single, bald and feeling lost

[despairingbuttrying]

I started losing my hair as early as 26, however the hair loss was mainly on the crown and hardly visible at the front. For the next 8 years or so, it started falling out fast. Now at almost 34, I am bald.

 

Looking back I've had a severe case of male pattern baldness as my mothers' brothers are all bald. So I knew it wasn't going to work out well! Losing what's left of your hair is a difficult period although I went through various phases of feeling very down about it to not feeling so bad. Now, I am totally bald and I still go through those same phases of feeling ok with it to spending the day wishing I could have hair.

 

Anyway, my main concern with all this is probably the most common for a single guy - how it impacts on dating and attracting women. I've had a fair few relationships in my life but still no luck in finding that one person. I think I used to be a great looking guy when I had hair and even with a buzzcut 3/4 years ago where I still had a little hair. Now, as a totally bald guy, people still mention I'm a decent looking guy and some say I even look better without hair than with hair but I've lost confidence. What does help is that I'm 6"2, dark skinned (dark brown) and have the exact right head shape for the bald look. Even then, I don't think it's enough and I would give anything to have at least some hair again so that I could have my buzz cut again.

 

As I'm still searching and looking for love, I'm getting the impression that baldness is an issue for women. I've heard the usual "it's confidence that they find attractive etc." "women are more interested in other qualities" This of course may well be true to varying degrees but what kind of women do you see the bald guys with? Women never say what they really mean, so they may say baldness is not an issue but then you have to look at the reality. Look at the men they end up dating and marrying. Whenever I see a couple where the guy is bald, his gf/wife is not exactly anything special physically speaking. How many bald guys do you honestly see with hot chicks? It's rare. Studies have been done proving the obvious that women do prefer men with hair overall.

 

On dating websites too, I don't have the same luck as I had before when I had that buzz cut and some hair. A good looking guy with hair more than likely will get more attention. And then there are some women who simply don't want a bald guy regardless even if you can pull it off. I find I'm not attracting the women that I want. The women that do seem to be attracted to me are the ones that I don't find attractive.

 

I'm not the confident man I used to be and I believe the lack of hair/being single has played a significant part in this, combined with being hurt/trauma in some of the relationships I have had, struggling to find work due to being uncertain, battling depression etc. There is only so much you can do to change your circumstances and I have always done as much as possible and will continue to do so.

Edited August 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed URL

[Chilli]

Sorry your down man but l think your being a bit hard on yourself.

Dark skin, tall, a face that suits the smooth look anyway , almost envy ya ,love that look, hassle free too.

 

l use to look great with a number one, loved it but it doesn't suit me now so it's a pain in the ass bothering with hair again.

Got a goatee or anything , looks great with the smooth look, play around with a few ideas.

 

Anyway , you'll be fine, just haven't met the right women .

Good luck

[darkmoon]

what about body-building to get a lovely body, then go shirtless on dating sites

[KBob]

I'm 33, bald and I'm more successful with women now than I used to be. Your hair is not going to come back the more you worry about it. It's time to accept it and buck up, because women like a bald guy A LOT more than they like a depressive guy.

[PegNosePete]

Your problem is that you're trying to please all of the people, all of the time. You can never do that.

 

Sure some women don't like bald guys. Some don't like short guys, some don't like tall guys, some don't like fat guys, some don't like thin guys. All you can do is accept that you can't please everyone, and concentrate on those who do like you as you are.

[Bastile]

I'm getting the impression that baldness is an issue for women. I've heard the usual "it's confidence that they find attractive etc." "women are more interested in other qualities" This of course may well be true to varying degrees but what kind of women do you see the bald guys with?

 

Been clipping my hair since 18 years old.

 

I'm sure everything is an issue for some women on some level. Who cares? Accept the fact that you aren't going to appeal to 100% of people. Better yet, accept yourself.

 

Personally, I've only noticed a problem with it one clear time in my life. And that was when a girl who I was seeing at 16 came back into my life at 18/19, and she didn't like it. Edit: and there was one other who briefly tried to get me to grow it out. But that's two in an entire life. Seems like a non-issue to me, and It's not something that I think about.

 

I don't go out with anything other than "hot chicks", and never seen the point in dating anything less.

 

All your problems are in your own head, mate.

 

Never read "the bald truth", and I feel no inclination to start now. Reason being is that I define my own reality. And to that extent, I quite probably know more about dating as a bald guy, than those people do.

 

Stop letting others (likely sad acts) define you.

 

I think that one thing I've noticed over years is that if you don't respect yourself for any reason (can be anything stupid: like not having the education you want, not having hair on your head, being short, being a virgin, etc), then other people won't respect you either. But if you accept yourself properly, then you are always coming from a position of great strength.

 

And women sniff out your weaknesses the same way dogs do. It's the mental weakness that is often the issue, rather than the whatever the thing is causing the mental weakness.

Edited August 15, 2017 by Bastile

[Gaeta]

I love bald men!

 

Bald with a goat-tee or bald with a beard = bad-@ss sexy!

