Why do guys stare at me but never approach me?

[Ashley S]

Just a curious question, I hope it's ok to post this on here. Lol. Thank you. Especially in bars. I don't get it. Guys will stare at me in bars but never approach me. Or they'll check me out, and still never approach me. Is there a certain vibe that I am giving off? I am a fun, lovable person. I am not stuck up or a bitch. I am shy and quiet even when I drink. I don't really act crazy or anything.

 

I would think guys would approach me more especially because they are drunk, I had a few guys approach me, but most of the time guys just look at me, check me out, or stare at me, but do nothing. Why is that? Why do guys do that? Is it because they think the girl is out of their league? Stuck up? Something else? Please share your input. Thank you!

 

(I do get hit on by douchebags a lot but it's usually over time and they are part of my friends or something, majority of the time though I don't get hit on)

[OwMyEyeball]

Just a curious question, I hope it's ok to post this on here. Lol. Thank you. Especially in bars. I don't get it. Guys will stare at me in bars but never approach me. Or they'll check me out, and still never approach me. Is there a certain vibe that I am giving off? I am a fun, lovable person. I am not stuck up or a bitch. I am shy and quiet even when I drink. I don't really act crazy or anything.

 

I would think guys would approach me more especially because they are drunk, I had a few guys approach me, but most of the time guys just look at me, check me out, or stare at me, but do nothing. Why is that? Why do guys do that? Is it because they think the girl is out of their league? Stuck up? Something else? Please share your input. Thank you!

 

(I do get hit on by douchebags a lot but it's usually over time and they are part of my friends or something, majority of the time though I don't get hit on)

This would lead me to believe that your body language is guarded and reserved.

 

What signals are you giving to indicate interest? Or is it more of a "deer caught in the headlights" moment for you?

[Gloria25]

I feel ya, I go through this a lot with my crush...sometimes I catch him sneaking glances.

 

I mean, in my case, I believe he's attracted - but he's got stuff going on that doesn't make him available to date me.

 

But, I think he has doubts about me...not in terms of his attraction towards me, but probably about how I feel about him and/or if I'm worth it.

 

Best advice I can give you is to have open body language. Look approachable...Shoot, even walk up to the guy you're equally interested in and do/say something to let him know you "are" feelin' him too (i.e. if you're in a club or bar, walk up to him and be like "cool song, I could dance to that beat" or "hey, have I seen you around here before?.

 

I try that with my crush...I try to keep it open and friendly and I try to chat him up now and then in hopes that he can see that I'm into him and there's no fear...lol.

 

And, try hard not to let your fears overwhelm you, cuz I get scared and back off from being friendly/open to my crush at times (not cuz of my attraction to him, but cuz of fears about me and whether or not he'd like me) and that makes it worst cuz it's like you're sending mixed signals.

[Cristo]

I feel ya, I go through this a lot with my crush...sometimes I catch him sneaking glances.

 

I mean, in my case, I believe he's attracted - but he's got stuff going on that doesn't make him available to date me.

 

But, I think he has doubts about me...not in terms of his attraction towards me, but probably about how I feel about him and/or if I'm worth it.

 

Best advice I can give you is to have open body language. Look approachable...Shoot, even walk up to the guy you're equally interested in and do/say something to let him know you "are" feelin' him too (i.e. if you're in a club or bar, walk up to him and be like "cool song, I could dance to that beat" or "hey, have I seen you around here before?.

 

I try that with my crush...I try to keep it open and friendly and I try to chat him up now and then in hopes that he can see that I'm into him and there's no fear...lol.

 

And, try hard not to let your fears overwhelm you, cuz I get scared and back off from being friendly/open to my crush at times (not cuz of my attraction to him, but cuz of fears about me and whether or not he'd like me) and that makes it worst cuz it's like you're sending mixed signals.

 

Depends on the guy, but I agree with the bolded.

