My beginner's guide to talking to women and getting dates

[popcornpuff]

As an introvert, I struggled a lot when it came to trying to date women. I hadn’t even gone on my first date with a woman until I was in my twenties, whereas some of my friends just seemed to naturally fall into their perfect relationships without even trying. It just seemed like for most guys, knowing how to approach women, talk to them, and get a girlfriend was just common sense. I used to believe that it was just something that men should be able to do. Meanwhile, I didn’t know how to go about dating or even where to learn those skills. I had no idea what you’re supposed to say to a girl you’re interested in. Are you supposed to use a pickup line? Are you supposed to impress her? How do you start a conversation and what do you say to her? Sometimes I’d hear that you need to be very bold with women. Sometimes I’d hear that you need to be very direct. And sometimes, I’d read some PUA advice that made me question my faith in humanity. I just wanted to find a compatible woman to share fun times and love, to kiss and hold hands with and experience that sense of intimacy, y’know?

 

Now, things are different. I learned how to talk to women and get them to go out with me. I met this wonderful girl a while back and was able to successfully ask her out. Today, we enjoy a lot of fun times together and it’s amazing to experience that love we have for each other. And I was able to accomplish all of this naturally, without becoming a jerk or an “alpha” or resorting to any of those sleazy PUA tactics – me, the introverted late bloomer!

 

Honestly, if I can do it then you can too! Here are the essential steps for talking to women and landing dates:

 

Find a time to talk to her when she’s not busy

 

The first thing you want to do is find a time to talk to her when she’s not busy or preoccupied with something else. So, if you’re interested in that one barista at Starbucks then try to talk to her either when she’s getting off work or when there are no other customers. If you fancy that cute girl in your class then try to catch her when lecture is over (just please don’t try to do it during class! This should be obvious but I’ve seen someone try to do that before.) That beauty you see in the bar? As long as you’re not interrupting her conversation, go for it! You get the idea.

 

Once she’s available, approach her and…

 

Strike up a fun and authentic conversation

 

When I first started to try and date women, one of the biggest areas that I struggled with was that I had no idea what to say. It turns out that the answer might be simpler than you think. When talking to her, you should just aim to have a fun and authentic conversation with her. Don’t try to be flashy or impress her by being someone you’re not. Instead, let your natural personality shine through.

 

For example, in real life I’m kind of sarcastic, I speak softly, and I tend to use dry humor when talking to people. So, if I’m talking to a girl I’m interested in then I’m not going to try to talk to her in an overly-masculine and aggressive tone in order to try and impress her. That’s not who I really am inside. People can sense inauthenticity a mile away, y’know? As cliché as it sounds: just be yourself and try to have fun!

 

Starting the conversation can be as simple as saying “Hi, my name is Steve” or even just “Hi.” It really doesn’t matter too much how you begin the conversation. Just stay away from pickup lines, since most of them come off as inauthentic (unless you can pull it off in a really endearing way.)

 

To keep the conversation going, I suggest trying to find out something about her that she would love to tell you about. For example, maybe you notice that she has a folder with a photograph of a cute puppy on it. That might be a picture of her dog. Ask her about it! Displaying a sense of authentic curiosity and showing that you’re genuinely interested in learning more about her is a great way to build rapport.

 

Talk with her for a little bit and see how the two of you feel. If you’re having a really great time talking to her then go ahead and…

 

Ask her out!

 

Ask her to come with you to dinner, or to coffee, or some sort of event happening in your city…whatever! Just do it as confidently as you can and try not to come off as needy or desperate. Back when I was inexperienced, I used to be like "Umm...if you want...would you...maybe...like to get dinner with me...or something?" You can imagine how well that worked for me.

 

Instead, you can say something along the lines of “Hey, I’m interested in going ice skating at the park this Saturday. Why don’t you join me?” or “Hey, would you like to get a cup of coffee Sunday morning?” These types of questions are more non-needy. If you’re asking out someone that you just met or don't know that well then you can try showing a little bit of vulnerability. You might say something along the lines of “Hey listen, I really enjoyed talking to you and I wouldn’t mind getting to know you better. Would you like to get a cup of coffee this Saturday?”

 

Make sure you have a concrete time and place in mind when asking her the question. She’ll be looking for you to lead so don’t make her to plan it for you. Instead of saying “Would you like to get dinner sometime?” ask her “Would you like to get dinner at Mater’s this Saturday?” Remember that if she agrees to going out with you “sometime” then she hasn’t actually agreed to doing anything at all!

