All last year I was so not in a mode to even want a relationship. From early 2009 to late October 2010 I wasn't even thinking relationships.

Then as soon as I got my brain in relationship mode, I thought of her. S. I checked up on S around Thanksgiving and what did I see. Three weeks earlier she declared herself to be "in a relationship".

I was really truly happy for her. She is not perfect by any means but deserves to be happy. I tried for most of December to hold it in. I tried to not tell her what I really felt. I just could not hold it in any longer. She was everything I could want in a woman, we had so many times together, and I still love her.

So I let her know.

That's all I did.

Now what I have to admit hurt quite a bit after that wasn't her reaction but the reaction I got here.

Being called a cheater.

Being called a stalker.

Being called a creep.

etc. etc. etc.

Then there's getting the third degree about the issue of our child. I told people the absolute truth and none would believe it. The truth is that she had my child, and for various reasons does not want me to raise him... or at least did not want to share the rights to him with me or anyone else.

Is it any wonder that I would want to get back with her BF be dammed?

Whats happening now

The reaction was her BF finding the email. Me and him had words. I am blocked off her main facebook...but she has another page which I can see and which is a mutual friend with my page.

She has told her boyfriend I am blocked from sending emails. I have said I will not pester her incessantly. Basically meaning she's not going to inform him of anything else I would send, and I'm not going to send much of anything else. I get that she's not available right now.

My outlook on this relationship.

I reminded her that I was alive, and that I was interested in her. Now it's up to NC/LC to do it's thing. She will wonder what I am up to (witness the FB page shenanigans). She will want to contact me and I will want to contact her.

I am debating weather I should send a birthday card or ecard or not.

At any rate I will either report back on this in 5 6 moths or so with a new GF, her ,or someone else or not. What will come of all this will be known by August.