Not sure how to overcome this feeling of stagnation because it has vague, broad roots.
Immediate causes:
1) M left for the week so I'm lonely. Don't have friends to hang out with over the weekend or things to look forward to.
2) My one and only friend informed me that he wouldn't be talking to me for two months because he thinks I rely on him for emotional support. He's pulled this before. He basically freaks out whenever I talk about my problems.
3) Another guy who I was in love w
Found some old diary entries I wrote when I was 19-20, many of them revolving around Jack* ("Harvard Guy") and my gradual descent into depression.
*I've changed all the names.
Jan 26, 2003
I can't stop thinking about Jack. I had a dream about him recently, the first one where we actually kissed. It's strange but whenever I like someone I never dream about them. Maybe it means I'm thinking about him less. I was at least until I had this dream.
In the dream he comes back to [my colle
God, I can't believe what a fool I've made of myself.
If I only had been patient. Instead I just kept digging a deeper hole.
Now I've lost the one thing I ever wanted.
Gawwwwd....
I am drowning in sea of words. I am an emotional exhibitionist, it's ridiculous. I need to stop now.
I always want to fix everything. I can't let anything go. I am out of control.
Somebody please kill me now.
