Trying to date a busy girl

[somedude81]

Truth be told, I'm already starting to feel that she's a dead end.

 

She's single, super cute and a lot of fun to be with. But it's been hard to actually spend time with her.

 

She says she doesn't have any time to date. Of course if she did, she wouldn't be single.

 

I asked her if there are any days when she has lunch on campus and she does on Tuesday and Thursday. I suggested that we have lunch on Thursday but she said that she eats with her girlfriends, and said I was welcome to join them. I don't know if that's a good idea.

 

There is a chance she may go out dancing on Friday, but it sounds like she might bring a guy friend.

 

I just want to spend some time alone with her. She said that she likes to go hiking. That is something I could do with her. I thinking about texting her and suggesting that we go hiking this weekend. Or I could wait till I see her in class on Wednesday.

[Keenly]

The busiest person on the planet will make time to hang out with some one they like. If she won't even make the time to have lunch with you, then it doesn't look like its going to happen.

 

 

 

Especially when the only thing keeping her from doing it is " she always has lunch with her girlfriends "

[thefooloftheyear]

Dont bother going to lunch with her and her girlfriends....yuck...nothing but a third wheel...maybe they'll even stick you with the bill-what fun..

 

 

I wont get into the why's and how's, but trust me here...If you find someone who is really into you...she'll meet you at 3AM...after she worked a double shift...and she wont make a peep about how tired she is...

 

Move onto the next one..you are correct in your assumption.....dead end city...

 

TFY

[somedude81]

The busiest person on the planet will make time to hang out with some one they like. If she won't even make the time to have lunch with you, then it doesn't look like its going to happen.

 

 

 

Especially when the only thing keeping her from doing it is " she always has lunch with her girlfriends "

 

Well I didn't insist that we eat lunch alone.

 

She said that she eats with her friends and right away invited me to join her. Though I wonder if she said that just to be nice.

[somedude81]

Dont bother going to lunch with her and her girlfriends....yuck...nothing but a third wheel...maybe they'll even stick you with the bill-what fun..

 

 

I wont get into the why's and how's, but trust me here...If you find someone who is really into you...she'll meet you at 3AM...after she worked a double shift...and she wont make a peep about how tired she is...

 

Move onto the next one..you are correct in your assumption.....dead end city...

 

TFY

 

I know she's not really into me. But nobody ever is. It's been a long time since I even got this far with a girl.

 

If I write her off without trying, I don't know how long it will be till I find another girl.

[ThaWholigan]

I know she's not really into me. But nobody ever is. It's been a long time since I even got this far with a girl.

 

If I write her off without trying, I don't know how long it will be till I find another girl.

So what if you don't know? She has you situated in acquaintance corner on the outskirts of the Friendzone. Seeing as you're not really interested in being her friend, I'd say find another girl, mate. Spare yourself, you've been down this road before.

[somedude81]

So what if you don't know? She has you situated in acquaintance corner on the outskirts of the Friendzone. Seeing as you're not really interested in being her friend, I'd say find another girl, mate. Spare yourself, you've been down this road before.

 

Ha "acquaintance corner on the outskirts of the Friendzone."

 

I'll have you know I could become full center Friendzone with her very easily

 

Of course I don't want that at all.

 

I do feel that there is something there, but it needs a chance.

 

Also, I haven't had any female company at all since my ex dumped me. It's been 10 months since I spent any time at all with a girl outside of class.

 

Right now there is a girl who knows I'm interested in her, who isn't running away and seems to be at least somewhat OK in spending time with me. Walking away from that just feels stupid.

[xxoo]

Keep flirting and playfully inviting her on dates. Don't hang out with her and her friends.

 

"So, is this the weekend you're going to go on that date with me?" [big smile]

 

Forget busy. If she has time for lunch with friends and dancing on Fridays, she has time for a date. It's just an excuse to avoid a date. Not every woman will have a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. Many wait for someone special.

[Imajerk17]

Hounding a girl while having the mindset that she's your rare chance of getting with a physically cute female, is never a good thing. And it basically never works.

 

I believe this isn't news to you though. Haven't you already tried the above strategy several times with several other girls over the course of your adult life before?

 

It's clear that she has put you in the friendzone. If you are ok with that I'd text her occasionally and flirt with her in class per xxoo's advice while I met other women. Confident chill and non-needy. If you aren't ok with being in the friendzone (or are obsessed with "getting promoted" from it) well then you need to move on.

Edited October 13, 2014 by Imajerk17

[the tank]

It seem a one way relationship ! Stop contacting her.

[somedude81]

Keep flirting and playfully inviting her on dates. Don't hang out with her and her friends.

