It's funny. I've met lots of women who describe themselves as complicated, as a forewarning perhaps. I wonder, do they think everyone else is simple, that perhaps they are unique in their uniqueness? And if this complicated life is an issue for forming a relationship, why not simplify it?

Many men are just as complex, as are many other women. We can all make life just as difficult, inauthentic or complicated, and we can all make it just as easy, authentic, simple as each other. Perhaps with some help, and luck, but it can be done.

Ever notice how newly rich people often end up buying a nice place in the country, perhaps having a minimalist interior, or a replica of what we imagine a simple country life is like? Given the choice, many of us choose simplicity, light and space over complexity, darkness and crowds.

And what about martial arts? The main theme across them is a clear mind. Calm and focus, not rage.

The same with massage: simple, gentle, get to know the terrain, build trust, push to the edge just a little bit more with each stroke, withdraw when there are objections, listen, feel, respond, respect, and by the end of the session you have gone from the superficial to the deep muscle. If you go crashing in looking for the deep tissue to begin with, it doesn't work.

Sometimes you need to face objection, to climb over hurdles, but more often there are smoother paths to wherever you want to go. And the path to meaningful simplicity is just the same. If your life is complicated, you can simplify it, gently, bit by bit.

If you've been bottling up for years, built a façade around the real structure that is you, you did that as the best option you knew about at that time. Taking that façade down will take time, and effort, mistakes will be made, but if the overall direction is towards your goal, you'll get there. And if you learn to appreciate each little success and accept each little mistake, you'll enjoy the process of deconsctructing the false self and revealing the real self.

You may not wish to dispose of the false, complicated self, but better to have it on hand to deal with trouble occasionally, to weather the odd storm, than to believe it is the real you. The complicated you exists to deal with complications. The more we put to rest complications, the more your simple self can breath easily, be.