 

Generally, you either have guys that lack confidence and want to approach, but are too scared

 

OR

 

you have guys that know exactly what they want. They may find you attractive, but you aren't what they are looking for, for whatever reason. So they may stare at you, but they don't actually want to approach you.

 

Personally, I'm a pretty confident guy that knows exactly what he wants. I never cold approach anymore because I don't see the point. There are some girls at my work that I find attractive and flirt with, but don't make moves on because they are not what I want in a long-term partner (and I'm not interested in anything casual). However, I find them attractive and fun to flirt with so I do it.

[carhill]

OP, here's an example. I've got a male friend, now married nearly 20 years, who stares at nearly every woman he encounters. He's a social butterfly. Everyone is his friend. If the woman stares back, he'll buy her a drink. Social interaction stimulates him, which is a classic aspect of being an extrovert. He doesn't approach them sexually, at least overtly, because he's married. That's not the point.

 

That's an example of one man and his 'why'. Translate to billions of individual men and their why's and you've identified one aspect of the mystery of socio-sexual interactions.

 

What's in their mind is, and will always be, unknown, even when you think you know them. Part of life. IMO, simply enjoy the encounters which come your way and thank the deity of your choice for the opportunity to experience life. It's a wonderful gift. Good luck!

[Purepony]

Do you really expect to find someone worthy at a bar? Or a club?

Please elevate your game

[OwMyEyeball]

Do you really expect to find someone worthy at a bar? Or a club?

Please elevate your game

Because only the unwashed masses congregate at such venues.

 

Filthy creatures! The lot of them!

 

Oh pray tell, where must an unworthy man of my lowly stature venture to bathe in the light of Game?

[Potz4prez]

Eh... guys check out every girl that passes by, even if they're not particularly intrigued by them.

[Diezel]

#1: Fear of rejection

 

#2: They find you pretty, but maybe not pretty enough.

 

#3: They are hoping you'll take a candy bribery and hop into their rickety van.

[jay1983]

It's your body language. When I'm looking at an attractive woman, I'm looking for some kinda signal, eye contact a smile or something that lets me know to whether she's interested or not. I can normally see a rejection long before it happens.

[WhatIsLove2014]

Maybe you have resting b*tch face... Lol I know I do. It can be pretty off putting, if I don't think about it

[ltjg45]

I notice something about women who has the same attraction level as the OP. They either has a mean face making then unapproachable, they got a guy nearby them, or they have someone on the side.

 

Even if all 3 isn't true, she generally isn't interested. Which is fine but due to these reasons, I just don't bother approaching such women anymore, especially not cold approaching.

 

OP, with your beauty, you can get the attention of almost any male out there. You definitely need to send signals of interest to the guy you are interested in otherwise only the douches will approach you.

[irresolute]

Happens the exactly same to me. Women compliment me a lot but men look and nothing more. Im at starbucks and no one approaches me. No men talks to me. Very frustrating. Why is this happening? Should i smile more? Wtf?

[Tayken]

Im at starbucks and no one approaches me

 

Cos at Starbucks, everyone is pretentious...mostly iphone users and their other Apple products. Starbucks is synonymous with iPhone users, and most are just there to use the free wi-fi, and people watch whilst checking their facebook.

 

You can tell that I hate the place with a passion

[Fondue]

Sometimes you might have features that I find particularly attractive, but as a whole, you wouldn't be the kind of girl I would date or even want to talk to.

 

To use me as an example, I prefer the girl-next-door type. I am particular about it. I prefer the "pretty and natural" as opposed to someone who goes out of their way to put on makeup or styles herself for hours on end in the front of the mirror. I don't like "hot and sexy." I don't like someone who puts on the shortest skirt and the tallest heels. I don't find that it really makes me "want them."

 

So when I see a woman, I might find her attractive, but then looking at everything (makeup, clothing, shoes, "features," hair, etc.), I decide that would never be a woman I would want anything to do with.