 

"So, is this the weekend you're going to go on that date with me?" [big smile]

 

Forget busy. If she has time for lunch with friends and dancing on Fridays, she has time for a date. It's just an excuse to avoid a date. Not every woman will have a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. Many wait for someone special.

 

Yeah I'm being very playful with her. I was joking about how far in advance I have to schedule her. Like telling her to pencil me in for a date on December 28th.

 

OK, so you also think it that I shouldn't hang out with her and her friends. Should I tell her that I just want to eat with her, or should I say I can't make it to lunch?

 

At this point I don't think she's trying to avoid going on a date with me. She just doesn't know if she wants to yet.

[MissBee]

Truth be told, I'm already starting to feel that she's a dead end.

 

She's single, super cute and a lot of fun to be with. But it's been hard to actually spend time with her.

 

She says she doesn't have any time to date. Of course if she did, she wouldn't be single.

 

I asked her if there are any days when she has lunch on campus and she does on Tuesday and Thursday. I suggested that we have lunch on Thursday but she said that she eats with her girlfriends, and said I was welcome to join them. I don't know if that's a good idea.

 

There is a chance she may go out dancing on Friday, but it sounds like she might bring a guy friend.

 

I just want to spend some time alone with her. She said that she likes to go hiking. That is something I could do with her. I thinking about texting her and suggesting that we go hiking this weekend. Or I could wait till I see her in class on Wednesday.

 

Does she know you like her?

 

Sounds to me like she just wants to be friends and not necessarily hang out alone. If I liked a guy and he asked me to do lunch I'd do it. Even if I normally do lunch with my girlfriends I can make an exception if I want to get to know a guy.

 

I think this is most women. If a man they're into wants to spend time with them they'll make it happen. Even if they are genuinely busy they will find the time or if what you propose can't work she'll come up with an alternative. If she just says "Sorry I normally do lunch with my girls" it means she's probably not that interested.

[clia]

At this point I don't think she's trying to avoid going on a date with me. She just doesn't know if she wants to yet.

 

Didn't she already tell you she doesn't have time to date?

 

Right now there is a girl who knows I'm interested in her, who isn't running away and seems to be at least somewhat OK in spending time with me. Walking away from that just feels stupid.

 

Why would she run away, though? She's told you she doesn't have time to date. If I told a guy I didn't have time to date, I would assume he understood that meant I didn't have time to date and don't want to date. That would have nothing necessarily to do with whether or not I would be friendly to him or to hang out with him as friends.

 

I just feel like you are setting yourself up for another friend zone scenario that's only going to lead to more hurt for you. If you must keep pursuing this girl, at least also pursue other girls at the same time. Don't get too fixated on her.

[ufo8mycat]

 

At this point I don't think she's trying to avoid going on a date with me. She just doesn't know if she wants to yet.

 

how many girlfriends are we talking. One or two or 10? If it is a small number go to lunch.

 

I would find a guy who kept making no-so-suble comments about wanting to be alone with me a bit confronting. But I don't like people in my space like that.

 

The situation with friends is safe for her. If she doesn't know if she wants to go out with you yet, spend time with her in company and let her get to know you.

 

The worst that can happen is you have lunch. There might even be fun conversation and a few laughs. You don't have to go from zero to 10. An hour of lunch at school isn't a big investment of your time.

[oldshirt]

I say take her up on whatever you can, just don't stop looking for others. Don't focus on her and don't take yourself off the market trying to be with her.

 

Take her up on the offer for lunch with the girls. Then be social and friendly and flirty with them. If one of them seems to be giving you the nod then ask her out too.

 

If she/they friend zone you then have her/they set you up with some of their other friends.

[Imajerk17]

Yeah I'm being very playful with her. I was joking about how far in advance I have to schedule her. Like telling her to pencil me in for a date on December 28th.

 

OK, so you also think it that I shouldn't hang out with her and her friends. Should I tell her that I just want to eat with her, or should I say I can't make it to lunch?

 

At this point I don't think she's trying to avoid going on a date with me. She just doesn't know if she wants to yet.

 

Thats not the kind of playful you want though. By joking about her squeezing you in December the underlying subtext is she is the one who is busy, she is the chooser, while you're just waiting around wondering when you will get a chance with her. Different from the type of playing xxoo was suggesting. In what she was suggesting the underlying subtext is that she is already attracted to you, she just doesn't know it yet.

 

Yeah go to lunch. Its no biggie either way. Maybe you will hit it off with one of her friends!

[oldshirt]

And yes, "busy" is an excuse to keep you at an arms length and not commit to any kind of real date with you.

 

How fast do you think she would clear her schedule if Adam Levine was asking her out?

[Cristo]

Truth be told, I'm already starting to feel that she's a dead end.