 

Okay, that’s enough with the examples. You get the idea. Go and ask her out already!

 

She said no (or “maybe” or some variation of “I’m busy”)

 

Bummer, man. It sucks to hear that. No, you’re not a loser for trying. And no, she’s not going to think less of you or laugh about it to her friends. We all get rejected sometimes.

 

Keep in mind that it’s not always your fault. Maybe she prefers a different type of guy, maybe she already has a boyfriend, or maybe she’s just not interested in dating anyone at the moment. Who knows? Typically women will try to let you down easy instead of flat-out saying “no.” Instead you can expect to hear something along the lines of “maybe” or “I’m busy” or “I can’t make it.” Often, if a woman is busy but she is still interested in going out with you then she’ll instead suggest alternate times for you to go out. So, don’t pout or keep trying to suggest different dates if she says that she’s busy. Instead, behave like you are okay with it. You can say something along the lines of “Sure, no problem.”

 

You took a chance and stepped way outside of your comfort zone there. So, congratulations! Go ahead and treat yourself. Grab some Doritos, play some Fallout 4, watch some Game of Thrones, or whatever else you like. You deserve it.

 

She said yes!

 

Congratulations!! I know you’re excited, but try and resist the urge to start dancing.

 

Get her phone number if you don’t already have it so that you have a way to keep in contact with her. She won’t say no to this if she’s already agreed to going out with you, so just say “Can I get your phone number?” Make sure to work out the logistics of the date with her before the actual event so there’s no confusion: Are you meeting her there or picking her up? What time are you two going out? Where are the two of you going? Etc. etc. You can do this while talking to her now or over the phone later.

 

Okay, now you can start dancing!

 

One Last Thing

 

I have a confession to make: I had an absolute BLAST writing this post because of how much I struggled with dating. []

 

Good luck and happy dating! Ciao!

Edited January 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Commercial content redacted

[carhill]

OP, you mentioned you were/are an introvert, which I presume means you need time alone to recharge your social batteries. Did you also have issues with social anxiety or shyness which you overcame and, if so, how did that go?

 

I'm asking because, generally, introversion, alone, doesn't inhibit a man in interacting with women. He still feels comfortable around them, enjoys them and has no issues expressing romantic intent, rather he feels overwhelmed after awhile in socially stimulating situations. Hence, he might feel more at ease asking a woman out in a more one-on-one setting than in a highly charged social situation where he's been stimulated for awhile. How did your experience go?

 

Myself, once consistently around single women more, it all seemed to flow more naturally. Most of the problem had been my experiences with married women lying to me, so it was my perception of the women themselves which had to change, meaning rather than seeing them as, yet again, another liar, to accept them more as individuals and let the interactions flow on their own without prejudice.

 

One thing I did note was that an interested woman, no matter where we happened to be or what we were doing, facilitated interaction and getting to the point of asking her on a date. That's where my saying of 'If it don't flow, let it go' came from. Either it flows or it doesn't. If it doesn't, let it go. No harm, no foul.

[loverboy69]

OP, you mentioned you were/are an introvert, which I presume means you need time alone to recharge your social batteries. Did you also have issues with social anxiety or shyness which you overcame and, if so, how did that go?

 

 

That's an interesting question.

 

You are right. Someone who is shy or who suffers from social anxiety can take this to a whole other level.

 

Believe it or not shy or SA guys have an easier time walking up to a stranger than they do a coworker who've they've developed feelings for over time. Why? It's because with a stranger they haven't had the chance for nervousness to set in or the time to overthink the situation.

[deckard11]

It's all for nothing if you don't have good looks and a nice body.

[carhill]

Believe it or not shy or SA guys have an easier time walking up to a stranger than they do a coworker who've they've developed feelings for over time. Why? It's because with a stranger they haven't had the chance for nervousness to set in or the time to overthink the situation.

 

Yeah, I noticed that as well, having suffered from some shyness as a young man. The less invested, easier. The more contemplated, thought about and attached, harder. That's why the early iterations of online dating were a boon. The women were ostensibly single, interaction was limited and it was easy to ask them out. Of course, things have changed markedly in 20 years.

[NVO]

Believe it or not shy or SA guys have an easier time walking up to a stranger than they do a coworker who've they've developed feelings for over time. Why? It's because with a stranger they haven't had the chance for nervousness to set in or the time to overthink the situation.

 

This is so me. For example, when I'm in a foreign country or city I don't know, I'm the first one of my friends to strike up an conversation and asking directions. Whereas my friends would hesitate much longer. Also on festivals I connect fairly easy with people, and people connect easy with me. Making friends everywhere.

 

But when I see a co-worker for the first time on, let's say, a Monday, and think to myself "Damn, she's cute. Tomorrow I will talk to her," I'm in for disaster. The pressure that comes with these things is very strange, and that's when I become shy and more introvert. The moment I walk up to her and start the conversation I can literally feel my head getting red. Then my mind starts spinning and I can hear myself thinking: "Damn, my face is so red right now. She can see this too. I'm such a pussy." And it happens to me, every. Single. Time. I hate this and want to turn this around so badly.

 

I am a very social guy, and have a lot of friends. Not the guy on Facebook with 800 friends, but people who I really have a connection with. Different groups of friends too. With one group I usually visit festivals, the other just to chill and party. I take interviews with people for my work, I overcame my 'anxiety' with talking in public due to my education which included giving many presentations. I think I even became one of the best speakers of my year. My school had a television studio and I was the host for one of the three shows we were recording. When I came back in the class everybody was impressed by my way of hosting and how naturally I did everything. This also true with girls who have boyfriends, I connect with them in an instant and they all seem to like me. Even some of my friends would make comments on how many hot girls I know. And I'm not bragging. But when I really like a girl, damn... It's so frustrating.

 

Also, I am a very imaginative guy. I noticed that even before I really got to know the girl, I would be having these fantasies about her. About us. Not about having sex or something. No, just what it would be like if she was my girl and how much fun we would have. Now this may seem like some psycho, messed up thing, but trust me it's not that bad haha. But it did result in building up so much pressure that when I finally got the chance to talk to her, I would shut down in no-time. I now recognize this behavior so I taught myself to stop the thinking the minute it starts.

 

Wow, this thread has been mindblowing for me so far. But still, any tips on how to improve and start working on this? I guess just keep doing it, because that's how I eventually overcame my anxiety for speaking in public. I just suck at making romantic comments or start making a move. Keeping a conversation going is fairly easy for me, because you really don't have to talk that much. Just listen to what they have to say. But turning a normal conversation into a conversation with flirting is a total mystery for me. And I'm this close to a breakthrough, because last weekend I even danced with a girl, first one since my break-up. Happened out of nowhere. This boosted my confidence a lot. If only it would be easier to chat up some girls, I'm in for it. Definitely. And coming from a crushed self-esteem due to my break-up: that's a massive victory for me.

Edited January 6, 2016 by NVO

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I seriously wonder what happened to society, in which it seems there is an epidemic of guys, men in this generation that don't know how to approach and talk to women, attract them, more so than ever before, like what caused all of this.

 

All of this goes to show you that it doesn't matter what a woman's parental upbringing or childhood socializing is like, it won't really affect her dating life/sex life, meanwhile however for guys, guys need to be molded a certain way from their formative years, teens, that's why I believe in the statement "women are born, men are made"

[NVO]

I seriously wonder what happened to society, in which it seems there is an epidemic of guys, men in this generation that don't know how to approach and talk to women, attract them, more so than ever before, like what caused all of this.

 

All of this goes to show you that it doesn't matter what a woman's parental upbringing or childhood socializing is like, it won't really affect her dating life/sex life, meanwhile however for guys, guys need to be molded a certain way from their formative years, teens, that's why I believe in the statement "women are born, men are made"

 

Well, maybe it has something to do with the change in society and the role women and men fulfill in a relationship and in life. Over the past years women got more powerful, they have careers, whereas the men also shift to a more female role as so to speak. Women got more confident and that vibe may be making some men more insecure about themselves.

[pteromom]

It's all for nothing if you don't have good looks and a nice body.

 

Nope, not true. Look around you at couples. So many couples who seem happy and connected, and the guy isn't good looking.

 

Looks give you more options, yes. But not having looks doesn't mean you have NO options.

[carhill]

Heh, historically, I was just thinking about changing social dynamics and reflecting on the women I had relationships with, asked out on dates and married. All were 'modern' women and two out of the four LTRs/M I've had were with professionals, one a CPA and the other a MD. Strong, confident women. Makes sense because, heh, I wouldn't be here if dear old dad didn't see a fetching lass modeling clothes in a newspaper ad and go to that store and lo and behold she was working behind the counter selling men's clothes. Yep, a working woman living on her own in, what, 1950.

 

Sincerely, all this stuff isn't really new. Our attitudes about the social dynamics may have changed, sure. About the only marked change I've seen in my lifetime is the substantial uptick in divorces (number) and single-parent families. When I was young, it was unheard of in my demographic, regardless of whether women worked or not. By the time I was successfully dating, *every* woman I dated and/or mated with was divorced and the vast majority were single mothers, while all the women I had known as samples of female role models were, still, married.

 

That was a huge change for myself and it had an effect on how to talk to women and get dates. Things were a lot more, for lack of a better word, 'serious'. It wasn't casual, fun, getting to know, rather fraught with details, logistics, ex-spouses, on and on. Add in the married women having affairs, also something new to me, and it became a minefield. Glad it's all in the past!

[basil67]

It's all for nothing if you don't have good looks and a nice body.

 

Have you ever had a look at couples walking down the street?

[Blanco]

Have you ever had a look at couples walking down the street?

 

I see lots of hot people partnered up with other hot people. I see lots of average or downright goony looking people partnered up with other average or downright goony looking people. I see lots of average or downright goony looking people partnered up with hot people.

 

It's as though broad, sweeping generalizations can't accurately be applied to the partnering patterns of humans.

[GoodOnPaper]

Have you ever had a look at couples walking down the street?

 

This argument is thrown out there a lot -- "Just take a look at the couples in Walmart" -- but do people really think that those of us who had few/no options but are in LTRs really have the same level of satisfaction as those who could have their pick of partners anytime they want? That seems naively optimistic.

[deckard11]

Nope, not true. Look around you at couples. So many couples who seem happy and connected, and the guy isn't good looking.

 

Looks give you more options, yes. But not having looks doesn't mean you have NO options.

 

If that's the case then why haven't I ever had one woman say yes to a date? And keep in mind I'm 41.

[loverboy69]

This is so me. For example, when I'm in a foreign country or city I don't know, I'm the first one of my friends to strike up an conversation and asking directions. Whereas my friends would hesitate much longer. Also on festivals I connect fairly easy with people, and people connect easy with me. Making friends everywhere.

 

But when I see a co-worker for the first time on, let's say, a Monday, and think to myself "Damn, she's cute. Tomorrow I will talk to her," I'm in for disaster. The pressure that comes with these things is very strange, and that's when I become shy and more introvert. The moment I walk up to her and start the conversation I can literally feel my head getting red. Then my mind starts spinning and I can hear myself thinking: "Damn, my face is so red right now. She can see this too. I'm such a pussy." And it happens to me, every. Single. Time. I hate this and want to turn this around so badly.

 

I am a very social guy, and have a lot of friends. Not the guy on Facebook with 800 friends, but people who I really have a connection with. Different groups of friends too. With one group I usually visit festivals, the other just to chill and party. I take interviews with people for my work, I overcame my 'anxiety' with talking in public due to my education which included giving many presentations. I think I even became one of the best speakers of my year. My school had a television studio and I was the host for one of the three shows we were recording. When I came back in the class everybody was impressed by my way of hosting and how naturally I did everything. This also true with girls who have boyfriends, I connect with them in an instant and they all seem to like me. Even some of my friends would make comments on how many hot girls I know. And I'm not bragging. But when I really like a girl, damn... It's so frustrating.

 

Also, I am a very imaginative guy. I noticed that even before I really got to know the girl, I would be having these fantasies about her. About us. Not about having sex or something. No, just what it would be like if she was my girl and how much fun we would have. Now this may seem like some psycho, messed up thing, but trust me it's not that bad haha. But it did result in building up so much pressure that when I finally got the chance to talk to her, I would shut down in no-time. I now recognize this behavior so I taught myself to stop the thinking the minute it starts.

 

Wow, this thread has been mindblowing for me so far. But still, any tips on how to improve and start working on this? I guess just keep doing it, because that's how I eventually overcame my anxiety for speaking in public. I just suck at making romantic comments or start making a move. Keeping a conversation going is fairly easy for me, because you really don't have to talk that much. Just listen to what they have to say. But turning a normal conversation into a conversation with flirting is a total mystery for me. And I'm this close to a breakthrough, because last weekend I even danced with a girl, first one since my break-up. Happened out of nowhere. This boosted my confidence a lot. If only it would be easier to chat up some girls, I'm in for it. Definitely. And coming from a crushed self-esteem due to my break-up: that's a massive victory for me.

