Instead of arguing, schedule half an hour a week, to discuss matters of concern, before they become 'big issues.'
For ten minutes he/she speaks without any interruptions.
Then you get your ten minutes of uninterrupted talk time.
The last ten minutes is two way chat.
You alternate who speaks first every week.
The first time, you toss a coin.
Its much better than arguing, and can actually be very enjoyable
There's a fallacy that many people have bought into without realising it:
"Men and women are polar opposites."
Its not true.
Most of a man is very similar to most of a woman.
There are more similarities physiologically, than there are dissimilarities.
There are more similarities psychologically, than there are dissimilarities.
And here is the biggie:
There are more similarities hormonally, than there are dissimilarities.
The opposite sex are not exotic aliens that ar
*No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you.
*No indirect contact through third parties.
*De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media.
*No 'little birds' feeding you news.
*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.
You are not the best and you're not the worst. You're good enough.
The land of the 'good enough' is a wonderful place and everything you want is there to be found.
Be bold, and reach strongly and consistently for what you want.
Fortune favours the brave.
A pivotal point I came to on my own journey was the conscious decision to be authentic in all my dealings with other people.
That means being exactly the same person on the outside, as I am on the inside.
It sounds little, but it's much.
Not, "To be or not to be," but rather, "to be, or to appear to be."
That does not mean that I have no privacy. Things that only concern me, that have no impact on anyone other than me, I will keep private if that is my preference.
Toxic secrets t
It is possible to get into a relationship with yourself that gives you a sense of deep satisfaction and fulfilment when you are alone, but its something that takes time to establish. It means getting to know yourself bit by bit, until you finally realise that it's ok to be happy.
The culture we live in constantly bombards us with the message that happiness is outside of us; that we can only be happy if we can find someone who loves us with a kind of fierce intensity. The real truth is that ha
There are many valid definitions of love, but here is one to contemplate:
"Love is total commitment to the wellbeing of a person."
Underneath that you can place this aphorism, from medicine:
"First, do no harm."
No contact is about two things, and two things only:
1. It protects you from further hurt.
2. It allows you to heal without being distracted by the ex.
Thats all it is, and all it does.
We see what we see because of who we are.
What is seen depends on who is looking, why they are looking, and what they are looking for.
And then we become what we see.
(From a recent thread; not applicable to everyone.)
Whenever I hear someone talking about "fighting" for someone, it always makes me wonder what they mean...
Who do you fight, and with which weapons?
Very often, it seems to be case that this "fighting for," just means an attempt to persuade someone who doesn't want to be with them, to want to be with them.
I see that is a big problem.
Our wants are mostly determined by internal processes, often below the level of conscious thoug
You can't fill the emptiness from outside.
You used your ex to temporarily patch the emptiness, but that can only ever be a temporary fix.
You should cultivate feelings of loving kindness for yourself and others inside yourself.
Cultivate empathy and compassion towards yourself and others inside yourself.
That is the only way you can permanently fill the emptiness.
If you had a broken finger, would you try to heal it by not thinking about it?
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
— C. G. Jung
Freud and Jung concluded that most mental and emotional pain comes from:
Resistance
Conflict
and
Failure to adapt.
All you will achieve by trying not to think about this is the creation of terrific tension in your psyche.
The thoughts come, but you try not to think about them = re
The fundamental truths of Taoism:
Things change.
People change.
Situations change.
Nothing ever remains the same.
What is most important is to adapt to these changes as completely as possible.
You are now a single person, so you have to restructure your life so that being single is enjoyable, rewarding, and fulfilling.
Look at all the possibilities that are now open to you because you are single.
Don't sit and look into the hole where your girlfriend/boyfriend used t
Trying to make your ex want you, is like trying to make them eat a pickle.
"Eat this pickle."
"No thanks."
"Go on eat it, it's delicious."
"No thanks, I don't want it."
"It's a better pickle. It's been improved."
"I just don't want it!"
"I don't understand why you won't eat it.
"I ate one before, and it gave me indigestion."
"Come on, give it a chance. It won't give you indigestion this time."
"You're really starting to annoy me now!"
"Why don't you realise how
When I removed a person who deeply hurt me from my life, I did something I'd never done before.
I promised myself that I would never again speak that persons name.
I never have.
I've found it to be very empowering.
Recommended.
Generally speaking, when someone is obsessing about their ex, that preoccupation causes the person to neglect themselves.
Are you eating healthily?
Are you drinking enough water?
Are you exercising?
Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?
Are you getting out of the house enough?
Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?
Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment?
Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?
Those are the things you need to do befo
Unfaithful married men are especially good at two things:
1. Telling lies.
2. Finding people who will believe those lies.
Many of them do this again and again with woman after woman.
Its important to keep ones centre of gravity within oneself, whether single or coupled.
For some people when in a couple, their centre of gravity becomes misplaced, and they 'wobble.'
Their sense of self becomes unstable.
If you feel OK:
You look at the past, and the past looks OK.
If you feel bad:
You look at the past, and the past looks bad.
If you feel OK:
You imagine the future, and the future looks OK.
If you feel bad:
You imagine the future, and the future looks bad.
What that means, is that you have to find ways of making yourself feel OK in the present, so that you can have a past and future that look OK to you!
One way of looking at things, is to look at life as consisting
To part now and parting now,
Never to meet again;
To have done for ever; I and thou,
With joy, and so with pain.
It is too hard, too hard to meet
If we trust love no more;
Those other meetings were too sweet
That went before.
And I would have, now love is over,
An end to all, an end:
I cannot, having been your lover,
Stoop to become your friend.
— ARTHUR SYMONS.
