So, much has happened since my last journal entry, and yet...not much at all. I had a birthday and being slightly depressed felt like I really needed to see some old dear friends. So, H and I set out on a road trip taking us back to our previous city of residence. We stayed with a married couple whom we are very good friends with. In fact we were each the maid (matron) of honor in each other's weddings. During the weekend I confessed everything that I've said here to my girlfriend. She was really supportive. Actually, it turns out that she has harbored feelings for another married man for 6 years and went through with her wedding anyway. So, she knew exactly what I mean when I say that I love both Bob and John. And when I say I feel trapped in my life. It was very very liberating to be able to talk about this with a real person. And to be be *gasp* understood!!! It was more than I could've hoped for really.

On the other hand, on my birthday, John IM'd me and we started chatting. He told me that he didn't think that he and the girl he had been kinda dating were going to start a relationship and we slipped back into saying very sexy things to each other, with the implied agreement that it was my birthday present and we wouldn't do it again when we talked next time. I didn't chat with him again until Bob and I were home. This was to find out that in fact John was wrong about this girl and they had agreed to date. Not date like they had been which was essentially hanging out all the time buy nothing physical, but date like they are referring to themselves as bf/gf. It was quite the shock from the previous conversation, and I slipped into a days depression, but did come out the other side. She knows he still talks to me and hasn't asked for him to stop. But I have been respectful and haven't brought up our conversation or anything like what we talked about on my birthday. I am starting to move on, and I think that talking to my friend was the key.

***turns out maybe not such a good idea to tell my friend afterall. It took less than 24 hrs for her to get stupid drunk and tell her husband and then confess to him everything she told me, plus something she said she couldn't even tell me because it makes her sick to her stomach. Who knows what is going to happen now, but her husband said he doesn't know if he can get over whatever it was that she didn't tell me but told him. I feel pretty darn responsible for her confession. Guess I am just an evil person who leaves destruction in my wake...