"Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behavior are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change."

Source here.

To cultivate the sense of agency, we have to define our lives as being built out of the choices we have made. If it's raining and we get wet, we recognise that we got wet because we didn't take an umbrella when we left the house. We see where we are in life as being the product of all the choices we have made. Some would say that's untrue, because we didn't choose to be cheated on etc, but what that person did didn't make us feel the way we feel, because nobody has the power to make us react in a certain way, or feel a certain way.

We chose to feel and react that way.

Part of that choosing takes place on a conscious level, and another part takes place on a subconscious level.

Hence Jung's statement:

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

So the solution to most of our woes lies in an ongoing commitment to personal growth