Not sure how to overcome this feeling of stagnation because it has vague, broad roots.

Immediate causes:

1) M left for the week so I'm lonely. Don't have friends to hang out with over the weekend or things to look forward to.

2) My one and only friend informed me that he wouldn't be talking to me for two months because he thinks I rely on him for emotional support. He's pulled this before. He basically freaks out whenever I talk about my problems.

3) Another guy who I was in love with for years won't even have casual sex with me, despite claiming to "of course find [me] attractive." I came so close to having physical contact with him only to have the rug pulled out from under me. Not sure I've ever been this disappointed in my whole freakin' life. The worst part is I'll never know why I wasn't good enough for him, and confusion always leads to obsession with me.

4) The therapy I started a few months ago has ceased to help, not sure that it ever has. I've now disclosed all of my deepest secrets and insecurities to her, but it's still not working. I'm well-versed in my own problems, so simply describing them to her without getting constructive feedback does no good. I sit down and talk for a bit, she dishes out a few empty lines of advice, and before we get any deeper the session is over. She'll close with, "well some or our work next time then will be to get you to question your, blah blah." Just saying that doesn't make it happen unless she gives me concrete instructions on how to do it.

I don't know what to do between sessions to jump start my progress. It's not clear to me whether it's her problem or mine or both. This happened with other therapists too, but I thought she would be different.

5) My summer internship that ends next week feels like it was a waste of time aside from the minor boost to my resume. I learned very little about the industry and many days just sat twiddling my thumbs. Didn't make any friends either, despite many attempts. I felt useless.

6) I turned 25 two days ago, and realize that I've made little progress in the last 5 years. I'm so far behind my peers. Because I was kicked out of college, I won't be done with my degree for another year and a half. How pathetic is that? I am so far behind everyone else my age, and I'm incredibly dependent on my parents. Still don't have a driver's license (getting my permit renewed on Monday so I can take the license test before summer ends) or any real source of income. Still live with them (though I'll be moving out next week).

I'm in a time warp. The world around me changes and I get older, but my circumstances don't. Problem is I'm utterly convinced that I'm doomed. This belief is so deep-rooted that I don't know how to debunk it.

In the past few years I've made enough to-do-lists to fill a large book. I try and do the things that are supposed to make me better, see a therapist, get a job, etc. But they all seem to lead nowhere; I just go through the motions because nothing I do is rewarding (at least not immediately so). I give and give with no returns. My world has lost its luster. There is nothing to look forward to, not even small pleasures like going out with friends.

Yet I don't feel that I'm doing anything wrong -- that's what's so maddening about it. Every road I turn down becomes a dead end. It's like I'm stuck in some private nightmare, with a limited palette of colors, where all the doors open to most people are closed. Sometimes I feel like a character in a Kafka novel.

How do I overcome this conviction that I'm helpless or the world is stacked against me when all the evidence points in that direction? It would be much easier to dismiss if I had some minor successes or moments of pleasure to even the score.

Is it possible I'm just incompatible with this world, and it's time for us to part ways? Theoretically the world should offer enough variety and possibility for everybody to find a niche and route to happiness, but that's not actually the case. The experiences you can have are limited by your status in society. I mean there is a lot of natural beauty in the world, but one can't live off of beauty alone. Everybody needs excitement and other people. I don't understand how people who are worse off than me trudge on. Unless you're one of the lucky few, it seems like the only way to be happy is to squash all your dreams by a certain age and settle for sub par conditions. You start out life being told you can achieve anything, and end up feeling bitter and cheated once reality sinks in.

I want out like you guys wouldn't believe. I don't mean dead out (though sometimes I feel that way), but just out of this rut. I hate rehashing the same woes over and over, but how else do I figure out what I'm doing wrong without examining my problems? I would do anything to get better if I just knew how. That's the question I keep coming back to: HOW?

Here's what a happy life would like to me. Aside from the obvious -- good job, loving husband/bf, enough money -- it would be comprised of those exciting social experiences and connections I missed out on growing up. Going to parties with friends I admire, having long talks with random people, dancing and being silly, feeling confident and attractive, being excited that anything could happen before dawn. Meandering through a buzzing city with a group of friends on a Saturday night, meeting cool people along the way, having encounters of all sorts -- strange, scary, fun. Sampling the variety of life. Mingling with artists, musicians and intellectuals, kissing beautiful guys in back alleys. How cliche is that, but it's exactly what I want. I've always been on the outside looking in. The moments when I felt most alive were when I imagined a future like that was finally within reach. That hope is gone.

I'm not somebody who enjoys being alone, even when I'm fully engaged in a hobby. I've been alone all my life and I absolutely hate it. Despite my shyness I'm very much a people person. Even as a toddler I was always happiest in a crowd. Just being in the presence of people who were having fun used to bring me joy. I'm like an environmental sponge. If I'm around depressing people in an ugly place, I absorb that vibe into my soul. There's my predicament: I need other people, I need to be around them, but I can't seem to connect with them.

Even if I do well this year by getting A's and making money at a part-time job where will that lead? I'll still be alone. I can see myself trying out different clubs and feeling more isolated than ever because all of the people are either depressing, different from me, or they reject my social overtures.