 

Jason Statham !! Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, LL Cool J, and the list goes on! The ladies love bald men! If they didn't you'd didn't have that many on the big screen.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I love bald men!

 

Bald with a goat-tee or bald with a beard = bad-@ss sexy!

 

Jason Statham !! Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, LL Cool J, and the list goes on! The ladies love bald men! If they didn't you'd didn't have that many on the big screen.

 

I agree. Bald with a goatee is very sexy. I have zero problem with bald/shaved head men, and I know lots of women who feel the same way.

[elaine567]

YOU are living at a time when bald is not really an issue.

You could have been living when men had to resort to comb overs and ill fitting, odd coloured hair pieces, wigs, "rugs" and toupees and were the butt of jokes.

Now, who really cares?

[PegNosePete]

YOU are living at a time when bald is not really an issue.

You could have been living when men had to resort to comb overs and ill fitting, odd coloured hair pieces, wigs, "rugs" and toupees and were the butt of jokes.

Now, who really cares?

Right, these days that's only an issue for presidential candidates.

[salparadise]

I know you've heard it before, but the way you feel about being bald is what's hurting you, not the actuality of being bald. Sure, there are some women who don't care for the bald look, but there are a lot more who are either neutral or positive about it. Yes, there are significant numbers who prefer bald, and if you have the right head shape, so much the better.

 

The trick is to not allow it affect how you feel about yourself. Yea, I know, easier said than done... and nobody can really tell you how to feel differently, you just have to make a decision do it. You do have a choice. There are many things in life that are not what we'd choose, but we have to play the hand we're dealt and you can win a lot of poker without ever drawing a royal flush.

 

I am bald and seldom think about it, much less agonize over it. I am tall, well proportioned (not super muscular), very light skinned, etc. All of these things are just the way it is, not things to spend my energy wishing I could change.

 

I had a childhood friend (very smart guy) who once said to me (when we were about 12), that we all tend to take our fortunate circumstances for granted, but agonize over the tiniest things, i.e., being born in the 20th century (shortly after Salk, Flemming, and Edison) in the wealthiest, most developed nation of the world, with excellent health and reasonable intelligence, to middle-class parents who love and care for us and give us everything we need to survive and succeed in life. He was exactly right. If you keep concentrate on the big picture, and all of the opportunities that are available to you, it's hard to think of hair as a significant challenge.

 

I always loved the Apply tagline, "Think Different." It's a somewhat ambiguous double entendre. Obviously, if the word different was being used as an adverb the phrase would be grammatically incorrect (it would be differently), so you are forced to consider its meaning as a noun or adjective, and it just expands awareness instantly.

 

So, my friend, I can't change the random circumstance for either of us, but I am pretty sure that you will be okay if you "think different."

[Erik30]

Start working out and grow some facial hair, you can go for that Luke Cage look. I'm sure a lot of women will love that, but do it for you, not for them.

[2much4]

I wouldn't worry about it too much.

 

I always thought I didn't like bald men. Until I started dating one.

People change their minds on a lot of things when they're into someone.

[Gr8fuln2020]

My brother is bald and has been since the latter days of his college years. He found a beautiful ginger, or she found him, and they have been happily married for years with three great kids. She's also a clear 3-4 inches taller.

 

In the part of the country where I am now, there seems to be a much higher percentage of balding, bald men. I have my suspicions as to why, but I've noticed it.

 

My sister is dating a bald guy. My mother was married to a balding man who' used to whip his longer hair towards the front to try to conceal some of the balding....don't do that. Looks hideous. Go all out shiny and take ownership of it. My ex used to tell me that she like the Yul Brennar look on me when I cut it down to a crew cut for summer, though I'm not bald.

 

I have seen plenty of women, attractive as heck, with bald men. I really feel that women are less interested in your crop than they are your height. Since you have the height, it really is about the rest of your package. Confidence really projects and defines other parts of your life. Build it and I believe you'll find your baldness is likely a minor consideration for most women.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

My brother is bald and has been since the latter days of his college years. He found a beautiful ginger, or she found him, and they have been happily married for years with three great kids. She's also a clear 3-4 inches taller.

 

In the part of the country where I am now, there seems to be a much higher percentage of balding, bald men. I have my suspicions as to why, but I've noticed it.

 

My sister is dating a bald guy. My mother was married to a balding man who' used to whip his longer hair towards the front to try to conceal some of the balding....don't do that. Looks hideous. Go all out shiny and take ownership of it. My ex used to tell me that she like the Yul Brennar look on me when I cut it down to a crew cut for summer, though I'm not bald.

 

I have seen plenty of women, attractive as heck, with bald men. I really feel that women are less interested in your crop than they are your height. Since you have the height, it really is about the rest of your package. Confidence really projects and defines other parts of your life. Build it and I believe you'll find your baldness is likely a minor consideration for most women.

 

What are your suspicions as to the why?? Very curious lol

[BaileyB]

It wouldn't be an issue for me.

 

The lack of confidence and the fact that you are so insecure about your baldness would be more of problem for me. It's just hair.

