Anaida Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I'm in a curious problem and don't really know what to make of it.As it goes, I've been besties with a guy over the internet for nearly four years now. We've spent hours talking to each other about practically everything, fighting, arguing, joking*etc.We*even met up a few times, and he (along with a few other similarly close virtual friends) became my BFF just like real-life best friends of*mine.The*thing is, I'd always viewed him in a strictly platonic manner right from the start and never harboured any sexual feelings for him, and neither do I now to be*honest.But*from the last year, a common friend of ours has been constantly trying to link the two of us up,saying how perfect we would be for each other, gauging from the similarities in our characteristics (which is true when considered objectively, he and I have a lot in common and would make a compatible couple).Still I laughed it off and never tried to think of it in that manner. In fact, I got extremely irritated whenever the friend tried to bring it up or tease me about it. I, on the other hand, always felt that he had a thing for her (the common friend who teases me), from the way he talked about her in chats or the way he sometimes flirted with her in a joking manner in our Facebook/Yahoo group chats.Basically, that common friend and I both used to pull each others' legs regarding the guy.A month ago, that common friend told me very solemnly that the guy liked me and even gave out a few details regarding what he told her about me.I was thrilled to hear it, but nevertheless brushed it off since I'm not yet ready for a relationship and I didn't try to think of him that way.Still, it gave me a high to know that he liked me.*But after a few days, I began to doubt the words that I'd been told, and therefore I confronted her with interrogative questions, to which she admitted that she had exaggerated a bit and he hadn't really directly told her that he liked me.I was miffed, but let it go.*Today evening, we were talking through phone, and in the course of chat, she admitted that he, indeed, used to like NONE OTHER THAN HER!!!He'd even proposed marriage to her back in 2012 which she had declined since she already had a fiance (to whom she's marriednow.Also, she said that this was the reason they had temporarily stopped interacting post her marriage. She didn't cut him off completely since she didn't want to hurt a good friend, but maintained a distance from him nonetheless.Also, to her admittance, she'd always wanted the two of us together and so she made all those exaggerations that she fed me previously.Now, you might think that I shouldn't really care and feel vindicated since I'd always teased her too, but I didn't.In fact,I got a crushing*blow.No*idea why, but I feel a sort of pain which I cannot describe. As mentioned earlier, I never considered him in that way consciously (save a few idle "what if" moments) and wasn't ready for any relationships, but still I just couldn't handle the news.I keep feeling like "I did NOT need to know this!!!!" Its all in the past; she's happily married and he works out of the country, But its bothering me a lot. I tried to brush it off, but the dumpy feeling refuses to leave me. I confronted her about it, and also let the guy know about it. Now a sort of closure has been achieved, but an uneasy one. Since that day, neither me nor the guy made attempts to get in touch and its been about two months this way. I'm totally conflicted about what to do--- My heart says to try and make him interested in me, but brain commands me to leave it and forget the whole episode. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 You don't feel romantic toward him. He previously proposed to her. That combo tells me the last thing you need is her sloppy seconds. Keep being his friend because you enjoy that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I think she was trying to unload him on you because he had maybe been a little too persistent with her or she felt sorry for him or something. Her lying like that isn't cool, though. Truth is she was probably telling him you had a crush on him too, so some of his actions may have been because of that. You're not really attracted, so I see no reason why you'd want to relight the fire. But if you do, you need to have a sit-down with him and clear the air some more and find out what she was telling him. Maybe if she hadn't meddled, you two WOULD have liked each other more-- or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anaida Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 I think she was trying to unload him on you because he had maybe been a little too persistent with her or she felt sorry for him or something. Her lying like that isn't cool, though. Truth is she was probably telling him you had a crush on him too, so some of his actions may have been because of that. You're not really attracted, so I see no reason why you'd want to relight the fire. But if you do, you need to have a sit-down with him and clear the air some more and find out what she was telling him. Maybe if she hadn't meddled, you two WOULD have liked each other more-- or not. We already talked and cleared the air..He told me that she'd said I had a thing for him. To that I replied, "nope, I only said that, neutrally seen, you would make a compatible partner, but I never really saw you that way". Afterwards I told him how I had begged her not to link him and me repeatedly. It was AFTER all this that we (the three of us) sat down and forged a closure. But I don't talk to her much after that, and me and him haven't contacted each other for a couple of months. I don't know what to make of it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 It is odd. She must have had some reason she benefited from meddling like that. Glad you cleared the air with him. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Well Op, I think the only thing you have to preserve here is one (or possibly two) friendships. Romance seems completely off the table. So how and why would it be a head vs heart thing? As to deceits and misunderstandings.....that should not be so difficult. Nobody cheated on anybody. If at some point in time you decide that the friendship is worth the effort - well then, make the effort! It's too easy to not know something - until you get your information straight from the horse's mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts