Online dating is so depressing

[NJ123]

I've been making a serious effort with it the past 2 days, sending more messages than I've ever sent before. I was on Plenty of Fish but deleted it since I pretty much messaged everyone that I would have been interested in but I never got any replies back. Now I'm on OKCupid & the same thing is happening on there too. I just wonder what these people are even looking for. I see so many of the same familiar faces on there as well from last time I've been on there. I should probably just stick with Tinder & Bumble at this stage. It just makes me wonder how there's so many couples together when it feels so hard to even get a woman interested in the first place.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Wow NJ patience isn't your strongest suit is it? 2days hun? Seriously?

 

Even if you said two weeks. OLD is a big whatev, but even acknowledging that you have to give it time.

 

Especially with those free sites, there are hundreds of new people joining every day. Give it time!

 

Meanwhile go out and have fun with your friends.

[SwordofFlame]

OLD often runs hot and cold. It may even have something to do with the time of year.

[angel.eyes]

You got a ton of feedback in your other threads. Have you implemented any of it?

 

If you used even a fraction of the time that you spent posting new threads to get your life in order, graduate from college, start a career, and move out of your parents' house, you would be further along. Instead it's a litany of excuses why none of that is possible or worth even taking the first step for, despite being in your mid-thirties...followed by arguments about why none of this should or would matter anyway to your dating options.

[NJ123]

You got a ton of feedback in your other threads. Have you implemented any of it?

 

If you used even a fraction of the time that you spent posting new threads to get your life in order, graduate from college, start a career, and move out of your parents' house, you would be further along. Instead it's a litany of excuses why none of that is possible or worth even taking the first step for, despite being in your mid-thirties...followed by arguments about why none of this should or would matter anyway to your dating options.

 

I've been trying to get my life in order. I'm seeing a new doctor this week to see if I can see a chiropractor to see if it'll help out my health issue. And I'm younger than mid-thirties but I get what you're saying.

[NJ123]

Wow NJ patience isn't your strongest suit is it? 2days hun? Seriously?

 

Even if you said two weeks. OLD is a big whatev, but even acknowledging that you have to give it time.

 

Especially with those free sites, there are hundreds of new people joining every day. Give it time!

 

Meanwhile go out and have fun with your friends.

 

But I've been on there in the past & stopped going on there for the same reason. Now the same thing seems to be happening again. But yeah, I guess I should give it some time.

[normal person]

The key to success at OLD is to not be average. If you're exactly like everyone else without any definitive traits, serious accomplishments, or noticeable feathers in your cap, you'll probably struggle with it. Just look elsewhere if it's depressing you.

[Sunkissedpatio]

But I've been on there in the past & stopped going on there for the same reason. Now the same thing seems to be happening again. But yeah, I guess I should give it some time.

 

Put it this way, do you meet someone you want to date every time you go out to a bar, party or social gathering? Probably not, like most people. It is hit and miss. Same with OLD. Give it time don't get discouraged because that is how men get really jaded and bitter online and nothing is a bigger repellant than a person with a defeated attitude.

 

And notice I said "meet", not "see" a person you want to date.

[NJ123]

Put it this way, do you meet someone you want to date every time you go out to a bar, party or social gathering? Probably not, like most people. It is hit and miss. Same with OLD. Give it time don't get discouraged because that is how men get really jaded and bitter online and nothing is a bigger repellant than a person with a defeated attitude.

 

And notice I said "meet", not "see" a person you want to date.

 

Yeah, I suppose that's true. I have to try not to let it get to me. It seems though there's not too many people around my area that use OKCupid. I keep seeing the same profiles over & over again. I guess I just have to wait for new people to come on it or for some that haven't logged in in a bit to go on.

[angel.eyes]

I've been trying to get my life in order. I'm seeing a new doctor this week to see if I can see a chiropractor to see if it'll help out my health issue. And I'm younger than mid-thirties but I get what you're saying.

 

My bad! 30. It was your friend who was 34.

 

Anyway, dating will be easier once your life is in a better place. Re-examine your priorities and where you put your efforts. Searching dating sites instead of searching for a job or finishing school has things backwards IMO. Since what you've been doing hasn't worked, consider changing your focus if you don't want more of the same.

[NJ123]

My bad! 30. It was your friend who was 34.

 

Anyway, dating will be easier once your life is in a better place. Re-examine your priorities and where you put your efforts. Searching dating sites instead of searching for a job or finishing school has things backwards IMO. Since what you've been doing hasn't worked, consider changing your focus if you don't want more of the same.

 

It's just things are so complicated for me right now due to my health situation as well. I just hate having to force myself to do things a lot of the time. I just don't know, it seems some say to try to date even during my current situation while others say I should wait. But the thing is it's like either way I'm in a bad position since if I wait than nothing will ever happen & I'll be an even older guy with no experience. It's like what am I really supposed to do?

[AMJ]

It's like what am I really supposed to do?

 

You have a tone of depression, frustration, and negativity that is probably coming through on your profile as well as the messages you send to women. Just like with anything else, when you approach the situation with a defeated attitude your negative intentions will poison the outcome. Self fulfilling prophecy.

[NJ123]

You have a tone of depression, frustration, and negativity that is probably coming through on your profile as well as the messages you send to women. Just like with anything else, when you approach the situation with a defeated attitude your negative intentions will poison the outcome. Self fulfilling prophecy.

 

No, not at all. I don't have anything negative in my profile at all or with the messages I send. I usually ask questions about their interests or something that's related to their profile when I message them. And I still never get responses.

[NJ123]

Well, I actually just got a response back from someone coincidentally.

 

I guess I'll see what happens. As others said I just have to try to be positive.

[ThisOverThat]

Well, I actually just got a response back from someone coincidentally.

 

I guess I'll see what happens. As others said I just have to try to be positive.

 

Yes, it sounds like you are expecting way too much. You need to realize that even Bottom Of The Barrel women get ALOT of attention online. This means that it will take awhile for any female to get to your message. So scale back your enthusiasm, lower your expectations, and stay positive.

[NJ123]

So I'm not sure if this is fake or not but some woman been messaging me & asked if I want a hook up with no strings attached. Her profile says she's from somewhere in NY but she said she lives in the town right near me. It must be a scam since they asking how old I am now when it's clearly on my profile. I just deleted the conversation now.

[Moves Like Jagger]

I've been making a serious effort with it the past 2 days, sending more messages than I've ever sent before. I was on Plenty of Fish but deleted it since I pretty much messaged everyone that I would have been interested in but I never got any replies back. Now I'm on OKCupid & the same thing is happening on there too. I just wonder what these people are even looking for. I see so many of the same familiar faces on there as well from last time I've been on there. I should probably just stick with Tinder & Bumble at this stage. It just makes me wonder how there's so many couples together when it feels so hard to even get a woman interested in the first place.

 

When I read these threads complaining about online dating, I wonder why people continue trying to look for dates on a medium that they loathe so much. OP, I don't know why you are so invested in online dating. Are you meeting girls at Meetup or at bars? There is a big difference between girls getting approached by a few guys at a bar versus having a full inbox of over a hundred messages.

[ZA Dater]

OLD is a waste of time, money and emotional effort.

 

Speaking for myself the people I found on OLD were so unappealing it was obvious to me why they were on OLD to begin with.

 

Collect stamps or coins, both are infinitely more enjoyable than being rejected by people. In fact anything is more enjoyable.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Change up your photos too, get a female friend (if you can) to help you pick out photos. Sort of like what they call in marketing A/B testing which is see what photos perform best by testing different ones out.

 

Some guys (not saying this is you) are so clueless when it comes to choosing their pics, they use really weird photos that don't showcase them in the best possible way. Not saying lie and post stuff that misrepresents, just choose appealing photos.

 

My number one rule when I am on OLD is no photo, I won't even read their profile and I don't care what their reason is. I have plenty of photos up, face and body so that there are no surprises when we meet, and I expect that same from him.

 

Some guys post one pic and it is blurry or wearing sunglasses and the face is hard to see. Don't do that! As I am sure you already know.

 

And don't just send "hey there" messages or "hey there you're so beautiful" those drive me nuts, they are a dime a dozen and they say 0 effort on your part especially if she took the time out to write a well written profile giving you some stuff to work with (ask or comment about something in her profile)

 

Guys believe OLD is about numbers but it is also about putting some effort into it. Again, if you are at bar you don't just go up to someone and say "hey there you're beautiful" (well you might) you tend to find something interesting to say as an opener for fear of getting shot down, treat this the same way. Think the better looking women are getting that much more responses so you need to compete with hundreds of other guys vying for her attention. You don't need to write her a book but a strong one sentence is always good.

[ZA Dater]

Change up your photos too, get a female friend (if you can) to help you pick out photos. Sort of like what they call in marketing A/B testing which is see what photos perform best by testing different ones out.

 

Some guys (not saying this is you) are so clueless when it comes to choosing their pics, they use really weird photos that don't showcase them in the best possible way. Not saying lie and post stuff that misrepresents, just choose appealing photos.

 

My number one rule when I am on OLD is no photo, I won't even read their profile and I don't care what their reason is. I have plenty of photos up, face and body so that there are no surprises when we meet, and I expect that same from him.

 

Some guys post one pic and it is blurry or wearing sunglasses and the face is hard to see. Don't do that! As I am sure you already know.

 

And don't just send "hey there" messages or "hey there you're so beautiful" those drive me nuts, they are a dime a dozen and they say 0 effort on your part especially if she took the time out to write a well written profile giving you some stuff to work with (ask or comment about something in her profile)

 

Guys believe OLD is about numbers but it is also about putting some effort into it. Again, if you are at bar you don't just go up to someone and say "hey there you're beautiful" (well you might) you tend to find something interesting to say as an opener for fear of getting shot down, treat this the same way. Think the better looking women are getting that much more responses so you need to compete with hundreds of other guys vying for her attention. You don't need to write her a book but a strong one sentence is always good.

 

Better looking don't need OLD to begin with.

[NJ123]

Change up your photos too, get a female friend (if you can) to help you pick out photos. Sort of like what they call in marketing A/B testing which is see what photos perform best by testing different ones out.

 

Some guys (not saying this is you) are so clueless when it comes to choosing their pics, they use really weird photos that don't showcase them in the best possible way. Not saying lie and post stuff that misrepresents, just choose appealing photos.

 

My number one rule when I am on OLD is no photo, I won't even read their profile and I don't care what their reason is. I have plenty of photos up, face and body so that there are no surprises when we meet, and I expect that same from him.

 

Some guys post one pic and it is blurry or wearing sunglasses and the face is hard to see. Don't do that! As I am sure you already know.

 

And don't just send "hey there" messages or "hey there you're so beautiful" those drive me nuts, they are a dime a dozen and they say 0 effort on your part especially if she took the time out to write a well written profile giving you some stuff to work with (ask or comment about something in her profile)

 

Guys believe OLD is about numbers but it is also about putting some effort into it. Again, if you are at bar you don't just go up to someone and say "hey there you're beautiful" (well you might) you tend to find something interesting to say as an opener for fear of getting shot down, treat this the same way. Think the better looking women are getting that much more responses so you need to compete with hundreds of other guys vying for her attention. You don't need to write her a book but a strong one sentence is always good.

 

Thanks. I'm still talking with that woman from last night. I don't know what will happen but she seems interested. The only thing is I'm not sure how attracted to her I am. I don't think she's unattractive at all just I don't know if I find her attractive enough in terms of wanting a relationship with her. I know that sounds really shallow but looks are as important to me as personality/chemistry would be. I suppose I would have to meet her to see.

 

Also something I noticed is when someone views my profile more than once than they likely have interest. The one woman looked at my profile twice than sent me a message first & I found her attractive just she lived like 5 states away from me & has kids. I don't know where she came across my profile. And the woman I'm talking to now did the same & she didn't even have my age range in her requirements. I'm a few years younger than the age range she put. But I think that's a hint for anyone that's on OLD is if she looks at your profile more than once send her a message if you think you would like her. I think it's one of their ways of showing interest without messaging you first.

[NJ123]

Better looking don't need OLD to begin with.

 

Yeah, I think the same. I don't know why the really attractive women are on there. There was one who's pictures I was looking at & she actually took a picture showing her inbox showing it said 99+ & wrote "I'll get back to you". I'm just thinking like seriously? Some just have a huge ego about it.

[AMJ]

Thanks. I'm still talking with that woman from last night. I don't know what will happen but she seems interested. The only thing is I'm not sure how attracted to her I am. I don't think she's unattractive at all just I don't know if I find her attractive enough in terms of wanting a relationship with her. I know that sounds really shallow but looks are as important to me as personality/chemistry would be. I suppose I would have to meet her to see.

 

.

 

Can you step back and listen to yourself objectively for a minute?

This entire thread has been about how women are the worst and OLD sucks, etc., because none of them respond to you...now you have a woman who might want to get to know you better and you're saying you're not even interested, and you haven't even met her yet?

 

There is no winning with you NJ...you gotta learn to give at some point. The absolute perfect situation is not just going to fall into your lap without some effort or compromise on your part.

[NJ123]

Can you step back and listen to yourself objectively for a minute?

This entire thread has been about how women are the worst and OLD sucks, etc., because none of them respond to you...now you have a woman who might want to get to know you better and you're saying you're not even interested, and you haven't even met her yet?

 

There is no winning with you NJ...you gotta learn to give at some point. The absolute perfect situation is not just going to fall into your lap without some effort or compromise on your part.

 

I'm not saying I'm not interested just that I'm not sure how attracted to her I am. Of course the perfect situation won't just fall into my lap. It takes time to meet someone that someone wants to be with. But at the same time it still makes me wonder if it's so difficult how are so many people together. It just almost feels like everything falls into place for everyone else while I'm the outsider looking in where nothing good ever happens to.

[ZA Dater]

Can you step back and listen to yourself objectively for a minute?

This entire thread has been about how women are the worst and OLD sucks, etc., because none of them respond to you...now you have a woman who might want to get to know you better and you're saying you're not even interested, and you haven't even met her yet?

 

There is no winning with you NJ...you gotta learn to give at some point. The absolute perfect situation is not just going to fall into your lap without some effort or compromise on your part.

 

 

This isn't directed at you but really it seems the perfect situation happens to most people at least once by the age of 30. This "oh compromise" is for me not really helpful, how many people actually have to compromise to find the "perfect situation", cant say I have met any but it seems those who battle need to compromise when their dating pool is already small.