[Gr8fuln2020]

What are your suspicions as to the why?? Very curious lol

 

I suspect it has something to do with the relatively 'controlled' population/genetic migration over the 100+ years. Overwhelmingly caucasian, but even the ethnic backgrounds within the predominant population is not that varied. I am NOT suggesting inbreeding or anything like that, rather, the predominant ethnic groups coming in were probably not too diverse.

[BaileyB]

It wouldn't be an issue for me.

 

The lack of confidence and the fact that you are so insecure about your baldness would be more of problem for me. It's just hair.

 

What I meant to say and forgot to add, self confidence is much more attractive than hair any day...

[Blanco]

Consider yourself fortunate that you've got some of the physical factors you described working in your favor. I read your post and then think of the lighter skinned dudes who are bald(ing) but also vertically challenged and carrying an extra 30 pounds. Now THOSE guys have a steep hill to climb.

[Cookiesandough]

What are your suspicions as to the why?? Very curious lol

 

Me too. I have my own theories about MPB. I've studied it extensively, actually ?

[elaine567]

Consider yourself fortunate that you've got some of the physical factors you described working in your favor. I read your post and then think of the lighter skinned dudes who are bald(ing) but also vertically challenged and carrying an extra 30 pounds. Now THOSE guys have a steep hill to climb.

 

Maybe, but are not those some of the guys I see in the supermarket every day with a wife and kids in tow...

 

I think a lot of attraction is learnt and if her beloved Dad is a small, white, chubby, bald guy then that is probably who she will ultimately choose as a husband...

[Cookiesandough]

I suspect it has something to do with the relatively 'controlled' population/genetic migration over the 100+ years. Overwhelmingly caucasian, but even the ethnic backgrounds within the predominant population is not that varied. I am NOT suggesting inbreeding or anything like that, rather, the predominant ethnic groups coming in were probably not too diverse.

 

I think it has a lot to do with environmental factors impact on androgens

 

 

Op, the problem is you are letting baldness define you so much. I know how a few men get about this. They resort to taking fin, which is essentially rat poison, to delay it even if it destroys their sex drive. It becomes an obsessive insecurity. You'll find if you wear it well and confidently most women don't care and many find it very sexy! Insecure is no sexy

Edited August 15, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Gr8fuln2020]

I think it has a lot to do with environmental factors impact on androgens

 

 

Op, the problem is you are letting baldness define you so much. I know how a few men get about this. They resort to taking fin, which is essentially rat poison, to delay it even if it destroys their sex drive. It becomes an obsessive insecurity. You'll find if you wear it well and confidently most women don't care and many find it very sexy! Insecure is no sexy

 

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I would agree with this. I have lived from the west to the south and now the north and have notice more bald men in my current area than anywhere else. What do you suspect? I am convinced that genetics due to predominant population has something to do with it. I'm in a mountain state. Radon?

[elaine567]

According to the UK’s National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (Nice), the condition affects 30% of white men under 30, increasing to around 80% of men over 70 (it occurs less in black men, and later and more slowly in Asian men). Its causes are well established but poorly understood by those of us who have it. We might blame blocked pores, over-shampooing, over-brushing, the water supply or even the remedies we’ve bought, but the truth is that it’s a cruel trick played by nature on the genetically susceptible. Dihydrotestosterone (DHT) is thought to be the hormone responsible. It’s synthesised from testosterone by an enzyme, 5-alpha-reductase, that’s found in the dermal papilla, a small compartment at the base of the hair follicle. This kicks off a process of miniaturisation in hormonally sensitive areas such as the forehead and crown. The dermal papilla cells fall in number, the follicles shrink and, as the American Hair Loss Association puts it, they stop producing “cosmetically acceptable hair”

.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/sep/04/male-hair-loss-baldness-surgery-drugs

 

From the same article.

History tells us of men willing to try all manner of bizarre remedies to thwart hair loss. In the Old Testament, the prophet Elisha is taunted for his baldness by a group of boys. He’s sufficiently touchy about this to call for the assistance of God, who promptly summons two bears to maul the boys to death. Harsh, certainly, but it’s worth noting that God chose to exterminate the taunters rather than tackle the hair loss. You can’t really blame him, though. Male pattern hair loss is a very tricky problem indeed.

and

 

Finasteride, meanwhile, has been available in the US for hair growth under the name Propecia since 1997. Its hair-growing properties were first noticed by users of Proscar, a 5mg dose of finasteride originally manufactured by Merck for treating enlarged prostate glands. After tests, Merck determined that a 1mg dose was sufficient to promote hair growth. Its workings are better understood than minoxidil’s (it’s thought to inhibit the 5-alpha-reductase enzyme in the dermal papilla) but some of the side effects listed by the FDA, including erectile dysfunction, libido disorders and ejaculation disorders, can put men off. “There are millions of people taking finasteride with no side effects,,” says a disgruntled Stevenson, “but you don’t hear from them. I feel sorry for the people who are scared.”

[Gr8fuln2020]

.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/sep/04/male-hair-loss-baldness-surgery-drugs

 

From the same article.

and

 

Thanks. I have a decent idea as to why/how hair loss occurs. I'm more interested in why, in this area, there seems to be more of it than other areas of the country I have lived.