You can't make anyone think, feel, or do anything.
People do what they do because of who they are.
What happens between two people is what their nature and character dictates, and allows.
Once you really get that, its very liberating.
A pivotal point I came to on my own journey was the conscious decision to be authentic in all my dealings with other people.
That means being exactly the same person on the outside, as I am on the inside.
It sounds little, but it's much.
Not, "To be or not to be," but rather, "to be, or to appear to be."
That does not mean that I have no privacy. Things that only concern me, that have no impact on anyone other than me, I will keep private if that is my preference.
Toxic secrets t
We are self-healing organisms.
Just as we have inherent capacities to heal a cut or a burn, we have the ability to self-heal emotional wounds.
Nature has planted this within us.
People grieve for what they had and lost, but they also grieve for what they needed and wanted, but didn't get.
Its often both.
Grief is a noble thing, but it should not become permanent, or a settled state of being.
Do your grieving and move on.
To be loved, be loving.
To find peace, be peaceful.
To find forgiveness, be forgiving.
To be cared about, be caring.
To be treated kindly, be kind.
To be understood, be understanding.
To have friends, be friendly.
Etc.
We have no right to receive anything that we do not give.
Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.
Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.
By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.
The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you.
'G
From my journal:
"The baby grows inside the Mother. Our consciousness grows inside the Baby. What is to come grows inside our consciousness. In that sense, we are our own Mothers, or at least Mothers of that which is to come."
The fundamental truths of Taoism:
Things change.
People change.
Situations change.
Nothing ever remains the same.
What is most important is to adapt to these changes as completely as possible.
You are now a single person, so you have to restructure your life so that being single is enjoyable, rewarding, and fulfilling.
Look at all the possibilities that are now open to you because you are single.
Don't sit and look into the hole where your girlfriend/boyfriend used t
Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.
Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.
Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure
(From a recent thread; not applicable to everyone.)
Whenever I hear someone talking about "fighting" for someone, it always makes me wonder what they mean...
Who do you fight, and with which weapons?
Very often, it seems to be case that this "fighting for," just means an attempt to persuade someone who doesn't want to be with them, to want to be with them.
I see that is a big problem.
Our wants are mostly determined by internal processes, often below the level of conscious thoug
The most fundamental relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. It sets the tone for all your other relationships. With this in mind, it's important to be loving and kind to yourself. Cultivate loving kindness towards yourself and you will be able to love others freely and without reserve.
When I removed a person who deeply hurt me from my life, I did something I'd never done before.
I promised myself that I would never again speak that persons name.
I never have.
I've found it to be very empowering.
Recommended.
Generally speaking, when someone is obsessing about their ex, that preoccupation causes the person to neglect themselves.
Are you eating healthily?
Are you drinking enough water?
Are you exercising?
Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?
Are you getting out of the house enough?
Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?
Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment?
Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?
Those are the things you need to do befo
After a certain point, grief can become a habit.
That's the point where it becomes in itself, dysfunctional.
Grieving is an essential part of healing, but if it goes on too long it becomes another sickness, possibly worse than the first.
“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.”
― Omar Khayyám
They all say,"I needed xyz, and you weren't giving that to me."
Then you can get really clear in your head that its all your fault.
Then you can get really clear in your head that you're just not good enough.
Then you can get really clear in your head that you must do better.
Or, you can look at it this way: He did it because he wanted to.
Which is a good way of looking at it, because it's the truth.