[AD1980]

For me I like to glance at attractive women but don't approach because they'res zero percent chance that there will be mutual attraction

[JuneJulySeptember]

Just a curious question, I hope it's ok to post this on here. Lol. Thank you. Especially in bars. I don't get it. Guys will stare at me in bars but never approach me. Or they'll check me out, and still never approach me. Is there a certain vibe that I am giving off? I am a fun, lovable person. I am not stuck up or a bitch. I am shy and quiet even when I drink. I don't really act crazy or anything.

 

I would think guys would approach me more especially because they are drunk, I had a few guys approach me, but most of the time guys just look at me, check me out, or stare at me, but do nothing. Why is that? Why do guys do that? Is it because they think the girl is out of their league? Stuck up? Something else? Please share your input. Thank you!

 

(I do get hit on by douchebags a lot but it's usually over time and they are part of my friends or something, majority of the time though I don't get hit on)

 

Go to a bar by yourself, buy yourself a drink and camp yourself out on a stool at the far end so as to make it obvious you are by yourself.

 

I guarantee you will get approached. Maybe not at the hottest club in the city, but any average dive/Irish bar, you should get approached many times.

 

I can only see your headshot, but even if you were overweight, you should still get approached if you are alone.

Edited October 26, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Ashley S]

This would lead me to believe that your body language is guarded and reserved.

 

What signals are you giving to indicate interest? Or is it more of a "deer caught in the headlights" moment for you?

 

I am not really sure. I am shy so I do look away when a guy looks at me but it isn't because i'm not interested. I talk to them and laugh and things like that. I don't act crazy when I am drunk. I act the same quiet and shy but I talk and have fun in the same breath. Thanks.

Do you really expect to find someone worthy at a bar? Or a club?

Please elevate your game

 

Lol, no but it is a pick up place. I am just usuing the bars as an example to my question.

 

Maybe you have resting b*tch face... Lol I know I do. It can be pretty off putting, if I don't think about it

 

Lol, I don't know. Maybe I do? I don't think so though, because I am always laughing and smiling but when a guy I like looks at me I do look away because I'm shy lol. I am so pathetic. Thank you.

 

I notice something about women who has the same attraction level as the OP. They either has a mean face making then unapproachable, they got a guy nearby them, or they have someone on the side.

 

Even if all 3 isn't true, she generally isn't interested. Which is fine but due to these reasons, I just don't bother approaching such women anymore, especially not cold approaching.

 

OP, with your beauty, you can get the attention of almost any male out there. You definitely need to send signals of interest to the guy you are interested in otherwise only the douches will approach you.

 

Thank you so much! I am honestly nothing to write home about, but I do appreciate the compliment I don't have any of the three you stated lol. So i guess it will remain a mystery haha. Thank you.

 

Happens the exactly same to me. Women compliment me a lot but men look and nothing more. Im at starbucks and no one approaches me. No men talks to me. Very frustrating. Why is this happening? Should i smile more? Wtf?

 

Aww I am sorry about it. Trust me I know how frustrating it is lol. It makes me feel insecure, but honestly everyone seems to be all about "business" when they go to Starbucks haha. Just a thought. Thank you for commenting, and I hop everything works out for you!

[sid3]

Your only problem is that you look away when a guy you may be interested looks at you. Learn to return the look after your initially looking away and you'll be all set. When a woman looks away, that's expected. It's when after doing so and then not glancing back, we deem that as no interest.

[Ashley S]

Ok, I went out this past weekend and I got rejected lol. I approached this one guy because he looked so much like my guy friend, and I thought in my stupid head that by me saying "Hey Ryan! Oh wait! You're not Ryan! Wow you look so much like him!" would be a conversation starter haha. So I went up to this guy and I said that and he said "No, I'm not Ryan" I kept going on about how much he looked like him and saying he's Ryan's twin. Well then his buddy came over and said "You're next to play pool" So he said "I'll be right back" to me. Then he kept passing me and was talking to other people, and playing pool, I was talking to other people as well, but it seemed to be the same pattern with all of the guys.