 

 

Haha. You sound like me. I'm just a gay version of you.

 

I'm naturally an introvert but at work I have to put on a show, do large presentations, give tours to big groups of people at once.

 

I've learned to deal with my anxiety by pretending I'm some sort of actor. Everyday I go to work and need to put on a show. I get lots of compliments which of course makes me feel even better.

 

The moment I get home though (if nobody is there) I go back and just chill by myself. My favorite time of the day to unwind without the lights and the drama.

 

Good luck with the new girl! Just keep giving her coy grins, light taps on her knee or a gentle flick of your finger on her forearm. Little things like that will build the sexual tension you need and she'll play right along if the attraction is mutual.

[loverboy69]

I seriously wonder what happened to society, in which it seems there is an epidemic of guys, men in this generation that don't know how to approach and talk to women, attract them, more so than ever before, like what caused all of this.

 

All of this goes to show you that it doesn't matter what a woman's parental upbringing or childhood socializing is like, it won't really affect her dating life/sex life, meanwhile however for guys, guys need to be molded a certain way from their formative years, teens, that's why I believe in the statement "women are born, men are made"

 

My dad blames the feminist movement. He says it all the time.

 

He told me it started out really well intentioned (and has done some good things) but it went way too far and made men into pussies.

 

Haha my pop never holds back. Never a politically correct moment with the old man. He cracks me up. I know who to go to when I want an honest-in-your-face answer.

[LookAtThisPOst]

My dad blames the feminist movement. He says it all the time.

 

He told me it started out really well intentioned (and has done some good things) but it went way too far and made men into pussies.

 

Haha my pop never holds back. Never a politically correct moment with the old man. He cracks me up. I know who to go to when I want an honest-in-your-face answer.

 

I saw this post over on The Red Pill sub-Reddit where it was entitled

 

Women opt for the path of LEAST resistance. As a man, you must willingly choose the path of MOST resistance.

 

The summary is this, but the following is quite lengthy and pretty much sums up the whole approaching/attracting a woman situation.

 

Women opt for the path of least resistance. Men should willingly choose the path of most resistance.

 

Struggle creates character. And good character is of vital necessity for a male to prosper within society and to boost his attractiveness. Being able to adequately handle stress and inner turmoil demonstrates a man's ability and resilience. Most importantly it exposes his worth and functionality.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

that's why for the past few years now, I've strongly felt that a guys parental/social upbringing, how he is raised by his parents family, childhood social experiences, will have a much bigger impact on his dating life/sex life than the other way around

[JustGettingBy]

I seriously wonder what happened to society, in which it seems there is an epidemic of guys, men in this generation that don't know how to approach and talk to women, attract them, more so than ever before, like what caused all of this.

 

All of this goes to show you that it doesn't matter what a woman's parental upbringing or childhood socializing is like, it won't really affect her dating life/sex life, meanwhile however for guys, guys need to be molded a certain way from their formative years, teens, that's why I believe in the statement "women are born, men are made"

 

Its because schools haven't taught social skills in a long time. People aren't taught how to start conversation lightly, give each other respect or show boundaries. Those skills, used everyday, even more often in a platonic sense that a romantic one, took a back seat to things you'll never use like pythagorean theorem, the biological make-up of a cell, names of famous artists, understanding Shakespeare word-for-word, impeccable instrumental playing, a biased view of history showing propaganda towards the student's country and figuring out how to detect foreshadowing so you can spoil a movie for yourself without looking anything up for it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

My dad blames the feminist movement. He says it all the time.

 

He told me it started out really well intentioned (and has done some good things) but it went way too far and made men into pussies.

 

Haha my pop never holds back. Never a politically correct moment with the old man. He cracks me up. I know who to go to when I want an honest-in-your-face answer.

 

Yeah and with the feminist movement came women's ability to play the victim card more frequently or use the word stalker more loosely to describe a guy that has a crush on them.

 

The law usually takes the woman's side, for instance, I had a friend arrested for "abusing' his girlfriend when she was trying to restrain her from abusing HIM...you see, she hurt herself in the process...it left bruises, so she called the cops on him. Fortunately he only got issued anger management courses from the judge.

