Failed relationships, always gets left behind, honestly I am tired of loving and getting hurt. My oldest sister is single for life, and my seconds marriage is not going well. I get dumped by a man who used me although arguable I know it was stupid of me to let myself get used. But really I cannot see myself trusting men ever again in terms of a long term romantic relationship. Lately I'm trying to do online dating but when the time comes when they want to meet, I always back out cause at the back of my mind I get struck with the realization I'm not ready, and I honestly think I will never be. I just thought it was sad for it to turn out this way but every day I get more and more resigned to the fact that I will be single for the rest of my life not because I want to but because I already tried to be braver before, to accept the fact that when you love you have to be ready to get hurt. Haha I guess I really just have bad luck with men so I really gave up on looking and whenever people try to same something sweet it all just sounds like bull crap to me. It sucks that I ended up being as judgmental as I am right now but I'm weak, and this is a lame excuse but I can't help it. It's just how I turned out.

Since this is a journal I figured I could just write on it like a diary so let me know if these things aren't really meant for this portion of the site.

This is just the mumblings a of a broken woman. I know others had been through worse but I am not them and they aren't me.