 

I talk to the guys but then they end up walking away. It's like we have a good conversation, and then one of their friends will interrupt us, and then their attention is veered onto them or I go and get another drink and when I come back he's talking to someone else. It makes me feel really insecure because it seems like even when I approach these guys and make conversation they will still end up walking away, and not go further. They wouldn't follow up with me, and especially the one I liked that looked like Ryan, he did pass me and grabbed my waist, but I think it was because I was in the way, I don't think he was flirting lol So I am feeling really low about myself. Even when I actually approach guys I still get rejected.

[jonsnuh]

Just a curious question, I hope it's ok to post this on here. Lol. Thank you. Especially in bars. I don't get it. Guys will stare at me in bars but never approach me. Or they'll check me out, and still never approach me. Is there a certain vibe that I am giving off? I am a fun, lovable person. I am not stuck up or a bitch. I am shy and quiet even when I drink. I don't really act crazy or anything.

 

I would think guys would approach me more especially because they are drunk, I had a few guys approach me, but most of the time guys just look at me, check me out, or stare at me, but do nothing. Why is that? Why do guys do that? Is it because they think the girl is out of their league? Stuck up? Something else? Please share your input. Thank you!

 

(I do get hit on by douchebags a lot but it's usually over time and they are part of my friends or something, majority of the time though I don't get hit on)

 

Most people are going to make this a personal thing about me, but IMHO some guys like myself are shy or inexperienced. The slightest amount of body language, or a cue to reflect that you are interested by returning the glance may be enough to muster up the courage in one like myself to chit chat.

 

Then again, it could very well be something they don't like.

[salparadise]

Guys will stare at me in bars but never approach me. Or they'll check me out, and still never approach me. Is there a certain vibe that I am giving off?

 

I had a few guys approach me, but most of the time guys just look at me, check me out, or stare at me, but do nothing. Why is that?

 

I do get hit on by douchebags a lot...

 

So what I hear you saying is... I get hit on, but how do I selectively get the guys I want to hit on me?

 

Well, a couple of things; it's probable that the guys you want are the same ones all the other women want, so they get the pick of the litter. All the others are douchebags, as you say. Assuming hotness is not the issue, you need to be seen as fun, approachable and challenging, and you need to learn how to subtly green-light the guy who is interesting, interested, and has the balls to go for it.

 

If you seem too approachable, generally, then the douchebags are going to be all over you, and if you're wearing too much bitch-face (love that term) you'll repel all but the cockiest player in the room. The kind of guy you're going for doesn't want a signal that you're a sure thing- he wants to be the guy who leaves with the prize everyone else only dreamed of. So learn to be that girl, and learn to send those extremely subtle female cues to green-light that one, while issuing rejections to the douchebags from fifteen feet away.

[Emilia]

Gosh, this thread got complicated. I was just going to suggest to the OP to go to clubs/dance-y places because people are more relaxed and approachable.

[ComingInHot]

Maybe you have resting b*tch face... Lol I know I do. It can be pretty off putting, if I don't think about it

 

Is that where you look pissy when not smiling? I think I am like that too so I have kind of trained my face to at least always have a slight grin. (helps delay wrinkles early too*)

 

OP, You are lovely in your picture. Just be quick with a smile. When you show the world you are happy, it tends to draw people in.

 

When I drive through a parking lot and people cross my path they look soooo grumpy 90% of the time so when they look up they are greeted by a big smile. It's hysterical how they respond! they go from crab apple face to a smile that, I sear, changes there entire being.

 

Most of the time they continue smiling as they walk away and I drive away*

 

Try it! Train yourself to smile just a little more of the time a little less than this: But not this:

[thefooloftheyear]

If you see what you want, then go for it...Dont leave it up to them...A lot of guys dont approach women..

 

 

TFY