woggle can still keep spouting the same BS over and over and over and over again...but I digress). What was done to me then was unbelievably cruel and I will never forget it nor get over it. Now, know that I'm terribly jaded and highly suspicious of men but I also realize that not all men would behave that way, in fact I think most men wouldn't behave that way. While I was at one time (and posted about it) I'm not bitter anymore, I'm not angry anymore, I learned to trust again and I moved on.

[Pyro]

I agree with this. If you recall my posts from just before I left LS I had some seriously bitter ones (for which I was asked not to post anymore but the likes of Woggle can still keep spouting the same BS over and over and over and over again...but I digress). What was done to me then was unbelievably cruel and I will never forget it nor get over it. Now, know that I'm terribly jaded and highly suspicious of men but I also realize that not all men would behave that way, in fact I think most men wouldn't behave that way. While I was at one time (and posted about it) I'm not bitter anymore, I'm not angry anymore, I learned to trust again and I moved on.

 

And you didn't think that it was possible.

 

Thats cool that you were able to move on.

 

Holding in such resentment for the opposite sex seems like it would stress someone out.

[kitten chick]

Ok well I'll be honest, I'm not sure I trusted again and I'm not sure I'll ever trust again, but I'm not bitter. I also think that even if you don't get over it, which I haven't and doubt I ever will, you still have to move on.

[Pyro]

Ok well I'll be honest, I'm not sure I trusted again and I'm not sure I'll ever trust again, but I'm not bitter. I also think that even if you don't get over it, which I haven't and doubt I ever will, you still have to move on.

 

Exactly!

 

The real bitter people seem to live in the past and judge everyone/everything by all their negative experiences.

[serial muse]

I don't know...being on these boards has been wonderful and eye-opening and I feel like I've really learned so much about other perspectives. It's been one of the more educational experiences I've engaged in, and just reading everyone's thoughts has really helped me through some tough times. There are some really amazing people here, who just want to help. Thank you all for that.

 

But while I understand what he's been through, and that he's trying to move on, it's exhausting to read things like Woggle's posts (although he's not the only person who appears to feel this way) about how terrible women (as a whole) are, over and over and over again. I know he's been through a lot, but that he really believes what he writes with his whole heart, that he thinks he's helping people rather than hurting them by engendering more bitterness, is saddening.

 

There are times, I guess I'm saying, when these boards can make me feel quite bitter - when I read posts from men who can so easily magnify betrayal and hurt from one or two women into hatred against all womenkind. I have as much reason as anyone to be angry at one or two people in my life, who happen to be men because that's who I date. But they are individuals, and I promise you, I take them as such.

 

The gender warfare on here really gets me down. I don't understand it, I guess. I've been hurt, and have suffered plenty. But I don't hate men. There's one guy who I'm glad is out of my life, end of story. But there are lots of men I love - there are lots of people I love. I love my BF. I love going out of my way for him and making him happy. And, now that I can see how many angry men are out there, I'm so grateful that my BF appears to be willing to take me on my own merits, rather than approaching me with the preconceived notion that I want to suck out his lifeblood or something and waiting for me to prove him wrong. That's so sick and sad.

[Salicious Crumb]

It seems as though overall, women have an easier time to forgive and forget and just move on, whereas guys seem to hold in their grudges/anger, but that is just how it looks to me.

 

You may be correct there...I don't know. I know I will be angry over my betrayal for a long time.

 

So I think there is some truth to what you said...I'll admit it.

[suchislife]

I'm not bitter. I have reason to be, but I'm not expending the energy...

 

I love men. Always have, always will.

[johan]

So I post a question asking where are all the bitter women, and the only really bitter responses come from men. The women seem hopeful and pretty well-adjusted.

 

It seems to me that men take breakups much harder.