Hi,

I will be using this journal to document my processes of moving on from the guy I can't have (for anyone reading, please refer to my recent post). Yesterday I stumbled across his ig profile which I shouldn't have, I regret it. I see that he changed her initials from two letter to her full name in caps with a white emoji heart next to it. Things like this start to make the fact that I will never have him so real.

I can't be upset over him anymore, I'm sick of not being able to get out of bed, I'm sick of feeling terrible about myself. It hurts to think about the fact that while I am living my day-to-day life, there's another girl by him side, doing things with him that I didn't get to do. I don't want to think like that anymore. 

It.is.the.end!!!

I'm no longer checking him or her, I'm no longer going to let myself dive into thoughts, thoughts of loneliness, thoughts of not being good enough, thoughts that I will never be happy. Of course I will never be happy if my mind is constantly filled with negativity. I'm going back to my therapist in a couple of weeks. I'm ready to change my life!

However I had to do one more thing that everyone was widely strongly against. I'm not doing this for him, I had to do it for me, to give myself the 100% closure I deserve.

I'm sending him an apology for a rampage over a few months ago. If you read my post you may think he doesn't deserve it and yes maybe he doesn't, but I don't want to hate him as the last words I said to him were "go f*ck yourself, I hate you". The worst he's going to do is say something terribly mean, block me, or not even respond. I'm fine with all three of those. Because at the end of the day, I'm doing what I believe is right and what will help me move on.

I've also finally finished my uni semester. I cannot wait to spend the next six weeks reflecting. Basically I will be journaling whenever I feel like going into deep thought about him, this will be my safe space. And I may update if I stumble across something that may hinder the moving on process.

For those reading, thank you, and I hope you can support me on this long yet fulfilling journey. 

I don't know if I should do an apology follow up?