[hasaquestion]

Its because schools haven't taught social skills in a long time. People aren't taught how to start conversation lightly, give each other respect or show boundaries. Those skills, used everyday, even more often in a platonic sense that a romantic one, took a back seat to things you'll never use like pythagorean theorem, the biological make-up of a cell, names of famous artists, understanding Shakespeare word-for-word, impeccable instrumental playing, a biased view of history showing propaganda towards the student's country and figuring out how to detect foreshadowing so you can spoil a movie for yourself without looking anything up for it.

 

Cell biology is a prerequisite for a number of fields, including medicine, pharmaceuticals, and biotech. The pythagorean theorem among other things is the geometric basis for the vector math which is the foundation of physics and mechanical engineering. To lament that schools are producing too many doctors and engineers is something I haven't heard of before.

[JustGettingBy]

Cell biology is a prerequisite for a number of fields, including medicine, pharmaceuticals, and biotech. The pythagorean theorem among other things is the geometric basis for the vector math which is the foundation of physics and mechanical engineering. To lament that schools are producing too many doctors and engineers is something I haven't heard of before.

 

Those are things that could be taken as electives for those who wish to take them. I don't see why everyone has to be forced to.

[Qboro90]

Its because schools haven't taught social skills in a long time. People aren't taught how to start conversation lightly, give each other respect or show boundaries. Those skills, used everyday, even more often in a platonic sense that a romantic one, took a back seat to things you'll never use like pythagorean theorem, the biological make-up of a cell, names of famous artists, understanding Shakespeare word-for-word, impeccable instrumental playing, a biased view of history showing propaganda towards the student's country and figuring out how to detect foreshadowing so you can spoil a movie for yourself without looking anything up for it.

 

What social skills are you alluding to being taught in schools previously? From my experience, social development was being in school and surrounded by boys and girls your age and learning how to interact. This is something that hasn't changed. It's not the schools responsibility to teach kids how to talk to the opposite sex. That's a pubescent rite of passage that each boy/girl discovers for themselves. What works for you might not work for me and visa versa.

 

I will say that today's technological culture has changed the way we as people date and interact. It's less personal and less of a risk to just match yourself with someone on OLD. I think I'm part of the last generation to have to rely on face to face interaction and the possible rejection that goes with it as Facebook only came out when I was halfway through college. So I've seen how that has become the social norm as well as how it was just before it became available.

 

Having to call a girl up in middle school and high school and have conversations on the phone. Now is done via text at all hours of the day. Finding out about someone's interests and social circle can be done by checking their fb Instagram and Twitter pages.

[JustGettingBy]

What social skills are you alluding to being taught in schools previously? From my experience, social development was being in school and surrounded by boys and girls your age and learning how to interact. This is something that hasn't changed. It's not the schools responsibility to teach kids how to talk to the opposite sex. That's a pubescent rite of passage that each boy/girl discovers for themselves. What works for you might not work for me and visa versa.

 

I will say that today's technological culture has changed the way we as people date and interact. It's less personal and less of a risk to just match yourself with someone on OLD. I think I'm part of the last generation to have to rely on face to face interaction and the possible rejection that goes with it as Facebook only came out when I was halfway through college. So I've seen how that has become the social norm as well as how it was just before it became available.

 

Having to call a girl up in middle school and high school and have conversations on the phone. Now is done via text at all hours of the day. Finding out about someone's interests and social circle can be done by checking their fb Instagram and Twitter pages.

 

Its not just about 'talking to the opposite sex'. Its about all social skills. People have no idea how to have workplace conversations now.

[brothers343]

I think woman in general want a man that tries to improve themselves. Weather that is financially, physically, spiritually or whatever the case may be. In my case I will admit that I first look at the womans face and then her body. I like to work out, not saying that she has too but i don't want a couch potato either, I like doing extreme sports, she might not like that, I have a dangerous job that requires me to be at work 2 or three days at a time. She may not like that either. Starting a conversation with a woman is the easy part....what happens after sets the whole thing in motion. There are beautiful woman with so called unattractive man and vise versa. And all this started the same way.....one person had the balls to go talk to the other. One of my best friends if you saw him you would think that his unattractive.....he looks like a string bean but he pulls good looking woman left and right. He is just a smooth talker. His current lady says that everytime he talks to her she can smell the "honey" coming out of his mouth. So what does that tell you. Lol