 

She's single, super cute and a lot of fun to be with. But it's been hard to actually spend time with her.

 

She says she doesn't have any time to date. Of course if she did, she wouldn't be single.

 

I asked her if there are any days when she has lunch on campus and she does on Tuesday and Thursday. I suggested that we have lunch on Thursday but she said that she eats with her girlfriends, and said I was welcome to join them. I don't know if that's a good idea.

 

There is a chance she may go out dancing on Friday, but it sounds like she might bring a guy friend.

 

I just want to spend some time alone with her. She said that she likes to go hiking. That is something I could do with her. I thinking about texting her and suggesting that we go hiking this weekend. Or I could wait till I see her in class on Wednesday.

 

Is there are reason that you like her besides her being "super cute, single, and fun"?

 

If you're looking for a serious girlfriend, you'll likely want more than that. Also, I'd suggest searching in the 25+ age group if you want something serious.

[BlueIris]

If you don’t have anything better to do, I recommend going to meet the group and having fun without worrying about the hunt. You’ve been invited out. Socialize. Laugh and be friendly. Maybe you’ll enjoy her friends and have a good time. If you have a better offer, then don’t go.

[xxoo]

I don't think there is anything wrong with going out with her friends, except if you are going to construe it as anything other than that: friends.

 

If you are going to get lovesick, don't do it. For your own good.

[somedude81]

Hmm, now there are some mixed answers.

 

It will be her and two other girls. Preferably I'd like to be alone with her, but with her friends would be OK.

 

BTW, I texted her a while ago, "When was the last time you went hiking?" and she didn't reply.

 

And yes, I am trying to pursue other girls.

 

The main reason I don't want to be just friends with her, is that overtime I will fall for her.

[cerridwen]

If you go to lunch with her and her girlfriends, you might as well just arrive in a sun dress.

 

Just.

Just don't do it.

 

I have a feeling you're going to play this out to the bitter end so I'll check back in on Page 111.

[TouchedByViolet]

Are any of her friend's potentials? Could always try getting a number and inviting one of them out.

[somedude81]

So the general consensus is not to have lunch with her and her friends, unless I have a dress.

 

Should I cancel for Thursday or just tell her that I'll buy her lunch so it's just the two of us?

[normal person]

More tough love, SD, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be offensive but from my experience the "no BS" delivery is the best way to put these ideas in your mind.

 

I hate to say it, but I told you so. This girl merely tolerates you. She doesn't want to date you. As someone said, if she liked you, she would make time for you regardless of how busy she is. You getting to talk to her sometimes and hang out with her and her friends sometimes is her consolation prize to you because she feels bad rejecting you. Do you really want her pity? Have some pride. The only way you I see you saving face is to show her how much you don't need to hang out with her. If you ask her to hang out, and she counters with "you can hang out with me and friends, I guess" then you accepting that offer makes you look worse. How do you think she explains that to her girlfriends? "There's this guy who keeps asking me out so I told him he could eat lunch with us because he won't take the hint. Be cool." Do you really want to be that guy?

 

I know she's not really into me. But nobody ever is. It's been a long time since I even got this far with a girl.

 

If I write her off without trying, I don't know how long it will be till I find another girl.

 

Translation: "It's been a long time since someone felt this bad about rejecting me." You're digging yourself deeper into the whole. Her attraction to you isn't contingent on when you'll find someone else. You're making yourself look worse.

 

It will be her and two other girls. Preferably I'd like to be alone with her, but with her friends would be OK.

 

If she wanted to be alone with you, she would be. Having other people there is a strategic move to create a buffer zone and de-sexualize this situation. I've done this to girls myself.

 

BTW, I texted her a while ago, "When was the last time you went hiking?" and she didn't reply.

 

Good lord. If she wanted to hang out with you at all, she would. Does she ever invite you anywhere out of the blue? Or are you doing all the leg work? Does she ever text you without you texting her first? You need to take the hint or you'll likely lose her as a friend too because you'll make it so uncomfortable.

 

I do feel that there is something there, but it needs a chance.

 

Based on what? The fact that she just hasn't rejected you in no uncertain terms yet?

 

Right now there is a girl who knows I'm interested in her, who isn't running away and seems to be at least somewhat OK in spending time with me. Walking away from that just feels stupid.

 

Some girls run away. Some are too nice so they'll put up with you a bit. It doesn't mean she's attracted to you. Thinking otherwise should feel stupid.

 

 

The main reason I don't want to be just friends with her, is that overtime I will fall for her.

 

You need to stop and get out of this situation now for your own sake. I want you to be successful but it's almost like you take joy in digging your own grave.

Edited October 14, 2014 by normal person