The relationship you have, is the relationship you have today.
If you're happy with it today, you'll probably be happy with it tomorrow.
If you're not happy with it today, you'll probably not be happy with it tomorrow.
The past is gone, and the future is unknown.
It doesn't matter what they are doing.
You are what matters.
Focus on yourself.
Your thoughts matter.
Your feelings matter.
Your healing matters.
Your journey through life matters.
Your hopes matter.
Your fears matter.
Your dreams matter.
Your learning matters.
Your realisations matter.
Your growth matters.
Your understanding of yourself matters.
Your return to happiness matters.
Being 'In Love' is a time-limited neurochemical event.
Love on the other hand, is not time-limited, and can grow and grow over a whole lifetime.
Some relationships can progress from being 'in love' to love, but some can't.
It depends on what remains after the euphoria has worn off.
The key to dealing with anger is externalising it.
You can do this by:
Speaking about it to a trustworthy person, writing about it, or any other means of expression that works for you.
Anger is very physical, so physical ways of externalising it can be be particularly helpful. Some examples are:
Going to a place where nobody can hear you and shouting it out as loud as you can, for as long as you can.
Hitting a punch bag until you can't punch any more.
Breaking something, and th
You have to set them free:
"I release you to live your life the way you want to. You're free. I'm not holding you."
You don't say that out loud.
You say it on the inside.
You have to mean it.
"Always and everywhere, remember yourself."
Pay attention to yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your needs, things that make you feel good, your hopes, your fears, your dreams.
You are the centre of your world, not anybody else.
Be there, with yourself, at the centre.
This is not selfishness.
This is self-awareness.
Peace.
It can get easier, and it will get easier,
IF
You summon up all your willpower and self-discipline, to do NC perfectly.
If you don't, it won't get easier, and this suffering will become a daily fact of life for you.
NC has to be 100% watertight to work.
A clip from my journal:
"No contact is about two things, and two things only:
1. It protects you from further hurt.
2. It allows you to heal without being distracted by the ex.
Thats all it is, and all it does."
I understand what you're saying, but in my world you experience the deepest possible connection when you extend yourself to another, to the greatest degree possible for you.
Total extension of the Self.
Nothing held back.
Nothing conditional.
Nothing reserved for 'maybe later.'
I don't think that the real problem is the difficulty of finding someone like her again.
I think that the real problem is that you've self-protectively closed your heart to some extent, as a result o
The sadness stops when you stop 'sadding.'
Thoughts and feelings are behaviours, not something you can't change, like the weather.
When you finally decide that you've been through enough, you'll stop.
Take care.
PS: You've been through enough.
Carry on 'debriefing' yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings.
Telling your story is an important part of the healing process. Its usually necessary to tell the story a few times over, as new insights and realisations come to mind.
Carry on telling your story.
Carry on until there are no more realisations and insights to be found in it.
These are the rules which guarantee success in OLD:
1. Never ever answer a text or message.
2. If you're disinterested, act interested.
3. If you're interested, act disinterested.
4. Only kiss on the 11th, 2nd, or 19th dates.
5. Always take your ex along on dates.
6. Always be honest about how many people you are exclusively dating.
Never been known to fail.
Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.
Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.
Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure
Love:
"First do no harm."
Those are the words of a surgeon, but they apply to relationships as well.
To profess love, whilst causing harm, demonstrates that the person speaking has no idea what love is.
One of many valid definitions of love is:
"A persons total commitment to the wellbeing of another."
Thats the bottom line benchmark for me.
Thats where real love begins.
There's an awful lot to be said for stoic acceptance:
"This is not what I want. It is the opposite of what I want, but I will accept it, and endure the pain which comes with it."
Easier said than done, but the act of desperately trying to evade the pain only brings more pain.
